Send a Save the Date to a "maybe" guest?

ChiGirl2013

Since we're having a destination wedding, I've already ordered my Save the Date cards and plan to send them out as soon as I receive them.  I wanted some opinions from you ladies about a potential issue I'm struggling with.

My father and I are not close at all.  In fact, he brings more drama into my life than I care to deal with.  I've been biting my tongue for 30+ years and a few months ago, I finally had the straw that broke the camel's back.  It was a pretty bad argument, stemming from him basically saying I didn't spend enough $$ on his Christmas gift, and the fact that his girlfriend doesn't like me or my sister.  Of course, he's siding with the one who puts out over the daughters he barely sees.  Needless to say, I told him not to contact me until he was ready to apologize for his snotty remarks (said behind my back to my sister, but confirmed by him when I called to confront him - like it was no big deal at all to talk cr@p about your own daughter behind her back) and was ready to start acting like a mature adult, not a 12 year old.  (My dad has never once in his life admitted fault to anything, nor has he ever apologized for anything.  Everything is always someone else's fault.  He has 4 divorces under his belt, and all of them were his wives' fault.)  FWIW, I didn't grow up with him in my life. I was raised by my aunt and uncle, and plan on having my uncle walk me down the aisle on my wedding day because he has been more of a father to me than my biological father ever has.

I received an invitation to his 60th b-day party that his gf is throwing for him in a few weeks.  If he apologizes before then, I'll go.  If he doesn't, I won't.  I'm not holding my breath, although I did save the date on my calendar just in case.

At this point, I don't plan on inviting him to the wedding.  It seems that holidays and major events turn him into an even bigger jerk and to be honest, I don't want to deal with it.  However, I am still holding out hope that he will man up and apologize in the next year.  So.... do I send him a Save the Date or not?  If I send one, that means I absolutely HAVE to invite him to the wedding, and his invitation is contingent on him growing up a little bit and admitting he was wrong.

I know, it sounds like I'm being stubborn.  But I'm 36 and I'm tired of my father thinking he can say and do whatever he wants without regard to other peoples' feelings.  He has been doing this all my life.  I'm tired of coming in second place to his flavor of the month.  I've invited him over many, MANY times and in the past 9 years, he has never once accepted my invitation, even though he only lives 30 minutes away.  I've invited him out to lunch, the movies, etc..... there's always a reason for him not to go.  I get it.  Some men weren't meant to be dads and I can't force him into a relationship with me.  Now, I've just put the ball in his court and HE can decide which is more important - his daughter or his bad attitude. 

So.... Save the Date or not?  And if I invite him, do I HAVE to give him a +1 for the girlfriend who hates me?