What do I do????

ChiGirl2013

I have a good friend that is married and has 4 children. When she heard we were doing a destination wedding, she told me not to bother sending an invite because she'd never be able to afford the trip for 6 people.  She's happy for us, she just can't afford to go.  She has been very helpful though - listening to me, offering advice, helping me with my DIY stuff.  She says she is sad that she can't be there for the wedding, so she wants to help in other ways.  She has been WAY more supportive than my MoH and probably would have been my MoH if we had gotten married at home and she were able to attend.

Anyway, we're just under 6 weeks from the wedding and she asked about my shower. I told her I wasn't having one and she decided to throw me one.  That's very nice of her, but sort of awkward since she's not even invited to the wedding.  I kept telling her no, since I know her financial situation isn't the greatest with 4 children and them being a 1 income family.  I didn't want that add financial burden on her. She swears she's fine money-wise.  I tried many times in many ways to tell her no, but she insists I deserve a shower.  I thought I had held her off but today she called and was adamant, saying she already started shopping for my shower and to give her a guest list.  I told her there wasn't enough time to get invites out, so she posted on my facebook wall that she's throwing a shower for me and if anyone wants to come, they should message her.

Yeah.  Insert jaw drop here.

I feel bad because this is SO wrong, especially since my family was adamant that I not have a shower since we've lived together for so long, etc.  Now my friend is inviting everyone on my facebook page.  She already bought supplies and some of the food - so what do I do?

adawn1981

You should enjoy your shower   What is done is done, and there is no reason to not have a shower.  If this awesome friend wnats to throw you one, let her! 

orangehills

Ehh... first off I would delete that post from your facebook asap. It's rude to invite people not invited to the wedding. And, it's not like she isn't invited to the wedding- she is. She just told you not to waste an invite on her because she can't afford it, but if she could, she'd of course be going.  So she can easily throw you a shower! Just get that thing off facebook. Get her a guest list and have her send out an email invite- easiest way.  It's not too late - you can have the shower the weekend before! Also- that's ridiculous. Just beause you've lived together for a long time doesn't mean you don't get a shower! Just make sure that people invited are people invited to the wedding. Now of course, if you don't want one- just tell her adamantly you don't, and she needs to listen, because otherwise she's being very rude. But you can have one if you'd like one and she's offering to host! It can be a small thing that doesn't cost too much too, not some big fancy shower.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Orange.  Your friends and family that said you shouldn't have a shower possibly just didn't want to do the work to throw it for you.  Now that someone else wants to do it, maybe they'll happily come!

Enjoy it!

ChiGirl2013

The thing is, I was sort of sad when I was told I wasn't having a shower.  My family doesn't believe in giving showers to couples who have lived togther for a long time, and they said "it's not even worth it" to have a shower when there are only about 15 women invited to the wedding and more than half are either too old, too far away, etc to attend.  Plus, I live about an hour away from where most of my family lives and in the 8 years we've lived here, they've never once visited, claiming "it's too far." 

So while I'm flattered and deep down I really wanted a shower (not for gifts, but more for the camraderie) I just hate to think of a shower where only 3 people show up after she puts all this work and money into it.  I looked at dates after I posted this and the one date that will work is right around the time of one of my mom's cousin's hysterectomy..... and I was already told not to have it then because apparently, her surgery means that nobody can leave the immediate area.  *shrug*

audrewuh

Why don't you ask her to turn it into a girl's luncheon, no wedding stuff attached (except that ppl are going to talk about it, there just won't be wedding decor or games)? That way, you can still hang out and get that camraderie in, but also not feel awkward or uncomfortable?

[Deleted User]

Yea, you could do a "Last fling before the ring" lunch and your hostess could just reserve a private room at a restaurant or have it at a friend's house maybe?  It could be low key just in case there isn't an overwhelming "yes" crowd.  I'm sure you'll have a few people that would be game :-)

vk2204

I would say something like "Thank you so much for offering to throw the shower, unfortunately because we are so close to the wedding no one will be able to travel for it; so instead of that can we have a girls day and go to lunch, and maybe get our nails done" or something along those lines...