Dad's New Girlfriend

Blondy214

Hey ladies. I am experiencing somewhat of a dilemma about inviting someone to the wedding. Sorry, this is a bit long. 

My parents recently got divorced (they have been separated for about a year, but the divorce was actually finalized less than 2 weeks ago). My father has a new girlfriend who I met for the first time on Christmas day. Her personality is a little,,, overwhelming. She's very forward and asked FI and I if she would be invited to the wedding (that is a huge pet peeve of mine, I hate it when people ask or assume that they are invited). We are limited on space as it is. Our venue fits 120 and we have 130 on our guest list, with really no way to cut any more people off. 

They haven't been together for very long. I know that the right thing to do is invite my father with his girlfriend, but quite frankly I don't want her there and my sisters don't want her there. My dad was the one who left, so I know that my entire family will be uncomfortable if she is there. I can foresee lots of awkward situations (like her trying to insert herself info family photos). 

I am torn about this and keep going back and forth. Like I said, I know that the right thing to do is invite her, but on the other hand I don't think that its fair for me and my entire family to be uncomfortable with her around. 

Any advice? What would you do?

LuckyGirl1713

Well etiquette calls for her to be invited but I can see why you are worried about this and why you don't want her there.  By not inviting her though will you hurt your father?  Will he not come?  I think a heart to heart conversation with your father is in order.

ChiGirl2013

I think you need to talk to your dad about this.  Let him know that while you're happy he has moved on, you're not comfortable with having his new gf at the wedding because it will be like rubbing salt in the fresh wound that your mom has, and you will NOT do anything to upset her.  If he's a decent human being, he should understand and respect your wishes. 

I'm in a similar boat, although my dad proposed to his "flavor of the month" so I kind of HAVE to invite her now.  She's actually considering not coming, though, because she has refused many attempts on my part to get to know her and we're still pretty much strangers.  And secretly, I hope she doesn't come.  Sounds like your dad's gf wants to come, though.  What did you say when she asked?

I am not one to follow "etiquette" if it's going to hurt someone that I love.  I don't care who points fingers or talks about a faux pas on my part.  My mom's comfort and happiness will ALWAYS come before my dad's gf.  So no, I wouldn't give my dad a +1 in your situation, but I would definitely talk to him about it first so he can be prepared.

dani1361

its your wedding! thats what i tell people, my wedding my choices. etiquette might cal for her to be there, but in the end, this is the day that youll always remember, and pictures are going to be there your whole life. do what you want!

vk2204

First off, I do think it is extremely rude of her to ask if she was invited or not. What did your father say about it?

I would talk to your dad. Maybe if he 100% absolutely wants her there, then you can tell him that is fine, but you'd rather her not be in your family photos etc. Treat her as you would any other guest - be the bigger person. Good luck.

Blondy214

Thanks for the replies. 

When she asked if she would be invited he kind of made a joke out of it and said something along the lines of "If I want to bring you with me."

I know that I need to talk to him about this, but I'm trying to wait it out as long as I can... 

I'm sure he will be understanding, and there is not a chance that he would miss my wedding if I asked him not to bring her, but I still don't want to make him feel bad. 

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_dads-new-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:74548f3d-c010-4dec-bcff-0f09b9d76d70Post:dfde3508-afb8-4ef4-bbc7-0f629fde8772">Re: Dad's New Girlfriend</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the replies.  When she asked if she would be invited he kind of made a joke out of it and said something along the lines of "If I want to bring you with me." I know that I need to talk to him about this, but I'm trying to wait it out as long as I can...  I'm sure he will be understanding, and there is not a chance that he would miss my wedding if I asked him not to bring her, but I still don't want to make him feel bad. 
Posted by Blondy214[/QUOTE]

If your dad hasn't specifically said "I want GF to be there with me by my side for your wedding" I would go talk to him when he is alone and bring it up casually. "Hey dad, I am trying to finalize the guest list, did you or did you not want to bring GF as your guest?"

For me, it seems like your dad will try and make everyone happy. I am sure he will understand about the photos and her being too forcefull, meet him half way maybe?