April 2013 Weddings
Tuesday Night Meltdown: vent
Everything for our wedding planning has been going reltively smoothly. But when I came home last night, fi was acting like something was bothering him and I couldn't figure out what. I thought it was just his back, which is reletivly normal. Two hours later he finally opens up about what's going on. Turns out he'd called his parents today to talk and it had turned into a big thing. The main topic was how much money we're going to spend on the wedding and all the other exspenses we have in our lives and how that's going to affect us long term. It's not like we haven't talked about this before. And it's not like I don't think about it all the time. But what am I supposed to do about it? You and I know that $15k is actually a really reasonable amount for a 200 person wedding in SoCal. We very easily could spend twice that if we had it. Then there comes the whole guest-list thing. Fi's family thinks 200 people is a lot. Fi thinks it's a lot. Other people I've talked to think it's a lot...but I don't. What everyone seems to forget, or not to care about, is who my family is in our church. My dad has been the choir director at our church for over 35 years. EVERYONE at the church knows him. Most have sung with him, played for him, worked with him, or been on a commitee with him. And those that haven't have probably been in Bible study, quilting, or book club with my mom. And whoever's left has probably had a kid in my choir or a Christmas pageant I've directed. And most of those people think they should be invited. And a lot of them I actually want to invite. So cutting people is like cutting family to me. Not to mention all of my actual family as well as friends who live out of state or people I've known since I was born...We went back and forth last night a lot. Fi and his parents are trying to be practicle, I know. They're concerned about my student loans, the fact that fi and I really should have new cars soon, a nest egg to get a house, and how we're going to support kids within the next 5 years. I appreciate that and understand where they're coming from. But my family didn't buy a house till I was 9, and that was only with help from my gradmother. I've grown up living with a certain level of debt, and I'm comfortable and used to it. But fi's family is used to living practically debt free. He walked out of college with no student loan debt. He pays off his credit card every month. I love that he is so financially responcible,but I wish he were more comfortable with a little more debt than he is. And all of this ties back into the fact that I haven't finished school and don't have a full time job. And if I had done that already, all of this would be a lot easier. I'm planning on graduating right after we get married, so I can start paying off my debt and helping to save for a house. But there really isn't anything I can do RIGHT NOW. And I feel like that's what fi's family wants. I know they're not trying to, but all of this makes me feel guilty and bad about myself. I love them, they're really great people, but I wish they would leave fi and I alone about planning our wedding. They're not even contributing financially, so it bothers me that they're trying to tell fi we're spending too much. Especially when I feel like I'm cutting everything I can. I just want them to be supportive and get excited and stay out of our finances unless they plan on helping.
This discussion has been closed.