April 2013 Weddings

Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent

I have 6 girls in my party, one of them is being ridic on the prices of the dresses. The dresses I picked out are 170 but she wanted to buy something at Davids for 99 "since she doesn't want to spend money on a dress she will only wear once." so its not because she cant afford it nbsp;I picked purple long chiffon dresses and she had the audacity to send me a long sleeved dress that came in the wrong color, fabric and length!! I can't believe this! She is one of my oldest friends. Not only that, my Moh said she is having trouble with her planning the b party and is afraid she won't contribute. The girl has a good job and lives at home.
Note: dress costs were discussed, she loved the dress that we picked and she promised to do all this stuff for my moh but hasn't come through. I make plans to do things with her and she rarely ever commits to it. It's to the point when she has said she would stop by but doesn't even show up or call. She doesn't see herself or think what she does is wrong, so its hard when I talk to her about things like this because its a surprise and I look like the bridezilla.:/
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Re: Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent

  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Did you ask her what her budget is before picking out dresses?

    And did your MOH ASK her if she can afford to contribute to the bach party? If the MOH is hosting she should ask everyone's budgets privately and THEN decide on something, otherwise she will get screwed over.

    Regardless if she has a good job or not, doesn't mean she should be asked to shell out $$ for everything. I am standing up in a wedding in October, I have my own wedding in April and I am standing up in another one in June. On top of that we are looking for a house and I have to pay student loans. Neither bride asked me for my budget and if the dress was over what I could afford I would have definitely said something.
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  • Christine9866Christine9866 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    I personally think $170 is a great price. I would talk with her personally and ask her what is going on, and if she can't make the financial commitment to being in the wedding let her know that is okay. I feel when you agree to stand up to be in a wedding you are aware and agree to all of the financial commitments that go along with it.  If she can't contribute to the bachelorette then she should not go.

    I feel that every bridal party does something different as far as planning and paying for things. For instance, my shower is being thrown by my sisters and my mother. They are the ones paying for it and are not asking for any of the other girls to contribute money. But I have been in a wedding where we were each asked to contribute $50.00 each (which I believe was minimal)

    As for the bachelorette party, I would hope anything around the logisitics and people paying for things my sisters would not tell me and would get everything figured out on their own so I won't be stressed. I am involved with the planning of mine. I sent my sisters a list of who i wanted invited outside of the bridal party.  They will be sending the girls an email with prices and details of everything. If they can't go or can't afford it they won't come. I feel what we are doing is budget friendly so even if its just my b-party its not that big of a financial constraint that is going to cost them over $200.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_troublesome-bridesmaid-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:9294c26e-f599-4dff-a6e1-50395973a782Post:23c2b784-fe5f-4af6-b295-8850af52cdc4">Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 6 girls in my party, one of them is being ridic on the prices of the dresses. The dresses I picked out are 170 but she wanted to buy something at Davids for 99 "since she doesn't want to spend money on a dress she will only wear once." (so its not because she cant afford it)  I picked purple long chiffon dresses and she had the audacity to send me a long sleeved dress that came in the wrong color, fabric and length!! I can't believe this! She is one of my oldest friends. Not only that, my Moh said she is having trouble with her planning the b party and is afraid she won't contribute. <strong>The girl has a good job and lives at home.</strong>
    Posted by FutureMrsKupko[/QUOTE]

    <div>Could you sound more entitled? The poor girl just wants to be responsible with her money and I don't blame her one bit. </div><div>
    </div><div>You should have asked her what her budget was privately before settling on a dress and dictating how much she should spend. She doesn't have to be in the WP. She's doing it at a favor to you and you shouldn't be anything but gracious. </div><div>
    </div><div>As far as the bachelorette party goes, don't let your MOH cause drama. Respect people's monitary decisions and supoort them. If anything, tell your MOH to back off and not talk badly about your other BM to her. </div><div>
    </div><div>Take your BM out to lunch. Call her on the phone. Talk something OTHER than wedding. She has a life too, and one that you were obviously involved in enough before you got engaged. </div>
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_troublesome-bridesmaid-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:9294c26e-f599-4dff-a6e1-50395973a782Post:5766eb76-9638-4dab-9120-b35fc1b1c47c">Re: Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I personally think $170 is a great price. I would talk with her personally and ask her what is going on, and if she can't make the financial commitment to being in the wedding let her know that is okay<strong>. I feel when you agree to stand up to be in a wedding you are aware and agree to all of the financial commitments that go along with it.  If she can't contribute to the bachelorette then she should not go.</strong> I feel that every bridal party does something different as far as planning and paying for things. For instance, my shower is being thrown by my sisters and my mother. They are the ones paying for it and are not asking for any of the other girls to contribute money. But I have been in a wedding where we were each asked to contribute $50.00 each (which I believe was minimal) As for the bachelorette party, I would hope anything around the logisitics and people paying for things my sisters would not tell me and would get everything figured out on their own so I won't be stressed. I am involved with the planning of mine. I sent my sisters a list of who i wanted invited outside of the bridal party.  They will be sending the girls an email with prices and details of everything. If they can't go or can't afford it they won't come. I feel what we are doing is budget friendly so even if its just my b-party its not that big of a financial constraint that is going to cost them over $200.
    Posted by Christine9866[/QUOTE]

    The only thing she technically HAS to buy is a dress. So you're saying that if your very best friend of xx years couldn't afford to buy a BM dress, you'd just tell her too bad she is kicked out?

    If someone offers to host a party for you, THEY should pay. They should not require someone else to chip in. If they asked previously if everyone was comfortable helping out,  That is a different story. But to throw a party and say "hey I am the host, but I need $$ from you or you can't come!" is just rude. Find something that everyone can afford without breaking the bank.
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  • Christine9866Christine9866 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    I am not saying "kick her out" I am saying talk to her and if she can't afford it then mutually discuss what her options are.

    It sounds like all of the girls were asked to contribute to the bachelorette party, I know if I could not afford it just as a guest I would not go (so maybe i should have clarified myself, sry!) as a b-party attendant i probably would explain to the person planning the party budget constraints. I also think that the person planning the party should have discussed the budget with everyone before asking for X amount of money.  I do agree with figuring something out that does not break the bank.
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  • I didn't give all the details of the story and I do not feel entitled to anything special. Everyone agreed on the dresses including this bridesmaid, she picked out her dress and loved it. After all that we went through picking out all the dresses, she is no longer happy with the dress. Its hard working with 6 girls to get on the same page, but I worked so hard to make sure everyone is happy. She also PROMISED all these things to do for my moh to help with b party and all the sudden she flakes out on everyone with all that she said she was going to do. I wrote this post because I thought it was a safe place to vent. It's easy for people to assume but I care about my girls and the financial implications of our wedding. One of my bms has told me to stop trying to make everyone happy because its causing me stress. But I really want to keep things upbeat and happy.
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  • I will also add that my fiance and I are buying everyones dresses since I found a cheaper wholesale vendor online so that everyone has more time to save and save on shipping. They are paying me in October. I felt bad that they had to buy dresses so soon so we are covering the costs. I'm doing all I can to make everyone comfortable yet I'm still going through all this stress with his one bm:
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_troublesome-bridesmaid-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:9294c26e-f599-4dff-a6e1-50395973a782Post:73c65841-bc76-4561-aaeb-5a8da9909ea5">Re:Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't give all the details of the story and I do not feel entitled to anything special. <strong>Everyone agreed on the dresses including this bridesmaid, she picked out her dress and loved</strong> it. After all that we went through picking out all the dresses, she is no longer happy with the dress. Its hard working with 6 girls to get on the same page, but I worked so hard to make sure everyone is happy. <strong>She also PROMISED all these things to do for my moh to help with b party and all the sudden she flakes out on everyone with all that she said she was going to do.</strong> I wrote this post because I thought it was a safe place to vent. It's easy for people to assume but I care about my girls and the financial implications of our wedding. One of my bms has told me to stop trying to make everyone happy because its causing me stress. But I really want to keep things upbeat and happy.
    Posted by FutureMrsKupko[/QUOTE]

    This completely changes everything, then. If she agreed to it and is NOW whining, then whatever, she needs to get over it. Unless something has happened with her personal life that affects her financial situation she is in the wrong. But maybe, like Aud said, go out to lunch and talk to her about it, as a friend.

    You should edit your OP to say that budgets were already discussed, it changes the entire vibe of the post!!
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  • Don't feel like you can't come here and vent--just know you are going to get different opinions from everyone. Different opinions often do help because it makes you see the situation differently.

    Knowing what you just stated-I am sure she wanted to do everything that she promised, and probably still does love her dress, but maybe something came up that now she can't fulfill what she promised and she maybe embarrassed.
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  • In Response to Re:Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent:[QUOTE]In Response to Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent:I have 6 girls in my party, one of them is being ridic on the prices of the dresses. The dresses I picked out are 170 but she wanted to buy something at Davids for 99 "since she doesn't want to spend money on a dress she will only wear once." so its not because she cant afford it nbsp;I picked purple long chiffon dresses and she had the audacity to send me a long sleeved dress that came in the wrong color, fabric and length!! I can't believe this! She is one of my oldest friends. Not only that, my Moh said she is having trouble with her planning the b party and is afraid she won't contribute. The girl has a good job and lives at home.Posted by FutureMrsKupkoCould you sound more entitled? The poor girl just wants to be responsible with her money and I don't blame her one bit.nbsp;You should have asked her what her budget was privately before settling on a dress and dictating how much she should spend. She doesn't have to be in the WP. She's doing it at a favor to you and you shouldn't be anything but gracious.nbsp;As far as the bachelorette party goes, don't let your MOH cause drama. Respect people's monitary decisions and supoort them. If anything, tell your MOH to back off and not talk badly about your other BM to her.nbsp;Take your BM out to lunch. Call her on the phone. Talk something OTHER than wedding. She has a life too, and one that you were obviously involved in enough before you got engaged.nbsp; Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    OUCH, you took me completely wrong. I'm sorry to give people this impression. I should have included more details. But still, thank you for your advice.
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  • Christine9866Christine9866 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_troublesome-bridesmaid-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:9294c26e-f599-4dff-a6e1-50395973a782Post:6f612c11-af87-4683-9d23-73970fdfdf05">Re:Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent : <strong>This completely changes everything</strong>, then. If she agreed to it and is NOW whining, then whatever, she needs to get over it. Unless something has happened with her personal life that affects her financial situation she is in the wrong. But maybe, like Aud said, go out to lunch and talk to her about it, as a friend. <strong>You should edit your OP to say that budgets were already discussed, it changes the entire vibe of the post!!
    </strong>Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

    Yes, do this! :) I agree with VK. KNowing what you just stated, I am sure she wanted to do everything that she promised, but maybe something came up that she now can't follow through, and she maybe embarrassed. I would talk with her privately.

    Don't feel like you can't come here just know you are going to get all different types of opinions and sometimes this does help in looking at the situation differently :)
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  • Thank you both! You are right sometimes you hear things you don't want to hear but there is good advice still!: plus even if its negative, it makes you question yourself to see if there is any truth to it. Thank you all, keep the advice coming because I'm struggling with his one...
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker

    Just be careful that she might not pay you for the dress when the time comes. Or ask her to give you $10 a month.

    3 minutes until I get off work, so I hope you all have a great weekend!

    Good luck!

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  • I feel like I'm behind; no one's planning any parties or showers for me.  Three of my bridesmaids delicately inquired about my preferences on strippers (NO!) but your MOH is already in financial mode?  Wow.
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  • My MoH is in 2 weddings this summer, so she's not keyed in on my wedding yet. Which is fine, because we don't have much planned yet. I haven't even gone dress shopping yet. It sounds like she really is being flakey. You talked about budget before, she indicated it was fine, and now she's being trouble. I didn't really love spending a lot of money on a dress I have only worn once for a friend's wedding, but I did like it while wearing it, I can wear it again if I want to, and I got a lot of joy out of contributing to and making my friend's day go well. This is the attitude all wedding party member's should have, because it really isn't about them. I'm not saying people should spend beyond their means or go into debt because of your wedding, but they should remember it's your day, and as long as you're making reasonable requests, they should do their best to meet them. If she's not communicating at all and dodging you, there's a real problem there. Try to do something NWR, but if she can't even do that, I think you're justified in thinking about asking her to step down.
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  • edited July 2012
    In Response to Re:Troublesome Bridesmaid Vent:I feel like I'm behind; no one's planning any parties or showers for me. nbsp;Three of my bridesmaids delicately inquired about my preferences on strippers NO! but your MOH is already in financial mode? nbsp;Wow. Posted by erbear84 One of my bms is a nurse and needs to schedule off months in advance. My moh hasn't talked yet with everyone, she is worried about the future because she is being flaky now.I think because my FI groomsmen planned his party 3 months ago, everyone was getting anxious. Lol 2 of his groomsmen are in med school and live out of state so everything is planned in advance.
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  • Did you bother to ask any of your girls what their price range is? I had a talk with my girls before we started looking at dresses and agreed on nothing more than $100, which I am finding quite a few dresses I like in that price range. You shouldn't be mad at her for wanting to spend her money the way she wants to. As well as you may know her, I'm sure you don't know her finances 100%.
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