vent

FutureMrsKupko

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vk2204

She is your FRIEND, that is why you asked her. Not everyone else's lives revolve around our weddings. She isn't required to do all of the extras. I know you have been more than accomodating, but take a step back. Have you talked to her about anything not related to the wedding? Do you know if something is going on in her life and she is just busy?

I only ask because right now I am that bridesmaid. I have too much on my plate right now and I am trying to balance everything. I hate thinking about my own wedding, let alone having to hear about someone else's. In one weekend this month, I have 3 wedding 'gatherings' for two different weddings. On top of everything else. If you would have asked me in June would I be available, I would have said of course; but things come up.

So I guess all I am saying is try not to be always in wedding mode. And don't stress out about your friend. She will be there for you. If she is late, so what, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED so smile

nay1984

vk I can see how that happens

but sometimes wedding planning does bring out the worst in your friends...if she is going to just decline she can explain to you why. If she is being negative about everything maybe have a talk with her. I have the 'childhood' bridesmaid and she had a negative comment about anything i suggested or said, so I had a talk with her asking her to explain what shes going through during this. I even left it open that if she didnt want it that I would understand, and she started to realize what energy she was putting out there and Ive noticed a big difference. As much as wedding planning can be stressful it is supposed to be a happy time, so you shouldnt be made to feel bad because you want to have a lunch with the girls. Be understanding if not everyone can make it, but part of being in a wedding party is to go along with what the bride wants to do and being supportive!

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:947d8b02-b4f2-4c12-99c1-94992eae80b6Post:aaf03fbc-80cb-4dec-9f86-32292c3747b6">Re: vent</a>:
[QUOTE]vk I can see how that happens but sometimes wedding planning does bring out the worst in your friends...if she is going to just decline she can explain to you why. If she is being negative about everything maybe have a talk with her. I have the 'childhood' bridesmaid and she had a negative comment about anything i suggested or said, so I had a talk with her asking her to explain what shes going through during this. I even left it open that if she didnt want it that I would understand, and she started to realize what energy she was putting out there and Ive noticed a big difference. As much as wedding planning can be stressful it is supposed to be a happy time, so you shouldnt be made to feel bad because you want to have a lunch with the girls. Be understanding if not everyone can make it, <strong>but part of being in a wedding party is to go along with what the bride wants to do and being supportive!
</strong>Posted by nay1984[/QUOTE]

I don't fully agree with this. While I think that the bride has the final say, I do think she should take in the opinions of her closest friends. It honestly bugs the sh!t out of me when people say "it's my day, you must do as I say blahblah". I guess this is more of me just venting about the wedding I am standing up in lol. I don't like being TOLD what to do, if you ask me, it's a different story, but please don't tell me what I have to wear to a stupid party.

We were told to pay for the bach party, which would have been fine if I had been asked about it first, but nope the fbook invite said you MUST pay to attend. That's awesome. And also everyone who goes MUST wear a little black dress. F that. You want to tell people there is a color theme you're going for, okay. But don't say that I must wear a damn LBD so the bride can stand out - Because remember it's her day.

When it comes down to it you are throwing a party for your guests. You want them to be happy and say good things about your wedding. That is how I have been looking at it. But, OP, regarding the flaky BM, I would be pissed too. Especially since she is cancelling without notice; but don't let it get to you. Expect it to happen and it will be okay!

orangehills

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:947d8b02-b4f2-4c12-99c1-94992eae80b6Post:aaf03fbc-80cb-4dec-9f86-32292c3747b6">Re: vent</a>:
[QUOTE]vk I can see how that happens but sometimes wedding planning does bring out the worst in your friends...if she is going to just decline she can explain to you why. If she is being negative about everything maybe have a talk with her. I have the 'childhood' bridesmaid and she had a negative comment about anything i suggested or said, so I had a talk with her asking her to explain what shes going through during this. I even left it open that if she didnt want it that I would understand, and she started to realize what energy she was putting out there and Ive noticed a big difference. As much as wedding planning can be stressful it is supposed to be a happy time, so you shouldnt be made to feel bad because you want to have a lunch with the girls. Be understanding if not everyone can make it,<strong> but part of being in a wedding party is to go along with what the bride wants to do and being supportive!</strong>
Posted by nay1984[/QUOTE]

Not true... All the bridesmaid is supposed to do is get the dress and show up. Everything else is not required or necessary, just a bonus! Usually you hope your friends that are closest to you and that are in your wedding party will be into your wedding somewhat and want to celebrate with you, but sometimes they aren't or are too busy, and that is just fine because, they aren't required to be!

nay1984

yah if you want to write it on paper all they have to do but a wedding should be fun ive been in several wedding parties and now that im the bride you want your girls involved. they dont HAVE to do anything but it doesnt mean you dont WANT them to..and by want i dont mean throw a fit and cry its my day now ur my slave....it doesnt allways have to be that extreme..im saying if your putting out a hand to say lets do somethign nice together its a nice gesture to do it back..of course ppl can be busy...again..dont take my wording for ..YOU HAVE to do this...its just NICE to sometimes do things with your bridesmaids...

shipsinthenight

If you want your BMs to do anything for you, you really do have to ask first. And if a BM wants another BM to do something, she has to ask them first, like pay for something or wear something specific. This is how life works. Unless you are someone's boss, you NEED to ask them first. And even when you are someone's boss, it's nicer to ask them first, but if you need to, you tell them.

OP, I understand the fear you have related to your WD and this BM and something potentially going wrong. I tend to be a little bit of a control freak, as does my mother, but come the day of your wedding, you need to make the list of people you're trying to control very short...YOU. Everything else needs to be something you let go of. If you're all planning on meeting somewhere and going in a limo, if someone is late, and you MUST leave at a certain time, you leave without them if they are late, call and text them that they're now responcible for their own transportation to the next local, and then let it go. I wish my friend could have done that for her wedding when her mom lost it at their house, said she wasn't supporting the wedding and wasn't coming. I would have left her. Then she can sit and stew for a little while, realize she's wrong, and figure out a way to get to the church. Or not. A wedding requires two concenting adults and an officiant. Anyone else who won't come or can't come is missing out. It may hurt, but it's true. So the day of your wedding, if your friend is late, wearing the wrong thing, stumbles down drunk, whatever, remember that it only reflects badly on her, not on you, and all you have to be concerned with is that your fi is at the end of the aisle, with the officiant, and that someone has the liscence somewhere. Because weddings are one day, but a marriage is (hopefully) for life.