Including Children in the Vows

chinofiesta93

My DS and I are ofcourse a package deal

We'd love to include him in the vows, as we are becoming a family, the three of us.
There is the unity candle, but I don't want him to handle fire. He'll be 4 and a half when we get married.
I've also heard that many people use the unity sand -- but my Pastor refuses to have that be part of our ceremony. He's a pretty symbolic guy and sees it this way:  even though everyone pours their sand in and it combines in a bottle, each person is left with an empty, or half empty bottle. To him, that means that you lose your own individual self.
SO, any other ideas?

ChiGirl2013

I assume from your wording that your FI is not your son's father.  If this is the case, you can find family medallions online and give him that.  They come in either necklace or keychain form and they also come with their own wording.

I also attended a wedding where the priest announced that the groom was going to bring an offering to the Blessed Mother in honor of his bride being a mom.  He brought over a bouquet of flowers to the statue of Mary, and the child was waiting at the statue.  The groom took the child's hand and they both walked back to the bride.  They all joined hands with the child in the middle and the priest said a blessing over the new family.  I thought it was very beautiful.

A lot of people, however, frown on these things because they feel that a young child doesn't understand what's really going on, and that a wedding is between a grown man and a grown woman - not a child.  So be prepared for a few people to make a stink or try to talk you out of it.  As a stepchild myself, though, I know I would have loved it and it would have really helped cement the fact that my stepparent accepted ME, not just my parent.

chinofiesta93

I love those ideas!!

People have made small comments to me regarding including DS but I've just shrugged them off. To each their own, ya know. For me, it's of utmost importance that we are entering our marriage as a family, so I don't bother with other people's opinions.

dandelionsgirl

My Priest said something about family vows during the ceremony to include my daughter.  Where FI would take a vow to protect/love etc her.  Your officiate may do something similar.

ChiGirl2013

I don't mind it, honestly.  However, I would keep it seperate from your actual VOWS, because the vows are the promises made when 1 person marries another.  Your FI is not marrying your son.  So I would make the "family ceremony" seperate, and if you have to make a second set of promises during that, do it then - not during the "real" wedding vows.  You could do your usual vows to create the union between husband and wife, and then do vows/promises that the husband/wife also create a new family.  To me, you don't create a new family until after the man and woman has already become husband and wife.  Hope that makes sense. 

chinofiesta93

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_including-children-in-the-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:96444f60-2b09-471a-a8d2-042d384e7937Post:d5c3f9bd-bd7b-451f-90b7-ceec5f7e3529">Re: Including Children in the Vows</a>:
[QUOTE]I  To me, you don't create a new family until after the man and woman has already become husband and wife.  Hope that makes sense. 
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]


YES yes definitely. You made the distinction and I completely agree with that.

verocasillas24

Ive been on the hunt for ideas how to include my now 4 year old soon to be step son. I love the idea of my fianc an his son offering flowers to the Blessed Mother and a family prayer being offered. I think this would be perfect for us.