My first...

[Deleted User]

RSVP write in.  This one's interesting because it's a good friend from high school.  Originally, I invited her and her boyfriend.  Apparently her BF can't made it, so she invited her best friend and wrote her name in on the line.  Okay...well, that doesn't change the number but I don't believe I've ever met this girl, since they were friends in college.

Anyways, originally I was thinking I'd just let it slide since she's not inviting more people or anything and then I thought...hey, I don't actually know this girl, why am I paying for her dinner??

Thoughts?  I'm kind of torn on this one.

lpick21

Hmmm.

Well, I will admit I did this once, but I was 23 and I ASKED first! My bf couldn't come (he was invited) and I was flying in for the wedding, so I asked the groom (did not know the bride) if I could bring a girlfriend that he knew, and he said he was fine with it. At the time my mindset was "if i'm spending all this money to fly in, I should be able to bring a friend," though now that I'm a bride, I'd probably look at it the way you are -- why do I have to buy her dinner?

Maybe give it a few days and see if it looks like your final list is going to be above or below what you expected. If you can manage, I'd say let it go, but if it really bothers you/puts you over budget, I think it's within your bridal power to say something.

allychase

I agree if you can let it slide I would, but in my case every last person is stretching the budget so I'd have to call and tell her the invite was for her and BF only and I hope she can still make it. My invites went out today so fingers crossed there aren't too many write ins...

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_my-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:a4cda587-8186-4213-bce6-cd7671a11f9cPost:811b445d-3f90-4c85-b0dd-5b174b75fe0b">Re: My first...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree if you can let it slide I would, but in my case every last person is stretching the budget so I'd have to call and tell her the invite was for her and BF only and I hope she can still make it. My invites went out today so fingers crossed there aren't too many write ins...
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad you can understand. I think it's a little too early in the RSVP game to tell how the numbers are going to shake out.  We saved some extra money in case we have a lot of people come but we'd really like to put that money towards a house instead.  I mentioned this to FI last night and all I got was a "Hmmm" lol.  I also posted on the etiquette board and I got a lot of mixed responses.</div>

orangehills

Hmm I don't know. Are you inviting the significant others, boyfriends/girlfriends, fiances, of every person in a relationship at the moment? I couldn't tell from the post on etiquette.  If not (which you really should be, unless they got together after invites went out of course- even if you don't know them- that's just proper etiquette- I have 4 people I don't know that are boyfriends/girlfriends of my guests), then no, this person should not be allowed to bring just a friend. Couples should be invited together no matter what, especially over friends. So since you are wanting only 150, I'd def. tell her sorry... but risk that she may not come because she may not be comfortable going alone.

[Deleted User]

What you saw on the E-board referred to guests that got together with these people after the guest list was set and invites went out.  I'm not even sure if they're with any of them still but if we do have extra room I plan to call them and extend the invitation if any of them are still dating these girls.

[Deleted User]

Just found my answer-also posted this in the etiquette board:

I just found the section in Peggy Post's book Wedding Etiquette 5th ed, page 96:

Help! What do I do about...

Including partners: Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations.  This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together-whether you or anyone in the wedding party knows them or not.  Allowing single guests who aren't attached to significant others to bring dates is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is certainly not required and often not realistic.

Guests who ask to bring guests: The answer is straightforward: It is impolite of a guest to ask if he or she can bring a date-but it is not impolite of you to refuse.  You may certainly say no...However, if you discover that they are engaged or living together, invite your friend's partner, either verbally or by invitation."

I knew I saw it somewhere.

tiny speck

If you'd really rather not have this girl come, it's totally fine to call up your friend and say, sorry but the invitation is non-transferrable. Will she know anyone else at the wedding? If so, definitely don't feel bad about asking her to come alone.

vk2204

I haven't looked on the E board, but is this girl travelling to come to the wedding? If yes, I would let her bring a guest so she doesn't have to come alone. If she is local then if you want you can call and let her know it is non-transferable.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_my-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:a4cda587-8186-4213-bce6-cd7671a11f9cPost:d2bd736a-d0fd-4aaf-be89-fe8a5c095e67">Re: My first...</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't looked on the E board, but is this girl travelling to come to the wedding? If yes, I would let her bring a guest so she doesn't have to come alone. If she is local then if you want you can call and let her know it is non-transferable.
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

She's as local as it gets.  She'd be driving 2 hours, whereas everyone else would travel around 8 hours to get there.  She will know several other people there that we went to high school with and hung out with a LOT.

My dilemma is that I don't have anything against her bringing a friend to make herself feel more comfortable but I may need that seat later after the RSVPs come back.  Our tent seats 150 and after that we have to start adding little side tents and more port-a-potties. 

According to "the book" etiquette dictates that she shouldn't have written in the other girl's name.  However, if we have fewer than 150, I'll feel bad knowing that she could have brought her friend.  I don't think anyone else would notice but FI and I. 

I've come to the consensus that I'm going to let it slide for now and see how the RSVPs go for the next week. If our guest list is blown out of the water, I will give her a call.   The bottom line here is that this girl was clearly not invited because her name was clearly not on the invitation and I HAVE NEVER MET HER!! lol :-)   If someone has to get cut, she's first on the chopping block. Also, it's not like I'm "uninviting" this person that was never on the list to begin with.

Anyway...we shall see how it goes :-)  Thanks for your input ladies and thank you for being polite!!!

rslilly1

Agreeing with the rest- if you can, let it slide.  But if it gets tight, politely talk with her. 

I have done this as a guest- I dated a soldier for a while, so there were several weddings that the two of us were invited to and he couldn't make it.  Some (usually when I knew a lot of the other guests) I went alone, but some I took a friend.  I'll admit, I don't think I ever asked if I could do the switch-a-roo on the +1.  I just assumed if my guy had been invited, that it didn't really matter if that extra person was him or someone else.  So there's a good chance she has no idea that she's causing you stress and wouldn't mind leaving the friend at home if she knew. 

[Deleted User]

Yea, I'm not too stressed about it anymore.  I think I was just looking for overwhelming opinions one way or another but it seems like the viewpoints are all over the board.  I stopped responding on the e-board because it generated all of these spinoff questions that I don't really care about.

So yea, it's sliding for now, I haven't talked to her about it at all and don't plan to until later.  I also texted my other guy friends that asked if they can bring dates and told them that I haven't forgotten about their requests and told them what our progress is on Yes RSVPs.  Once they saw the numbers they were like, "Oh dang, yea I understand your problem, no worries!" and one of them isn't even sure he can come. 

I also told them that I really hope I can accomodate all of these other people, which is true.  I'd much rather have a fun young crowd over some of our family members (outlaws as my mother calls them) ;-)