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April 2013 Weddings

Questioning April 6

So as you know my FSIL was murdered on 1/28/13. She was one of my best friends and one of my MOH. As of right now I have no desire to have my wedding in April. We don't have any non-refundable deposits out or anything major like that. I just don't think that I can stand there with her spot empty and make it through the day. My mama and my other bestest/MOH say that I will feel better and to not make any decisions until next week but they will support me no matter what I choose. I know that no matter what date we pick she will still not be there but I just don't know what to do.
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Re: Questioning April 6

  • I'm with your mom don't make any snap judgements give yourself a week. Don't worry about the wedding right now. Your guests may have made non refunable travel/hotel arrangements but I think they'd understand if you opted to change.  

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • I don't know any details regarding your FSIL, but if there will have to be a trial or anything court related it might be best to postpone the wedding until all of the details have been figured out. I wouldn't make any decisions right now. But do what is best for you and your family. I am sorry :(
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_questioning-april-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:a7633f5c-716c-444c-85df-8f91391487d7Post:0e848b9a-d0f2-406a-a25a-9a726e5fea8e">Re: Questioning April 6</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with your mom don't make any snap judgements give yourself a week. Don't worry about the wedding right now. Your guests may have made non refunable travel/hotel arrangements but I think they'd understand if you opted to change.   I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Posted by Spunky414[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, no one has made any reservations because we couldn't decide on a hotel. </div>
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  • Yep, give it a week.  You probably won't feel THAT much better but you may have a greater sense of peace, at least.  LIke VK said, your future family may need to devote some time to figure out legal stuff but you won't know that for at least a week, probably.  Take a week off and think about it.  *hugs*

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  • I agree with taking a week off, for multiple reasons. First, I think you need a week to just not think about wedding or anything except what you need to do in regards to this - whether it be thinking/talking about the good times a lot, a lot of crying and mourning, or putting in stupid movies to completely forget about life. Whatever you and your FI  need, you should be doing. Then, when you've had time to take care of yourself and your FI, you can revisit the subject and see how you feel then. I just don't think you should make the decision so quickly when you're still heavily in the throes of emotion. You may decide it's right to cancel but you also may decide that your families need to have something happy to remind them of the good in life. You just will need some perspective to make the right decision.

    Again, I am so so sorry for your loss.
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  • joheryljoheryl member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    So sorry for your loss.  I really don't feel I can comment on what you should do but take some time and think about it like PP have mentioned.  Give yourself time to grieve.

  • ChiGirl2013ChiGirl2013 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    I definitely agree that you should wait before you make any major decisions.

    I know if I were in your shoes, my FSIL wouldn't want me to cancel the wedding.  It sounds stupid to think of it that way, but she (as well as my blood sisters) know that we've been waiting almost 9 years with a 4.5 year engagement.  They all know how important this wedding is to us to FINALLY make it "real."  Not a single one of them would want us to cancel things because of them.  And yes - I'm very big on the "FSIL, give me a sign.  What should I do?" sort of thing.  I believe that she sees you, she hears you, and she is listening, so try to talk to her.  Maybe you'll get some sort of answer that will help you make your decision. 

    No matter what date you choose, her spot will be empty and it's going to be painful.  I would also consider the fact that if there is a trial coming up, it will definitely take priority over your wedding, and would you want to have a wedding/leave for your honeymoon with all the trial stuff going on?  I know I would want to be there front and center every single day for that trial.  My family would PACK that courthouse as a unified front and there's no way I would want to miss it for things like meetings, fittings, or a honeymoon.  But that's just me.

    Like a pp said, the family may be looking forward to the wedding so they have something happy to anticipate instead of thinking about sad things all the time.  Maybe give it a week and then talk to some of the more important guests/family members and see what they think.  *HUGS*
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  • I'm really sorry for your loss, but I'm going to agree with all the other posters. I lost my dad- and while it was a sickness and not something tragic and sudden, it got easier with time. You still have 2 months before the wedding, and though it's hard to think of it now, you may be feeling better by then. No matter what, the day will be hard whenever it is because she is not there, but she would probably want the marriage to happen since she loved you guys. Just take some time off and if in a week or two you still just can't imagine it, or like what a PP said, if there is a trial or anything, then maybe postpone it. Or you could always just downsize it and do something really small with family if you still want to get married, but just can't imagine a bigger wedding now. Good luck with it all, I'm just really sorry you all are going through this!
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  • Thanks everyone. Her and her Dad were the only ones from FI step-dad's family that was coming to the wedding so it is mostly me that is having this wedding stutter. I am going to give it a week and decide what we are going to do. Thank ya'll for all the love.
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