Apathetic about planning groom

1mobags

does anyone else have a groom that is completely hands off in the planning? Mine doesn't seem realize that getting married in April means having to interview and choose dj/photo/jp now! He seems more than happy to let me do all the work. Case in point.... I am on vacation this week. He is taking Friday off. I say I am making photo appt this week, I can make it on Friday if you want to come otherwise I'll do it thursday.... His response???? Do Thursday, maybe I shouldn't be giving him the choice?????

He seems to think that there is no rush to book things. When I told him we would lose venue for April if we didn't book his answer was.... Then we'll get married in march or february. UGH!!!!!!!

vk2204

I don't like planning the wedding, so I can understand where your FI is coming from. BUT I do think he is being too lax about it.

For our wedding, we luckily knew who we wanted for our big vendors with minimal research. We booked our reception hall ASAP. I used to work there and knew that is where I wanted it to be. And we are Catholic and we are getting married at my church, so again pretty easy.

We met with our photog once. We went to HS with her and basically met with her as a formality but we would have booked her regardless. With our DJ; my FI called them up and asked for a contract and that was it, no meeting at all! Same with our photobooth. Just called and talked to them over the phone and sent in our deposit.

I would tell your FI that he needs to start helping you out. Or come up with a crazy vendor that is totally out of budget and let him see what you could do without his 'wonderful opinion' lol. Good Luck!

ChiGirl2013

FI couldn't care less about anything except the food and the cake.  lol  So I just plan what *I* like and if he complains about it, oh well.  I gave him the chance to voice his opinion and he keeps saying "Whatever you want" or "Eh, it's OK."  And, since he doesn't offer any alternatives, my way wins.  :-D

Honestly, all he cares about is us getting married.  He says the rest is all just to show off for everyone else.  By the time we walk down the aisle, we would have been together for 9.5 years and he just wants to be married.  He could care less about the details.  It makes things so much easier for me to just say yes to whatever I want.  I'm actually sort of glad he doesn't want to be involved in the planning because the man can't make a decision to save his life.

1mobags

LOL! Glad I'm not alone....... FI is a bit lax, baseline, which is the opposite of my hyper organized personality.... No such thing as a day off.... It's gym, cleaning, appts etc New technique, I'm going to tell him he needs to give me 15 mins a night for wedding planning stuff..... At least here in the beginning where so much has to get planned. I don't mind doing the legwork but he has to participate... It's his day too. Heck I would just go to city hall but he has to have family and if that's the case we are going to do this right. Oy.

triciaholden1987

We have designated wedding planning time. We made a deal that during that time, he is ok with just wedding stuff. I have also learned that my FI does best if I give him my top 2-3 picks, all of which I like. From there he picks his favorite. It seems to be working for us. Good luck.

[Deleted User]

Tricia, we do something similar via skype :-)

shipsinthenight

I worry about the "so we'll get married in a later month" thing. That would really hurt my feelings if fi said that. Did you talk about why you wanted to get married in April? Does he not care when for real, or is there something else going on? I would probably be questioning if fi wanted to marry me if he was being that appathetic. I'm not saying that's the case here, but he clearly doesn't realize how insensitive this statement was or could be. Does he think you're getting wedding obsessed? Assure him once the big things are booked then you'll have a little time to relax. Have you been spending time together without talking wedding stuff? We don't have designated wedding time, but I try to limit myself to one or two major coments a day, or less. Like today when I got home, no wedding talk at all, just hugs and cuddles. I kept the wedding stuff to myself today, mapping out my Friday shopping for programs and other stationary at JoAnn's.

rmasoka

Am sorry about that:( I can't even imagine how tough this is. Sometimes though men just need a little guidance and 'motivation' about wedding stuff...talk to him and let him know how frustrating this is and remind him that this is a wedding for both of you and that you would appreciate his input and you value it. Give him time, but let him know things book up quickly and you need to make decisions. Good luck. It will all work out.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_apathetic-about-planning-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:d604710d-e9c0-42c4-984d-3ba977b918fePost:bedd8336-d76b-4e6a-894f-681e58a25d86">Re: Apathetic about planning groom</a>:
[QUOTE]I worry about the "so we'll get married in a later month" thing. That would really hurt my feelings if fi said that. Did you talk about why you wanted to get married in April? Does he not care when for real, or is there something else going on? <strong>I would probably be questioning if fi wanted to marry me if he was being that appathetic.</strong>I'm not saying that's the case here, but he clearly doesn't realize how insensitive this statement was or could be. Does he think you're getting wedding obsessed? Assure him once the big things are booked then you'll have a little time to relax. Have you been spending time together without talking wedding stuff? We don't have designated wedding time, but I try to limit myself to one or two major coments a day, or less. Like today when I got home, no wedding talk at all, just hugs and cuddles. I kept the wedding stuff to myself today, mapping out my Friday shopping for programs and other stationary at JoAnn's.
Posted by shipsinthenight[/QUOTE]

I think that is a little bit harsh. Just because he isn't in to planning the wedding doesn't mean he is having second thoughts. Most guys don't know what goes into planning a wedding, hell I don't know what I am doing most of the time. For a long time my FI didn't want to even think about the wedding and even now it can be like pulling teeth, but I would never question his love for me based off of that.

erbear84

Yeah, I wouldn't be questioning if he wants to marry you over not wanting to be involved in planning.  My FI just wants to marry me.  I keep him in the loop with vendors but he really doesn't care.  I'm trying to get him to sit down and make a guest list and he asked me if I could take care of it...funny, since I don't know who he wants to invite.  So, OP, you're not alone!

1mobags

In Response to Re:Apathetic about planning groom:[QUOTE]I worry about the quot;so we'll get married in a later monthquot; thing. That would really hurt my feelings if fi said that. Did you talk about why you wanted to get married in April? Does he not care when for real, or is there something else going on? I would probably be questioning if fi wanted to marry me if he was being that appathetic. I'm not saying that's the case here, but he clearly doesn't realize how insensitive this statement was or could be. Does he think you're getting wedding obsessed? Assure him once the big things are booked then you'll have a little time to relax. Have you been spending time together without talking wedding stuff? We don't have designated wedding time, but I try to limit myself to one or two major coments a day, or less. Like today when I got home, no wedding talk at all, just hugs and cuddles. I kept the wedding stuff to myself today, mapping out my Friday shopping for programs and other stationary at JoAnn's. Posted by shipsinthenight[/QUOTE]

Oh no Lol! His response was to get married EVEN EARLIER!!!! He just doesnt understand the work involved... I hate the planning too but just want to get it done fiber can relax and enjoy being engaged :

1mobags

Flipping auto correct ..... So we can relax and enjoy being engaged ;

alaipply

My FI is totaly uninterested in the planning process.  We (meaning me, MOH, and my Mom) are DIYing almost everything, The only time he got involved at all was in the total buget and alcohol.  He, also, is excited about the being married, just not concerned with the getting there.  

Do you have supportive bridesmaids/MOH/MOB/FMIL?  Since the FI isnt offering any opinions and I often second guess myself as soon as I've hit the purchase button, I run almost everything by someone else whose been helping me plan to get a second opinion and if he doesn't like it, too bad.  Having other people excited has really helped me, even  if it isn't the FI.

jesslynn1012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_apathetic-about-planning-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:d604710d-e9c0-42c4-984d-3ba977b918fePost:f5b2df74-cce2-4eee-b9dc-ee8b87e7df97">Re: Apathetic about planning groom</a>:
[QUOTE]My <strong>FI is totaly uninterested in the planning process.  We (meaning me, MOH, and my Mom) are DIYing almost everything,</strong> The only time he got involved at all was in the total buget and alcohol.  He, also, is excited about the being married, just not concerned with the getting there.   Do you have supportive bridesmaids/MOH/MOB/FMIL?  Since the FI isnt offering any opinions and I often second guess myself as soon as I've hit the purchase button, I run almost everything by someone else whose been helping me plan to get a second opinion and if he doesn't like it, too bad.  Having other people excited has really helped me, even  if it isn't the FI.
Posted by alaipply[/QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY me:)  My FI loves me and wants to marry me, but he's not into the whole party planning stuff.  We will be starting our pre-cana classes soon, and he's going to go to those.  And I generally run things by him that I am planning, but he doesn't care about the decor, attire, cake, etc.  I am letting him contribute in the ways that he wants.  He told me that he wants each pair in the bridal party to have a WWE "theme song" that they are announced to and walk in on.  He wants the guys to each pick out their own entrance music.  I think that is a little silly, but awesome at the same time because it's something he is showing interest in! 
OP- Can you see what he DOES care about and try to get input there?  My FI thinks that April is "forever away" and "we have time" about everything, so I am fine doing a lot of stuff without him.

mabapunta

Luckily my FI is good about keeping up with wedding stuff. We watch our budget together and talk over options of vendors, etc. Some of it he's cool with letting me decide - like the DJ and florist because I had talked to them directly and we had good recommendations otherwise on both sides. A lot of it I'm super into the details because I'm just like that, and he is happy to let me handle it. I still request his advice when I have done the research and found options...but definitely, he's not as into all the details as I am, so you're def not alone in that respect

1mobags

I'm happy to say that after one dramatic meltdown, the man is now more than happy to listen and offer suggestions!

lcatterton

What seems to help my FI is if I give him prior notice that we need to discuss something.. Just by telling him "Hey honey, we need to talk about the guest list after dinner" it gives him a chance to get his mind ready for what I've got to throw at him rather than just getting home and blabbing up a storm! Haha.

And, I don't include him in every minute detail.. I want him to be attentive when I need him, so I don't go on and on about all the candy we're using in the favors or the colors of each thing I purchase or exactly how I'm making my shoes! I keep him on a need to know basis.. If he gets curious about certain aspects, he can ask! But, he hasn't yet! Haha.

Also, I tend to negotiate.. For example, we're going to a concert this Friday (metal show type thing, more his deal), so I told him last week that I wouldn't mention the wedding until after, but then we need to get on it!!!! It's given him a good break, but I can't wait to dive back into planning after this fun weekend trip!