no "and guest"

KaitlynnJoy

We are having a very small wedding, with only about 50 people on the guest list.  We cut several friends and even some family to keep costs down and things more intimate overall.  Now we are less than three weeks out from the wedding and we are still receiving RSVPs, one of which has come in from a family member who has just included a guest on the RSVP, despite the invitation not including a guest.  Now if I even knew this guest, or if this was a large event where it wouldnt make any difference if just one extra person came, then I wouldn;t really care.  However, neither of those are true, and I've already informed other family members they cannot even come because we've chosen to keep things small and some friends that are coming that they cannot bring random guests.  I am at a loss as to what to do with this as I know this person will likely be offended if I say their guest cannot come at this point, but I also know this guest will stick out completely at the wedding since only about 4 other people there will even know them, and I am not even one of the four despite being the bride!  Is it so rude to think it's MY wedding so I don't want random people at it, even if they are "like family" to other family members? They can attend their wedding instead of mine!  I'm just really not interested in dealing with drama this close to the big day, or on it for that matter.

orangehills

Well, if the guest is a boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband, then yes, they need to be invited. That is proper etiquette, and you would be very much in the wrong to not invite them. But if it's just a friend or family member they want to bring along, then no, you have every right to let them know the invitation is just for them and you can't accomodate the guest. However, if they are traveling from out of town and are more comfortable with someone, consider it if it makes it easier for them.

I'm having a very small wedding too- 27 people total, but everyone is bringing a guest, and neither FI or I know some of them because they are newer significant others. So you really can't take the attitude, it's MY day, because the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to watch you get married, and you want them comfortable and enjoying themselves. Believe me, you really won't notice someone there out of 50.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_no-and-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:deb563ca-72c9-40a3-ba45-25ca4e7f881aPost:54d0666e-e89f-43d2-9f8e-186232415e2b">Re: no "and guest"</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well, if the guest is a boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband, then yes, they need to be invited. That is proper etiquette, and you would be very much in the wrong to not invite them. But if it's just a friend or family member they want to bring along, then no, you have every right to let them know the invitation is just for them and you can't accomodate the guest. However, if they are traveling from out of town and are more comfortable with someone, consider it if it makes it easier for them.</strong> I'm having a very small wedding too- 27 people total, but everyone is bringing a guest, and neither FI or I know some of them because they are newer significant others<strong>. So you really can't take the attitude, it's MY day, because the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to watch you get married, and you want them comfortable and enjoying themselves. Believe me, you really won't notice someone there out of 50.
</strong>Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

 This, exactly

tiny speck

Yeah, I basically agree with everything Orange said too. It's really rude not to invite spouses, fiances, and BFs/GFs.

There are a couple of people coming to our wedding that neither of us has ever met, but they are invited and coming because they are the significant others of our friends. No big deal!

ChiGirl2013

I don't know - I kind of disagree with the mandatory +1 for a new significant other that you haven't even met yet.  I mean, if the bride and groom didn't even know the person was part of their guest's life, and their guest didn't feel that their new significant other was important enough to introduce to the family yet, I don't think they should be coming to the wedding.  I don't think it's bad manners to not include someone you never met and didn't even know about prior to invitations being sent out.  If it's an intimate family-only affair, it's not like the guest won't have anyone there to talk to or sit with.

I think it's MUCH more disrespectful to give yourself a +1 without permission from the bride and groom than it is for the bride and groom to exclude a new significant other that hasn't even been introduced to them yet.  I would call the guest and say "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate any extra guests."  If they get mad and throw a fit and don't come, oh well.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_no-and-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:deb563ca-72c9-40a3-ba45-25ca4e7f881aPost:e2693454-94ca-4f31-bd02-3af855439338">Re: no "and guest"</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know - I kind of disagree with the mandatory +1 for a new significant other that you haven't even met yet.  I mean, if the bride and groom didn't even know the person was part of their guest's life, and their guest didn't feel that their new significant other was important enough to introduce to the family yet, I don't think they should be coming to the wedding.  I don't think it's bad manners to not include someone you never met and didn't even know about prior to invitations being sent out.  If it's an intimate family-only affair, it's not like the guest won't have anyone there to talk to or sit with. I think it's MUCH more disrespectful to give yourself a +1 without permission from the bride and groom than it is for the bride and groom to exclude a new significant other that hasn't even been introduced to them yet.  I would call the guest and say "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate any extra guests."  If they get mad and throw a fit and don't come, oh well.
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

If the relationship started prior to invitations being sent out, then yes they should be included. If it happened after they were sent then they do not need to be included but it is very kind to do so.

Meeting someone should have no impact on whether or not they are invited. There are plenty of people that we invited that myself or my FI have yet to meet because we do not see each other as often as we'd like. Heck I just met FI's cousins for the first time this year after being together for almost 8 years.

I think there is a difference between not knowing about a relationship prior to invitations being sent, and not wanting someone to come because you haven't met them. One is not rude, the other is.

KaitlynnJoy

The guest is not a significant other, new or old, but merely a "BFF" of this person. That's why I took a bit of offense to the assumptive invitation because this person wouldn't have even been on our radar to think of inviting. I also made the point of this uninvited guest having no one to really talk to because they would only really know the person they came with when I was reasoning out my opposition to them coming to my fh I mean why would you want to attend your friend's random family member's wedding where you don't even know anyone?? I'd feel quite awkward honestly. The issue with offending them however is it would really hurt my fh if the INVITED guest did not attend and their child is actually in the wedding so... Here is my rock, here is my hard place! Ha