Update on live in brother

allychase

So I forget if I had mentioned before in my post about my brother who's staying here that the only place for him to go was my grandmoms house. The back story to this is quite long but basically my mom and stepdad and siblings were lured to my stepdads mothers house under the pretense that they would be given their deceased grandmothers house that was left to their estate. My parents were foreclosed on their home in the process but had been behind on the payments for a long time. Now my stepdads aunt moved into the grandmothers house so they can't stay there. It's a terrible, messy situation and my family is pretty much homeless. My grandmom says she refuses to let my brother stay with her because she's mad at my mother for letting my three siblings stay with their father in PA during this whole process. Today my brother and I got in a huge blowout because he had a stomach virus and I said he needs to stay in his room and he curses me out, f me f this f that, slamming his door, etc. I told him to get out of my house and he says f you what are you gonna do to get me out of here. He blantantly says I need to respect him and he won't respect me until I do. My FI is at work but is absolutely floored and wants him out. I know my grandmom will let him stay there if he has nowhere else to go. But I am at my wits end. It's not fair to me to have someone in my house that is so ungrateful and treats me like ish. Not to mention not ever doing chores. I guess this is a vent but advice is welcome. Ugh

vk2204

What does the will say from the grandmother? Who did she leave the estate to? Also, why did the step aunt move in? Does she have her own home somewhere else?

I do think your brother was horrible to you and you don't deserve that at all. I would hope that once things have calmed down he will apologize to you and your FI for the things he said. Can you talk to your grandmom about taking your brother in? Tell her what you want to do and that her house is the only place for him. And then make it happen.

I am sorry you are dealing with this, things will get better.

orangehills

I'm sorry But it sounds like until you actually put your foot down and make something happen, it'll just continue on like this. It will only change if you make it change. If you need to, call the cops. Does he pay rent? I think if he pays rent and can prove that you have to legally give him a certain amount of time, but I don't know if that applies if they don't pay rent. Or, just pack up his stuff- leave it in the garage and change the locks or something. If you want to do something drastic to get your point across, maybe you'll have to. It may take some time to repair the damaged relationship- but it sounds like if he keeps living with you, it will get even worse. This is a really hard situation though.. good luck!!

allychase

The will was just in general to all the kids. No one lived in the house for the first three years after she died, and my stepdad started doing work on the house. One day he went over and his aunt had just moved back in because her daughter kicked her out. They had a lawyer and went through a huge battle but my grandmom kind of just stopped trying and she was the one paying the lawyer so my parents are stuck. It's a mess. I told my stepdad were kicking him out so can he talk to his mom and then I heard my brother on the phone with him. We have been more than accommodating for him and I can't take any more, its so much unneeded tension and stress. It's just hard because I know how bad off my family is right now and feel like I'm causing more problems for them. Ugh. Thanks for your replies!

ChiGirl2013

YOU are not causing any problems.  YOUR BROTHER and his rotten behavior are what's causing the problems.  Don't take on blame that doesn't belong to you!

I vaguely remember your last post.  In my state, it doesn't matter if he's paying rent or not.  If he has been there for a certain amount of time (can't remember if it's 30 or 90 days) and he gets mail, etc delivered there, he can claim it as his home and he's basically a squatter.  You'll have to serve him formal eviction papers to get him out, unless he decides to live on his own. 

Personally, I'd make a chore chart for him and a list of house rules.  Tell him that he either follows it to a T or he gets out, period, end of story.  Maybe you can make his life so miserable that he'll WANT to move out. 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  He sounds EXACTLY like my youngest sister (she just turned 27) and I'm actually not speaking to my mom right now because of my sister and my mom's refusal to make her take some responsibility for herself.  I told my mom not to call me until she stops being a doormat and stops running a flop house for my sister and her drug-dealing boyfriend, and that if she wants to see my daughter, she needs to come HERE because I refuse to subject a 5 year old to the trainwreck going on over there.  So yeah..... I feel your pain.  *HUG*