Bridal Shower Drama!!!!!

mcven528

Alright, so we just found out that my brother and sister-in-law are having a baby. It is due exactly one month before my wedding. No big deal congrats to them and I am so happy for them!
But here is my situation, my mother brought up to me the other day that we should have a dual shower (bridal and baby shower)! She told me to think about it and let her know what I thought. So my FI and I thought about it and we do not like the idea. I'm not trying to sound like a snot, but everyone else in my family has gotten their own bridal shower and its a time to be about us. I am a twin and I have had to share everything moment in my life and I would love to have this one thing to not share with anyone else but My FI of course!
Also having a dual shower, we would have to have at least four showers (at least two for us and two for them, because my FI's family and our friends should not be invited to their baby shower and and my sister-in-laws family and friends should not be invited to our wedding shower).
We told her how we feel about it and she is just acting like our decision does not count and she is insisting on doing it, not putting our feelings into consideration!
Am I over reacting?

mabapunta

I don't think you're overreacting. You all deserve your own time - for friends and family to celebrate you and your FI separately from your bro and his wife. It would be different if you and your FI were having a baby as well, then the combined showers would make more sense. Just because you're family doesn't mean you should share celebrations. I would want my own day, too!! And my own family and friends, honestly.

Did your mom give reasoning as to why she wants to combine them? Is she just trying to put them together to make it easier for other people? Like fewer weekends to travel?

How do your brother and SIL feel? Has your mom pitched the idea to them? Hopefully they disagree as well and can help you convince your mom that it isn't the ideal way to handle the two celebrations. Would your mom be the one hosting the shower/s?

nay1984

i dont think you are wrong in that at all

could you offer to have your shower a little earlier, like a month before  they plan to have it that way the two showers can be separated?

eddiesgirl11

I personally think a joint shower. Is weird, no offense. If I knew you but not your sister in law it would be awkward.  I would almost feel like I had to get her a gift too. Also the day will definitely. Be more about the baby than the wedding.

vk2204

I would vote against it. I am sure your SIL would like to have a party of her own as well. Also as YOUR guest, I would be kind of annoyed that I would have to sit through a baby shower as well, especially if I didn't know the mom to be. Or vice versa. Plus, I would feel that I would have to get a gift for both regardless of my relationship to you guys, ya know?

It just seems way more trouble than it's worth. If your mom keeps pushing the idea, and won't take no for an answer, then I would honestly decline the shower.

Oh, for my shower, I know it will be in Feburary (2 months before our wedding). Not sure when you are planning yours for, but if you say your SIL is due in March I would think she would want a shower where she is not 8 months pregnant because that baby could come at any time!!

Spunky414

Nope not overreacting at all. Is it a money issue for mom? A long distance travel issue for some guests? I'd enlist the help of your brother and SIL and insist on separate showers with a few months between them and offer to help with SIL's shower if that's a concern. You and baby both deserve special separate attention.

Christine9866

You are totally not overreacting! This is a crazy idea, and I feel soooo bad for you. I would talk to your brother and SIL and see what their opinion is. I would continue to talk to your mother, and possibly get your MOH involved to get her on board with you.

orangehills

You aren't overreacting! I would want my own time as well. Besides, a wedding and a baby are such opposites, that just prepping for that shower would be a lot of work. I would just tell your mom that you politely decline. Besides, I think proper etiquette says that a mother shouldn't throw a bridal shower for her daughter, so you could always use that as an excuse

Blondy214

You are definitely not over reacting. I agree with everything PP have said. You deserve to have your own shower and not have to share the day with someone else. It would also be confusing and awkward for people who know either you or your SIL but not the other. 

Have you explained to your mom your point about having 4 different showers to accommodate people who know either you or your SIL, and your fiance's family?

FutureMrsKupko

I agree! That wouldnt be cool with me either! I would say that you both deserve your own separate celebration- they are two different special life events! Why not spread out the celebration! Thats what I would tell my mom

ChiGirl2013

No way Jose'!  I realize it's probably a big money saver but you have the right to have your marriage celebrated on its own, just like your brother has the right to have his child celebrated on its own.  I would not go for it, and I'd flat out say that if it's a joint shower, I'm not showing up.  (My family knows how stubborn I can be, and they know I'd rather ditch "my" shower than share it.) 

If it's a matter of money or people coming from out of town, maybe you can do a morning party for one and an afternoon party for the other.  Or do one on a Saturday and one on a Sunday.  But no, I would not combine them.   How on earth would you even decorate for that?!!?!?!?

allychase

This is honestly the strangest wedding shower idea so far and would not work in any way shape or form. You are not over reacting. You need to have two separate parties

shipsinthenight

You are so right that this is wrong. I think my biggest issue is that your mom asked you to think about this idea, and then when you told her how you felt, she shot you down. Don't bother asking someone for their oppinion if you're not going to even consider it. Did you explain all of your reasons to your mom as clearly as you did to us? And if you haven't talked with your sister-in-law, you really need to. Because if the both of you can go to your mom and tell her no, that will have a lot more ooumph. If your mom thinks that throwing a joint shower will be easier than throwing 2 seperate showers, you need to explain to her why it won't be. Start with the guest list problem. That you'd need additional showers or that there would be twice as many people in the same space at once, half of whom have no relation to the other half, creating and awkward and confusing feeling. Also play into the idea that both you and your s-i-l deserve your own time. If you can make it sound more like you're concerned about her than you are about yourself, that may help avoid that "bratty" thing you want to avoid (which I still don't think you should be worried about). Maybe you could select your favorite responces from TK (that are gentle and don't bash mom), and then she can see how many other people think this is not a good idea? That should be your last resort though I think. I think your best bet though is to really get your s-i-l involved in convincing your mom though.

mcven528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:e608918e-fd6e-48c0-ba52-3bea6b7f37b8Post:be00dbd6-f08e-4b5f-bec2-642322ecc512">Re: Bridal Shower Drama!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're overreacting. You all deserve your own time - for friends and family to celebrate you and your FI separately from your bro and his wife. It would be different if you and your FI were having a baby as well, then the combined showers would make more sense. Just because you're family doesn't mean you should share celebrations. I would want my own day, too!! And my own family and friends, honestly. Did your mom give reasoning as to why she wants to combine them? Is she just trying to put them together to make it easier for other people? Like fewer weekends to travel? How do your brother and SIL feel? Has your mom pitched the idea to them? Hopefully they disagree as well and can help you convince your mom that it isn't the ideal way to handle the two celebrations. Would your mom be the one hosting the shower/s?
Posted by mabapunta[/QUOTE]

She just didn't want to have my aunts have to put on two showers within a month of each other... But we don't really know if my aunts are going to put on their shower. She is just assuming it. And not I don't think she talked to them about yet.

mcven528

In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Drama!!!!!:
 Oh, for my shower, I know it will be in Feburary (2 months before our wedding). Not sure when you are planning yours for, but if you say your SIL is due in March I would think she would want a shower where she is not 8 months pregnant because that baby could come at any time!!
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

My shower is going to be the second weekend of Feb. I would think theirs would need to be in Jan at the latest

mcven528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_bridal-shower-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:e608918e-fd6e-48c0-ba52-3bea6b7f37b8Post:251d5a71-181e-4d93-b9a9-b96a1391e982">Re: Bridal Shower Drama!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Nope not overreacting at all. Is it a money issue for mom? A long distance travel issue for some guests? I'd enlist the help of your brother and SIL and insist on separate showers with a few months between them and offer to help with SIL's shower if that's a concern. You and baby both deserve special separate attention.
Posted by Spunky414[/QUOTE]

It is none of that... Not sure what her problem is! Well I do no she doesn't want my aunts to have to put on two showers, but we don't even know if they are going to put the baby shower on... so who knows...