Addressing Invitations

vk2204

I received an STD in the mail last week. It was sent to my parents house, addressed to FI lastname and VK last name. I didn't think anything of it because FI and I have been together for so long that I didn't find it odd his name was first.

Well another friend received her STD to her parents house addressed BF and FRIEND. They've barely been dating 6 months and she found it odd that it was labeled with his name first - especially because her BF is only invited as her guest.

She asked me if that was correct and honestly, I am not sure how that works. Is the guys name ALWAYS first no matter what? If I am inviting my girlfriend and she has a SO when invitations go out, who gets listed first on the envelope? And does it matter if they live together or not? TIA

kvsingleton86

I am not sure if it is correct either. However, my mama told me that the man's name always goes first if they live together. Me personally if I am closer to Jane Doe than John Smith I am going to list Jane Doe first. Needless to say my mama had a fit over that. 

vk2204

That is what I was planning on doing as well. But then I wasn't sure about those who don't live together and didn't know what is the 'proper' thing to do.

Oh, Here is another question. I asked M to be a bm, she is one of my very best friends. She started dating A a few months ago. They were both on our list separately when we made a rough draft, but since they are dating who should it get sent to?

Cryssteen

If anyone cares enought to have an opinion of how I'd addressed my invites... i don't wanna hear about it, honestly..

[Deleted User]

Vk-I think technically for M and A, they're supposed to get their own invitations if they live separately.  That being said, I did not do that for my friends in similiar situations because I wanted to save time, money and materials and I knew the people receiving the STD or invite would think I was crazy for sending two, anyway.  I just sent it to the person I was closest to, listed their name first and then the other person's name.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_addressing-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:fcd6d725-514a-4392-852c-fb34333a7f37Post:d43a975c-9119-436f-be7d-11b8d8e72aac">Re: Addressing Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Vk-I think technically for M and A, they're supposed to get their own invitations if they live separately.  That being said, I did not do that for my friends in similiar situations because I wanted to save time, money and materials and I knew the people receiving the STD or invite would think I was crazy for sending two, anyway.  I just sent it to the person I was closest to, listed their name first and then the other person's name.
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

M told me just to send one to A, because she was in the wedding and would know what was going on. But I am inviting M's parents as well, so I will just send her one too lol

Thank you!

gooseberry234

To me it makes sense for couples that are not living together whoever's address you are sending it to goes first on the invitation.  For example if your friend has a boyfriend that she has been with for several months and you know he is going to be her date, you would send it to her address with her name & his name.  To me that implies that her boyfriend is coming as her guest (you know, in case something blows up in the relationship).  Plus to me it is very weird to get mail that is addressed to someone who doesn't live at the address and listing the SO name first implies that.

If both parties in the couple are friends that you would invite seperately (and you are not trying to save time/cost/ect) you can send individual invites (there are one or two on our list that I am doing that with).

I don't know what the actual etiqutte is, but that makes sense to me.

tiny speck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_addressing-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:fcd6d725-514a-4392-852c-fb34333a7f37Post:a2c9c4d8-bf79-435d-a8a9-66ff684edded">Re: Addressing Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]To me it makes sense for couples that are not living together whoever's address you are sending it to goes first on the invitation.  For example if your friend has a boyfriend that she has been with for several months and you know he is going to be her date, you would <strong>send it to her address with her name & his name.  To me that implies that her boyfriend is coming as her guest (you know, in case something blows up in the relationship).  Plus to me it is very weird to get mail that is addressed to someone who doesn't live at the address and listing the SO name first implies that. If both parties in the couple are friends that you would invite seperately (and you are not trying to save time/cost/ect) you can send individual invites (there are one or two on our list that I am doing that with).</strong> I don't know what the actual etiqutte is, but that makes sense to me.
Posted by gooseberry234[/QUOTE]

This is how we're doing ours, and it makes the most sense to me as well. It just doesn't make sense to me to address it to my friend's date if I don't even know him and he's just my guest's guest, you know what I mean?

vk2204

Thanks, ladies!

I will just continue to do it as I had planned!!

[Deleted User]

I got into a similar conundrum with a few married couples I know where the woman has not taken the man's name. I was told that when last names differ, it's traditional to put the woman's name first. Here's what I found in my extensive online research--I hope I addressed my envelopes right, but if not--the only people that will notice are likely the older, married women who have taken their husband's last name and won't receive a wrongly addressed one anyway.

If the couple does not live together, either send them separate invitations addressed to them individually, or send an invitation to the one you know best only addressed to them. On the interior envelope, you would add their SO's name. If there is no interior envelope, then you'll have to address the SO on the outside of the envelope... Personally I would break the rules and put the person whom the address belongs to first, then split the line as in an unmarried couple and put the other guests name on the second line.

EXTERIOR:

Informally (women's name always first):

Sally and Jim Smith

Formally:

Mr. & Mrs. James Smith

OR

Mrs. Sally Jones & Mr. James Smith

For unmarried couples living together, I put the names on separate lines:

Ms. Sally Jones

& Mr. James Smith

Apparently, it is UBER important to not split the names across lines if the couple is married--it's considered an insult, since splitting the name indicates that the couple is NOT married. And I have two married couples where the woman kept her name, and both husband and wife have very long last names-- these caused a problem with my formatting!

INTERIOR:

Informal (I went with informal):

Sally, James, Susan & Michael

The women's name always comes first, followed by the man's, then children in descending order of age.

Formal:

Pretty much how you did it above...

Note that you can also address outer envelopes to an entire family, but that indicates that the entire family is invited to the wedding:

The Smith Family

OR

Mr. James Smith & Family

Etc.

vk2204

von- you are awesome! Thanks!