family ceremony?

futuremrsmurphey

Has anyone been to a wedding with a family ceremony? My fiance is actually adopting my daughter and we have thought about having a family ceremony where she has vows to us and we have vows to her.

This would occur after our traditional vows.

Did you find this weird if you have attended a wedding like that?

tiny speck

I think including children in the vows is inappropriate. I get that it's important that your FI is actually adopting your child, but the child isn't a part of the marriage, which is what the marriage ceremony and vows are for.

I've not attended a wedding including anything like that, and I'm pretty sure I would find it uncomfortable if I ever did. The wedding and vows are about becoming husband and wife, nothing else.

I think it would be much better to have a separate ceremony or party in honor of the adoption, if you want to recognize it in that way. I'm also curious to know how old your daughter is.

dandelionsgirl

I am in the same boat.  FI is adopting DD after we get married.  We plan on having an adoption party and doing something then.  As wonderful as it is that our FI's are adopting our children the marriage is just between FI and myself.  That being said FI did say that he wants a dance with DD at the reception.

redjellybean128

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago and right after the ring exchange they incorporated the bride's daughter by having the groom give her a locket necklace. I thought that was cute. 

ChiGirl2013

You should do what YOU want to do, and don't worry about what other people think.  The people who are there are the people who know you best, and love you most.  They understand your family dynamic and none of them should EVER condemn you for including your daughter in anything.  While yes, marriage joins a man and a woman, it is also the beginning of an entirely new family unit - of which your daughter is also a part.

I would not make a HUGE deal of it because you don't want to overshadow the real celebration of the day, but I would be 100% supportive if I attended a wedding that included a small aspect that also indicated that a new FAMILY is being created that day as well.  If people don't like it, they're free to stand up and walk out.  Anyone who isn't in support of your ENTIRE family shouldn't be there anyway.

dandelionsgirl

In Response to Re:family ceremony?:[QUOTE]You should do what YOU want to do, and don't worry about what other people think.nbsp; The people who are there are the people who know you best, and love you most.nbsp; They understand your family dynamic and none of them should EVER condemn you for including your daughter in anything.nbsp; While yes, marriage joins a man and a woman, it is also the beginning of an entirely new family unit of which your daughter is also a part.I would not make a HUGE deal of it because you don't want to overshadow the real celebration of the day, but I would be 100 supportive if I attended a wedding that included a small aspect that also indicated that a new FAMILY is being created that day as well.nbsp; If people don't like it, they're free to stand up and walk out.nbsp; Anyone who isn't in support of your ENTIRE family shouldn't be there anyway. Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

Exactly this! I wish there was a like button!

ChiGirl2013

Awww, thanks.  *blushing*  I've often wished I could "like" posts here as well.  lol

I forgot to answer the other part of the question.  Dd is going to be our flower girl.  She is FI's daughter, so it's a little different than your situation.  Her only job will be as a flower girl, but I have asked our officiant to work in a line or 2 somewhere about how our marriage closes the circle and completes our family. 

I like the idea of an adoption party, where your daughter can be the star.  I've actually attended 2 adoption parties and the kids felt SO special to have a day where everyone celebrates them and their new family.

I've also seen a wedding where the groom gave the bride's 2 daughters (not his daughters) lockets and then he held their hands and vowed to love them as if they were his own children.  It was short and very, very sweet.  Lots of happy tears and everyone remarked about how much they loved that the girls were included.

tiny speck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_family-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:fce646ba-5e3a-478f-81af-b5014a3a2ad0Post:74efc33a-b889-4f21-b8a1-5e76a93c4d2d">Re: family ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Awww, thanks.  *blushing*  I've often wished I could "like" posts here as well.  lol I forgot to answer the other part of the question.  Dd is going to be our flower girl.  She is FI's daughter, so it's a little different than your situation.  Her only job will be as a flower girl, but <strong>I have asked our officiant to work in a line or 2 somewhere about how our marriage closes the circle and completes our family</strong>.  I like the idea of an adoption party, where your daughter can be the star.  I've actually attended 2 adoption parties and the kids felt SO special to have a day where everyone celebrates them and their new family. I've also seen a wedding where the groom gave the bride's 2 daughters (not his daughters) lockets and then he held their hands and vowed to love them as if they were his own children.  It was short and very, very sweet.  Lots of happy tears and everyone remarked about how much they loved that the girls were included.
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

See, I have no problem with something like this that I've bolded; I think that's a nice way to acknowledge that, yes your marriage makes a new family. It's the vows that should be just for husband and wife.

(As an aside I don't think it would even be possible to include children in vows in some countries: in the UK where we're getting married for example, they are very very strict about what you can include in your ceremony. I know all kinds of things are possible in America, it's just something else to consider.)

futuremrsmurphey

We have decided to have this

We will do special vows to my daughter and then my fiance will turn and give my daughter a locket of some sort. So she wont be put on the spot.

thanks for the input ladies!

shipsinthenight

I've seen a few family oriented ceremonies on various wedding TV shows. Usually the parents make the vows to the kids, but the kids don't make them back. I think it would be wierd if the kids were making them back, especially with young kids. But something about how you'll both love her and support her through out her life is fine. And then the parents or the new parent usually presents a gift (neclaces are normal, although I have heard of rings with older, teenaged children).

I dissagree that a marriage is not about the children. To me a marriage is about a family.It's about the joining of two sets of parents' children; it's like you're grafting two trees together to make a new one. Your inlaws and your parents can have an affect on your marriage, so it's important to remember that. Then there's the new familiy you're creating. It can be a family of two or more, with children who all have the same parents or don't. It can be about a family that is just getting started, like fi and I who have no kids, but deffinitly want them reletively soon. It's important, especially in blended families, for children to know they are included, loved, and that their new step-parent wants to be involved in their lives, not taking their existing parent away from them.