Wedding Budget Blues

holly25mell

My FI wants to sit down and look at the wedding budget again (sigh...).  We never really went over it in the first place (he really wasn't interested in how much flowers cost), and now he thinks I want to spend too much money.  It just makes me upset because I only plan on getting married ONCE, and I want everything to be perfect. (Not to mention I'm the first one in my family (cousins & siblings) to be getting married, so I need to set the bar high!)  I really don't think we're spending THAT much money, and we can afford it, so why not?  I feel like he's stomping all over my dreams.

Oh, and then he throws in, "You're losing sight of what a wedding is actually for".  Way to make me feel guilty, babe...

Has anyone else had to deal with this, or have any helpful tips/tricks?

Jelenny

Well let me say this...I do get where you are coming from but here are other thoughts....

...is it worth going broke or in debt for?

...your fi is kinda right the ceremony and promise is most important gotta look at someone who has a very little budget vs someone with no budget - is one wedding/marriage more valid than the other - nope at the end of the day you are married.

...my bro married someone in your shoes they were trying to be the Jones to have everyone keep up....my budget was less than half of what they spent and more people were excited about my wedding, even my brother came up and said I far out did him (wasn't my intention I wanted people to have fun but I wasn't about to break my bank)

...can you save elsewhere...to help bring budget down?  I did flowerless centerpieces and many of mine were VERY affordable which again helped save on my florist bill

...check out TK budget tool it helps give you an idea.  Did you and your fi come up with a budget first?  I did everything I could to stick in that range, if you didn't set up a budget you might want to do that to help you along the planning path.

Also side note your post is A LOT about you...the one thing I made sure in my planning process is that it was what WE wanted...we compromised on a few things but it turned out well so it wasn't HIS wedding or MY wedding - bottom line we both had ideas/wants for the wedding day and we worked it out together.

holly25mell

He doesn't really care what the wedding is like... as long as I'm happy.  He's just worried about the money.  And it's not anything that we would be going broke, or get in debt for.  I'm looking into flowerless centerpieces (I just like them better!!)  I just think since he's not really involved in the planning (by his choice) he doesn't see how much things cost and then assumes I'm wanting to spend too much.  I'm sure it will all work out in the end... just a road bump :-)

Jelenny

My fi did that when I gave him the florist agreement of $x and then the cost of the centerpieces of $y and he choked....so I had my florist give me an estimate if I had centerpieces for all the tables....he quickly realized.

I did get A LOT of estimates first and let him see the dollar amounts of them and he agreed with my decision on florist which obviously was the least expensive that I felt comfortable with.

HTH

tiffanydaniels

When I first started wedding planning, all I really wanted was something small, simple, mac and cheese and dancing. Well in the last 7 months of planning my wedding has gone so far from my original vision, that I am not even looking forward to it. So my FI and I are trying to decide if a small ceremony and backyard BBQ on a later date would be more our cup of tea, per say. 

We also are running into money issues, so we really cannot afford it. 

But honestly you need to sit down with your FI and talk about what each of you want and what you are willing to spend to get what you want. 

Originally I did not mind cutting back for the next 2 years to have an amazing day, but then I decided that it is really not worth it to us. But if it is worth it to you go for it. Good luck. 

jnkreager

Maybe it might help if you and your FH set an overall budget.  And if he doesn't care about the planning process, from there you can allocate money to different vendors based on what is important for you.  For example, flowers are not that important to me so I skimmed there and put a proportionally larger amount into the entertainment because that is a bigger priority for me.  You can use the knot tool to give you a general budget to work from (5% goes towards the dress or whatever) and you can adjust it from there. 

GApeachOH

"Well let me say this...I do get where you are coming from but here are other thoughts....

...is it worth going broke or in debt for?

...your fi is kinda right the ceremony and promise is most important gotta look at someone who has a very little budget vs someone with no budget - is one wedding/marriage more valid than the other - nope at the end of the day you are married.

...my bro married someone in your shoes they were trying to be the Jones to have everyone keep up....my budget was less than half of what they spent and more people were excited about my wedding, even my brother came up and said I far out did him (wasn't my intention I wanted people to have fun but I wasn't about to break my bank)

...can you save elsewhere...to help bring budget down?  I did flowerless centerpieces and many of mine were VERY affordable which again helped save on my florist bill

...check out TK budget tool it helps give you an idea.  Did you and your fi come up with a budget first?  I did everything I could to stick in that range, if you didn't set up a budget you might want to do that to help you along the planning path.

Also side note your post is A LOT about you...the one thing I made sure in my planning process is that it was what WE wanted...we compromised on a few things but it turned out well so it wasn't HIS wedding or MY wedding - bottom line we both had ideas/wants for the wedding day and we worked it out together."

I completely agree.

I don't mean to sound rude, but seriously? You sound a little selfish dear.

FI and I went through the same thing. All it does is stress you out and piss him off.

If you are that concerned about just talking about it then I would say you subconciously are scared to death because you know he is right.

And just because you can afford it doesn't mean you should spend it.

Just because you say he doesn't care and he just wants you happy doesn't actually mean he doesn't care. He does care. But you're getting married to him. It's a wedding. It's one day. It's a celebration. It's not this crap that's on TV that you see all the time. Life doesn't work like the movies.

My advice:

If all you care about is the wedding, reconsider getting married until later on. You should care more about FI and your lives together than your "big day."

[Deleted User]

I completely agree with Jelenny and the others. They pretty much said everything I was going to say.

Just keep the bigger picture in mind when planning and that is that at the end of the day you will be married regardless of what your flowers or cake look like.

Cassandra999

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-columbus_wedding-budget-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:112Discussion:a14a8db0-cf77-4d2e-a11c-143d23b81a39Post:c992318c-22e8-413e-8fe4-afc5b6f90442">Wedding Budget Blues</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI wants to sit down and look at the wedding budget again (sigh...).  We never really went over it in the first place (he really wasn't interested in how much flowers cost), and now he thinks I want to spend too much money.  It just makes me upset because I only plan on getting married ONCE, and I want everything to be perfect. (Not to mention I'm the first one in my family (cousins & siblings) to be getting married, so I need to set the bar high!)  I really don't think we're spending THAT much money, and we can afford it, so why not?  I feel like he's stomping all over my dreams. Oh, and then he throws in, "You're losing sight of what a wedding is actually for".  Way to make me feel guilty, babe... Has anyone else had to deal with this, or have any helpful tips/tricks?
Posted by holly25mell[/QUOTE]

<div>I know how you feel.  We decided on a budget, then when I started getting estimates for everthing FI was shocked.  and we had to increase the budget which he didnt like.</div><div>There are parts of our wedding that I would rather spend more on that FI wouldn't. I don't think we have to agree on every single detail.  LIke he didn't think we needed a 2nd appetizer, I did.  I offered to throw in the extra $600 for it since I wanted it.  Things like that.  I know it may be different for you.  We are handling our finances a little funky.  I am paying for my attire & wedding band, he is paying for his.  I am saving more than our agreed on goal so I can add the extras I want, that he doesn't care about.  I know it may seem weird to some of you but its owrking for us.  FI would rather I do most of the planning, he's just not interested in the details.</div>

teamstac

If you are upset that you feel you are doing the work and he is not believing you on costs and such, document it all.  Sounds like work, but it really helps communicate to him all the work you're doing and helps in making good decisions.  For example, for venues, we came up with a set of criteria, then for the ones that met our criteria, I made a spreadsheet of things about the venue (location, cost, what comes with price, what we would be responsible for, etc.).  We picked our top 5 then visited them and made a decision.  For caterers, we did the same process and are doing tastings with our top 3.  I expect to do the same process for photographer, florist, etc.

The one piece of advice from married couples that I always get is stick to your budget.  And to stick with it, you need to come up with one.  And that might require having a tough conversation with FI in order to jointly come up with one, but in the end it will save you stress and fights like others have mentioned.  A plan is never a bad thing.  And with a budget, you can have a little wiggle room if you save in one area you can put towards another.  But you're guaranteed not to end up thousands of dollars beyond what you agreed to.

He's not trying to stomp on your dreams.  The wedding is a one day celebration that leads to a lifetime of dreams.  Please don't lose sight of that.  Good luck!

AshLW

I completely feel you on this.  I am just starting to buckle down in my wedding planning (getting married June 9, 2012).  I, too, have this vision - I am only getting married once and I want this day to be perfect.  I won't have the chance to ever recreate this.  I would find myself getting upset and stressing over the smallest things.  It took a parent of one of my friends to kind of set me straight - she said "In the end, people aren't going to remember your flowers or your colors or the decorations.  They are gonna remember the food, the drinks, and if they had a good time."  That was good advice for me to stop stressing over the small details.