Bridesmaid Drama

carolemb

Okay, ladies. I really need your support and advice on this one.

I had my engagement party last night and it was wonderful. All my bridesmaids were there, one whom I don't get to see very often because she lives out of state.

So, toward the end of the party that BM kept asking my groom and I to go out to a bar with her as soon as the party was over. My feet hurt (but my shoes were fantastic, lol) and he was tired from standing all night. We're in our 30's and 40's so we don't have the stanima we had in our 20's. Plus, I wanted to help my Mom and hostesses clean up a bit.

My older sister, also one of my bridesmaids, is a recovering alcoholic. This same BM asked my sister to "go somewhere" with her after the party. I called the BM over and said, "Please don't take my alcoholic sister to a bar." She said okay, but I realized that my sister overheard and got really angry acting.
I woke up this morning and on my face book page is a picture of them drinking at a bar. Posted at midnight last night. 

I realize that these are two adults and that I was wrong to say anything at the party but I'm scared to death that my sister will get into binge drinking. Being that they are both BM's and the wedding is in the French Qtr, I'm terrified.

I will call my sister and apologize for saying anything. It wasn't my place. And tell her how much I love her. But how should I approach the BM who seems to value drinking above everything else, including my feelings. She's been my friend since I was 4 years old and I was in her wedding. I just didn't know she'd become such a bar fly (which is fine but not always appropriate). 

 My feelings are so hurt. I can't hold back the tears when I think about the past with my sister's drinking. She's been in the ER several times and even had to be brought back when her heart stopped from alcohol poisoning.

I don't know how to handle this.

MsAwesome

Not to be mean, I know your feelings are hurt, but your sister is a grown up.  She's an adult.  She makes her own decisions.  I know you said you went through a lot with her drinking and drama, but you should probably butt out and let her make her own decisions.  Like I said, she's an adult.  I, too, would probabaly be annoyed with my BM for rounding up my alcoholic sister and bringing her to a bar, but again, your sister is an adult.  She can make her own decisions and will have to deal with the consequences. You should definitely appologize to your sister if she overheard what you said--you probabaly hurt her feelings, but tell her that you love her and are just concerned. Set boundaries in your relationships with these people and don't let their shitty actions affect you.  I would probably tell BM that I was slightly annoyed with her actions from that night and then I'd move forward.

carolemb

Thanks for the advice. I'll do that. Helped to get it out what i was feeling on this board.

MsAwesome

People do shitty things.. especially during the wedding planning process....  People show their true colors and unfortunately it's not always pretty... Venting will definitely make you feel better about a crappy situation......  Hope you feel better soon, can move forward with your planning and have a fabulous wedding day

carolemb

Thanks!
 I talked to my sister and everything's fine now. I'll try not let things get to me like that again. I probably over reacted. It just used to be so hard with my sister being sick and she's so much better now. I feel like I finally got her back and I want to protect that with everything I have. I love her so much.
Letting it go now and moving on. whew!