Louisiana-New Orleans

BRIDESMAIDS BEHAVING BADLY....

I want to know if I am crazy or are my bridesmaids being a little bratty? I was always under the impression that it was the bridesmaids responsibility to host, plan and pay for the bridal shower. I have 7 bridesmaids and 2 moh's. My two MOH's began planning my bridal shower almost 8 months ago and they contacted the other bridesmaids to let them know the ideas that they had and the potential costs involved. The only person that voiced an opinion was my brothers wife. She said that she wasn't paying anything because it is the maid of honors job to pay for everything. Since then neither she nor any of my other bm's except for one have paid a penny, leaving my MOH's and one bridesmaid to shoulder this cost all by themselves. This is all recent news to me as my moH's didn't want to involve me in any of this but through certain other events I found out these details and needless to say I am very disappointed in my BM's. I feel as though, they should've voiced any concerns 8 months ago when they were first approached and not have waited to give my MOH's the shaft. Or I they couldn't give the amount asked of them, they should've at least contributed something. I am especially disappointed in my sister in law for not stepping up to the plate at all seeing as though she is family! Anytime I was a bM in a wedding I always contributed to the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party and I believed that this was standard practice. Curious to know what other brides think?

Re: BRIDESMAIDS BEHAVING BADLY....

  • Showers and bachelorette parties are considered gifts. No one is responsible or required to throw them and no I e is entitled to receiving them just because they are getting married. If your BMs can not afford or don't wsnt to contribute, that is their choice. They should have been up front with whoever was planning in the first place though, and it was wrong to get you involved and now stuck in the middle of it.
  • mcahil1mcahil1 member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited October 2012
    I have been in many weddings and yes it is the bridesmaids responsibility to throw and pay for the shower, not just the maid of honors. I think you should have your MOH email or confront them about it and ask what is going in. It isn't right for them to act that way and you shouldn't be bothered by it!!
  • I agree that showers and bachelorettes are a gift and not "required" but they sure are customary and it's not crazy to think your bridesmaids would have contributed however, I would advise against any "confronting" on your part!

    First off, I wish your MOHs had just handled this without telling and stressing you but I suggest you don't get any more involved, to avoid any hurt feelings, or to seem ungracious to your bridesmaids.  If your MOHs are willing to plan and finance your shower, or scale back so they can afford it, I would just be happy with that and not get into a battle with the ones who can't or don't want to contribute financially.  Do you really want to spend your wedding day with girls you have a lot of tension with?  I would just drop it, as disappointing as it may feel right now, rather than confronting people about their finances.  How would that even play out?  I don't picture it going very well or friendly right after the part where you ask them all what's going on and insist that they pay their share.

    Believe me, I sympathize and I know what you're going through.  Right now my biggest wedding planning regret is my bridal party selection (and their never-ending drama!) but in my opinion, there's no friendly way to "confront" people, even less so when the topic of confrontation will be to do you a favor.

  • I would not get involved at all seeing as you don't know all of the particulars about when and how they were approached and what each of their respective responses were (and frankly, you shouldn't know this information).  I have been in similar situations where the organizer is very pushy and goes way overboard in planning and costs with no regard for anyone else's budgets or expectations.  When I was younger, I would have gone along with it and stressed myself financially to pay my part (meaning the amount dictated to me).  Now a days I would have no hesitation in telling someone, I'm sorry, that is not within my budget, or I'm not going to be able to participate in the host group.  Of course, I wouldn't lead someone on and wait until the last minute to tell them this after money has been spent, but I would tell them early on without any hesitation.  My mindset would be I would rather spend my money on a nice gift for my friend's wedding or baby than on a bunch of frilly crap and exspensive decorations that are being pushed on me.  Just my two cents.  My hunch is that something along these lines has occurred since so many (all) of your BMs have bowed out of participating and only your MOH's are left.  I find it hard to believe that all of them indicated they would participate and pay a certain amount, then contributed nothing.

    Regardless, you can't get involved and you should try not to harbor resentment towards your BMs since it is not their obligation or job to throw you a shower (it would be nice, yes) and since you don't know everyone's side of the story (and you shouldn't ask).
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited October 2012
    I have been a bridesmaid 9 times and a MOH 3 times and have seen different scenarios play out. Most bridesmaids know that it is customary for the bridesmaids to help the MOH throw the shower while usually the MOH maintains a leadership position in the planning and sometimes must take on more costs than others. However, one wedding that i was  MOH, only 3 girls out of 9 responded and cooperated in the planning, so myself and the other 2 girls threw the shower and the bride still to this day doesn't know that only 3 of us paid for it all. Sometimes another family member or friend of the family is interested in helping to throw a shower and a couple girls had more than one. In conclusion, i hate that this is happening to you because at the end of the day, you picked these girls because you thought they were the closest girls to you in life. You would hope that they want to see the best wedding shower for you possible because they love you, but you never know if their lack of action is due to apathy or financial problems. So, i think to protect your relationships, i wouldn't jump to conclusions. Just remember, but forgive in the end and try to keep in mind that the most important thing is that you are marrying the love of your life, and that's all the REALLY matters.
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