Ceremony Program Drama

MereFM99

Until this point, luckily for me family issues really haven't been an issue in my wedding planning.  But I've started working on our programs, and have no idea how to appropriately word the parents!  My parents divorced when I was in college, and both are re-married.  I have a good relationship, though not particularly fatherly, with my stepfather and he and my mom are contributing toward wedding expenses.  My dad is walking me down the aisle, but I have zero relationship whatsoever with his wife.  So something like this will not work, b/c I really don't want to refer to his wife as a "parent of the bride":Parents of the Bride:         Mom and Husband DoeDad and Wife SmithHowever I've also read that it's bad etiquette to refer to anyone as a step-parent.  And I don't want to offend my mom/stepfather by leaving him off of the program.  Any suggestions?

tidetravel

Whether you like your dad's wife or not, she is his wife, and is your "parent." Ask yourself, is this issue really something that you want to cause drama about? Suck it up and put her friggin name on the program, or risk insulting your dad at your wedding.

MereFM99

Suck it up??  Thanks for such constructive advice.  Guess I'm on my own for this one! 

tidetravel

So you would rather insult your father by purposely excluding his wife? At the end of the day, is it really worth it to create unnecessary drama? It's a piece of paper.

MereFM99

I didn't specify in the original post that my dad and I don't have a close relationship.  He was surprised that I even asked him to walk me down the aisle.  My mom would be more offended by a reference to his wife as a parent, than my dad would be if I completely left his wife's name off of the program (although I don't necessarily want to do that).  Since I have a much closer relationship with my mom, and since she is footing some of the bill (my dad is not), I definitely don't want to offend her.  From the lack of replies I guess I'm not the only one who can't figure it out!  It is just a program, but I want to make sure I am P-C about it.

MereFM99

Do I really even need to include parents' names in the program?  Is that the norm, or is it OK to only list attendants?  Maybe that's an option...

tidetravel

I don't really have an answer for you other than you don't have to even have a program.  It makes more sense now that you have elaborated a little more.  Post this on P&E and you may get some other suggestions - its a much more active board.  Or, I can post it over there, if you don't want to (some people don't like the bluntness of that board)

MereFM99

I didn't even think about that, I'll try that board on Monday, thanks!

lsgarver

I disagree that his wife is her parent.  Any woman who marries a man with a college-aged daughter has/had no role in parenting her.That said, I think you have to refer to her under the larger heading of "Parents of the Bride" just because there's no other succinct way of doing it.  I mean, you could just do "Mother of the Bride" and "Father of the Bride" but that's an implied insult to both steps.In our case, DH sucked it up and wrote "Parents of the Groom" because it was easier.  I get that you don't like her and don't want to honor her but I think this falls under the same category as "I hate my friend's husband, can I not invite him?"  You just can't do that and still be a gracious bride.