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Moving in jitters!!

ms.j'09bridems.j'09bride
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in Maryland-Baltimore
FI and I will be closing on our first place in a few days:) and Im starting to get a little nervous about moving in together. Im excited-of course!- but Im so use to having things the way I like it. I admit that I have OCD-like tendencies!!Any advice/stories on moving in with FI/DH?!?!
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Re: Moving in jitters!!

  • smange10.10smange10.10
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    edited December 2011
    It's funny you ask this...FI and I just talked about when we first moved in together.  We've been living together for about 2.5 years now.  It was definitely an adjustment at first but since we were so comfortable with each other, nothing seemed too difficult.  A friend of mine did tell me that she noticed a change in our behavior for about a month or two when we first started living together.  We would get into stupid little arguments a lot more often.  I never even noticed until she brought it up (months and months later)...I guess that comes with the territory. It's definitely a learning experience.  I have OCD-like tendencies too.  My advice on that...let it all hang out.  If you start trying to hide something or change who you are, it can come back to bite you in the a$$. 
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  • Mella&TMella&T member
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    edited December 2011
    Compromise is key! Definitely voice your opinions and feelings but also learn to pick your battles. Example: DH kept his socks in a big shopping bag when I first met him. The bag came with him to our first place together. I HATED it but he wouldn't budge on getting rid of it...he liked it that way. Caused a few minor arguments but I learned to let it go. The bag is still in his closet at our house and while it irks me every time I see it, I have to understand that it's not just about what I want. I am a neat freak and while he's very clean also he's not crazy like me. I just learned to appreciate everything he does do and then just take care of the rest. It takes a little getting used to, but it's wonderful!
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  • alexandramezzoalexandramezzo member
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    edited December 2011
    I moved in my FI (then BF) 8/07.  I got this book that really helped called Living in Sin Without Getting Burned by Stacey & Wynn Whitman.  It gave me inisght on a lot of issues that FI and should talk about at the beginning of living together.  It's also a cute book that's funny.  :)
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  • SarahKate31SarahKate31
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    edited December 2011
    Talk a lot about what's going on. Make sure you both agree on who's responsible for what around the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). It's an adjustment and you'll both have to compromise a bit. GL!
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  • alexandramezzoalexandramezzo member
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    edited December 2011
    Whoa, holy typos Batman...
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  • mandyjuliemandyjulie
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    edited December 2011
    It was the hardest thing for me, but FI was fine. What was really rough was getting used to him being around ALL the time. Very different from spending the nights with each other. There's no escape!However, you will get used to it. For me it took a couple months to feel totally normal about it. Now it's been three years and I can't imagine anything different. The last time he went on a business trip I freaked out because I felt so weird there without him! Oh how the tables turned.Take everyone's advice here and you'll be fine. Communication is key!
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  • smange10.10smange10.10
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, I totally second MandyJulie!  It's definitely an adjustment having him around ALL of the time.  I love it now, but all of the ME time, is definitely few and far between.  I know it was tough for him at first too.  He wasn't used to living with a) a girl and b) a 'roommate'.  And, like everyone said, communication is key.  Talk about everything - even if it's something that you think is stupid - it could snowball and snowball and it's totally not worth it.
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  • SarahKate31SarahKate31
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    edited December 2011
    When I loved in with DH, I moved in on a Monday. That Friday, I had surgery and spent the entire next week (all day everyday) on the couch recovering. Talk about just jumping right into the togetherness!! But really for us, the adjustment was almost nothing. I mean we both like our alone time sometimes and so often DH would go up to the office and do whatever and I'd be in the living room doing whatever. We never felt like the other person was crowding our space. I guess because we both had similar habits beforehand. But its different for every couple. I definitely agree with Andrea - let it all hang out. Get things out in the open!
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  • ms.j'09bridems.j'09bride
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls:)!!! I will def check out the book! I dont know why but Im nervous to let him see what I "really" look like in the morning!!! We've spent the night together before/vacation but I dont think I can keep up that carade(sp?)!!
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  • JVeauxJVeaux
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    edited December 2011
    Our biggest issue was with the house work.  Neither of us are anal cleaners but can't stand living in a messy house, so we would constantly argue about whose "job" it was to do stuff.  It takes awhile but finally you just get to the point where you're like "is putting the clean laundry away worth a huge battle?" Now every morning (or every other) we write a list of a few tasks, we each have to complete some of them before the day is over - sounds childish but it works for us slackers :)Also, I am anal about finances - make sure you sit down and have a detailed discussion of who is contributing what and who pays for what. And then if your financial situation changes (raises, change jobs, etc.) you re-discuss in detail!  And not everything has to be 50/50, if one person makes more money, maybe they could take on an extra bill or a larger %, so the other person doesn't feel strapped.
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  • JVeauxJVeaux
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    edited December 2011
    I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find out that he will probably like you better first thing in the morning!! No worries about that!!
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  • SarahKate31SarahKate31
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    edited December 2011
    ms.j - I used to have the same exact nervousness about first thing in the morning. I was just thinking the other day when I had rolled out of bed about 2 minutes earlier and my hair was a hot mess and I was still all bleary eyed and DH walked in and was already up and dressed for work - wow this doesn't even phase me anymore and I'm so glad :)Another good book to read is 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. It has a lot of good questions and things to think about when you are meshing your lifestyles.
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  • JVeauxJVeaux
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    edited December 2011
    SK - your post reminded me of a funny thing my FI does...If I wake up with my hair a hot mess sticking out everywhere, he calls me tina turner and starts singing "what's love got to do, got to do with it" ...cause in the video her hair is a big poof...these are the odd things we come up with when co-habitating :)
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  • meghann1046meghann1046
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    edited December 2011
    It was definitely an adjustment for us. We didn't live together before we got married even though we had been together for 7 years. It is definitely about compromise and it takes time to learn each other's quirks. For example, DH cannot leave the house if there are dishes in the sink. Even if it is just one glass. I hated the fact he would throw his dirty clothes on the floor NEXT TO the laundry basket. Our biggest problem was the bathroom. He had soap, toothpaste, and a toothbrush. That's it. I have all my girly products that take up a lot of space. He gave me two shelves and he took one. I think he has just resigned himself to the fact that I can't get rid of any of it.
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  • meghann1046meghann1046
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    edited December 2011
    He loves you for you and he will still think you look beautiful when you are a hot mess. He might tease you but he will be happy waking up with you every morning. My hair also gets huge during the night. DH says he loves the fact "I went out and got my hair did for him" haha
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  • SarahKate31SarahKate31
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    edited December 2011
    Meghann - My DH has 2 laundry hampers. They are right next to MY closet and they are empty. And in front of those hampers - you guessed it - a mountain of DH's clothes!! I try not to let it bother me too much because I leave clothes on the floor too, but when I am tripping over his clothes in order to get to mine, grr. One day I will scoop them up and throw them at his closet door!
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  • meghann1046meghann1046
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    edited December 2011
    Glad to know I am not alone. I am far from the neatest person in the world and I definitely have some lazy tendencies... but to put it in front of the basket!? Drives me nuts.
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  • FieryIrishAngelFieryIrishAngel member
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    edited December 2011
    While I agree with what the other girls have said about letting it all hang out and being honest when things bug you, communicating, etc., I will say... be prepared to compromise and pick your battles.  I am an OCD freak and my husband is not.  I can't nag him to hang the towels straight or line up the cans in the pantry precisely just because that's what I would prefer.  I can't have unrealistic expectations for him.  Rinsing out his dishes and helping out with housework?  Totally acceptable.  Just be careful where you draw that line.
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