Vent - Guests inviting themselves-long

aaearls

Sorry ladies, but I need to vent a little. We are 9 days out from the wedding. We just paid the caterer and gave them the final head count on Tuesday. Today, when I called FI at lunch, he goes we have 3 more people coming to the wedding. I was like what? His one aunt's daughter, bf, and kid are coming to the wedding. They didn't get an invite because we really didn't think they would come up from West Virginia becuase of distance, money, and they don't come up to MD alot. So they just invited themselves without evening calling FI's mother and asking if it was okay. They apparently are were just going to show up. WHAT???? So I called FI's mom and she told me, since she didn't know I talked to FI. She's like they are family, I can't tell them no, they can't come. I'm like as much as I'd like to say that, it's the principle. You don't invite yourself to a wedding. FI's mom said, well she's never planned a big wedding like you are doing so she doesn't know what all it entails. That's besides the point! It's common sense, you don't invite yourself to an event you didn't get invited to. I've called Dean and Brown to see what they say, since the balance is paid and all. I know this happens, I know there will be extra food, and all, but it's the principle of all of this. Sorry, I just needed to vent. Has this happened to anyone else and if so, what has the caterer done? Thanks for letting me vent.

ffmaid

I would ask FI if he wants these folks there first. If yes they can come if no then he shoudl call them and tell them no. Seriously rude of them

mmulcahy

It is VERY rude, I dont understand ppl. I had a friend invite her own guest and then throw a FIT when I kind of hinted that I didnt want her to have a guest, until I gave in and let her bring one... My wedding is the same day as yours, I submitted everything to the caterer and THAT night she txt me and said she couldnt stand that guy anymore and didnt have time to find someone else so she was just going to come alone...so he was paid for AND not coming. RUDE RUDE RUDE.....

Rvnsgrl81

People really are just plain rude! We have already had someone call us SEVERAL times asking if he could bring a guest. Um what does your invite say and guest? No then the answer is no. He is a mutual friend of both FI and I and FI has told him three times sorry but we are already over our limit for the reception space and noone got a guest unless they were married and yada yada. Hasn't stopped him from calling at least once a week and asking! He even asks well if you have any no's can I bring a guest....SERIOUSLY???? Any no's are a welcome relief right now and just helping to get our count to where it needs to be! Oh yeah and did I mention he isn't dating anyone either.......... I just do not get people and do not understand how they were raised to be so freaking rude! I would ask your FI like someone else said and see if he really wants them there or not. If not then have his mom call and tell them sorry there isn't enough space, etc. GL!

ajerome21

mmulcahy - similar situation: an engaged coworker just went to a wedding and he was telling me that he was talking to the bride and groom and they said they had a couple of guest invite their own guest.  They just wrote their guest names on the rsvp cards and mailed them back.  The bride and groom called them and was polite and just said that the invite was just for them but you are more than welcome to bring a guest, however, you or your guest will have to pay for their plate.  LOL!!! He said that one guest did bring a date and the date didn't have a problem paying.  The bride and groom was warning my coworker of this bc he is planning a wedding.Apparently, this happens a lot!   I would have just said the invite is for you only.  lol.  They probably thought no one would actually pay to come. did you invite anyone w/out a guest? If so, you could now allow one of your guest to bring a guest/date.  aaearls - I would mad as well.  It's obvious that people who do this have never planned a formal or catered event!  It's okay to vent, your wedding is too close to be stressing over this! Everything will work out! Congrats to you both!!!!

Nicremy Moonderson

as pp have said...RUDE!!!I haven't had such a dilemma as yours (yet..and I hope I won't!!), but I HAVE had a few people who were invited as singles, add a plus one on their rsvp card. one of those people was unexpected to have added someone considering she's not in a relationship with anyone and will know many other people going to the wedding.  I haven't said anything to her yet and was considering just letting it slide.  But the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.  your guest has a lot of b@lls to flat out invite herself plus her 2 other people.  I'd have some choice words!

keer38

Can you say you already gave the final headcount to the caterer, so you can't add any more people???  That is terrible of them!  People are clueless.  If your FI doesn't care if they are there, then I would try to go the caterer route-- say they can't change the final head count.

rands09

Agree with all...whether it's rudeness or cluelessness, it doesn't matter. The end result is the same - you don't invite yourself or anyone else to someone else's party. This has always been a serious pet peeve of mine, and I feel this way: no invite, no come - period. I have no plans to budge from this stance. I think if more people were turned away, they would think twice about doing it again in the future...

JVeaux

People will never learn will they?.... I am sure D&B will take care of it, we had some rearranging going on at mine at the start of the reception and they were totally cool about it. You've called them so I think you've got it under control. The more the merrier right? Now all you have to do is enjoy...in 9 days! Yay!

alexandramezzo

ugh, i'm sorry that you have to deal with this.  people are so rude.

aaearls

Thanks ladies for understanding all of this. ajerome21 and mmulcahy - we actually had a similar situtation. We sent the invites out and say my FSIL the next day and she said on of FI's cousins gf's is writing her daughters name on the response card and she is coming. I just played it off because we were out. But it was honestly a mistake, we would have included her but FI's mom forgot about her and so did I. I've only met her like 2 times. But I asked Fi's mom like 4 times, is there anyone esle...no. So it was handled, not in the best way but still....gurrr! It seems like FI's mother doesn't see this as so much of a problem because she's like I can't tell them no they can't come that'd just crush them. And they are family. Uhh...they invited themselves and were just going to show up! The only reason we found out is FI's mom called her sister (the aunt) and asked her how to spell her husband's/bf whatever he is (a whole nother long story in itself) last name. And the aunt then proceeds to tell FI's mom that her daughter, bf and kid are coming. I'm like you weren't even going to call??? Really really rude. And when I told her the balance was paid and the final head count was given to the caterer she didn't seem to care. She's like there's always room for more in our family. I almost wanted to say but bit my tounge....this is my day, I know your son's the groom and it's his day too but come on! And let's not forget when she came to FI's brothers wedding she showed up in white...Really.... FI's kinda on both sides of the fence. He's mad about it too but he's like they are family. I said that's besides the point. It's down right rude! I don't think he'll say anything either to his mom. I talked to my dad about it, and he said wait and see what D&B says and bite the bullet and we'll pay for the people. He agrees it's rude but he also made the point, you don't want to start a wedding with both families against each other. Which he makes a valid and true point but it's the principle. Gurr!! We're not over on what we budgeted for for the head count and the 3 extra people won't put us over but still! Again, thanks for letting me vent and that you understand my anger/frustration and sorry this is so long. It just really really irks me. I just can't believe how ignorant some people can be. Now I have to re-work the seating chart....ugh! Now I'm just waiting to see what D&B says.

kellygrochmal

Its kind of sad how much this happens, because in a way you have to figure that people are just rude or dumb. we had that problem as well well with the write in's. When we sent out invitations, we put in a little card that read "Adult only reception to follow". Now that MAY sound tacky to some, but unfortuantley I have a few relatives that like to bring their children to functions and not keep an eye on them. Anyway, Fiances uncle has 4 kids and wrote them in on the card. UMMMM no. So fiance called and politely explained that this reception is adult only, but not only that, we PHYSICALLY cant fit anymore people. Our venue hold 200 and we invited around 216. Not only that, but then we had Fiancees mother and grandmother (uncles sister and mom) call and ask why they werent invited. Again, we politely explained why. Their reply was "well they ARE family so make it work". From there on out, we took on the philosophy of "dont like it? then dont come."this is why I'm not looking forward to in-laws

aaearls

Kellygrochmal - it's unbelievable how selfish people can be and how they can't read. It always like this always happens with weddings more than anything else. I just don't understand people. Hopefully things will go smoothly the rest of the time for you. Not too much longer!