Stressing - Way over on the guest list.

ajerome21

When we first started planning the wedding we wanted something very small (immediate family with a few close family members and friends).  This would have been about 50 guests.  We decided to invite a few more making it about 100 guests.  The max for our venue is 125.  Last night I decided to finalize the guest list so we could send out our save the dates and we are about 150+ guests.There are a few people that I have in mind to cut from the list but they already think that they are invited to the wedding so I really don't know what to do.  How would you tell someone that they're not inviting to the wedding when they think they are? Also, I am sure that some people on the guest list are not going to come.  There are about 20 that are if-ey.  I am wondering if I should invite a little over 125 because I am assuming some will respond no when I send my rsvp's.  Did anyone else invite over their limit? If yes, how many guests over?

SarahKate31

I wouldn't invite more than 125 guests since your venue can only hold that many. Sure, you will most likely get some declines and you might come in under your limit, but you can't bank on it. If you invite 150 and 140 say they will come, you will be screwed!Honestly, I'd try to cut it to 100-120. If your venue's "max" is 125, that probably means they can pack in that many, but it'd be more comfortable with a few less than the absolute max.Anyway, that's JMO! GL!

conchgirl

i agree, what if those "if-ey" all come?! Def. only invite as many as your venue allows, and use that as a explanation to friends who don't get an invite. When you start  getting rsvp's from people saying they cant make it ask people who didnt make the first cut!

JVeaux

I agree with SK - if you're at the venue's max, it may feel slightly packed.  And yes, it's likely that you will get some 'no' rsvp, but there's no way to predict how many.  Also, I know for me, the guest list changed again after I sent out the STDs (we went conservative on sending them out). So, if you send out too many to begin with, and then your guest list climbs again for some reason you could be in some real trouble.

SweetCFly

I have seen people post about how a lot of the people they thought would say "yes" said no, and a lot of the people they thought would say "no" said yes.  So... it's your pick.  Our goal is to get our guest list down to 230, the max for both our chapel and reception venue, funny enough, is 220.  That being said, we know there are at least 10 of FI's family members who we have not seen or heard from in over 10 years and will 99.9% not come (and an additional 5 are missionaries in Africa), so we know there will be wiggle room.  Good luck! 

JVeaux

Is moving to a bigger ballroom an option?

ajerome21

yes moving to a bigger room is an option... but an option I don't want to consider. lol! The room I have at Pier 5 is beautiful and is what sold me on it.  I am not too crazy about the other room.  I made some cuts and now we are at 132 people.  I don't even know where these people came from... we have small families.  I agree with the guest list changing - our rough draft only had 100 or less.  I don't even know where these 60 extra people came from.  lol. Seven people will just have to be put on a maybe list and if we know for sure how many people are not coming we will then invite some from our maybe list.  I would imagine that we wouldn't be inviting the "maybe" people until we got our rsvp's back.  So it would probably be a month or so before the wedding and they didn't receive a save the date card.  Is it rude to invite someone at the last minute???   When making cuts, some friends/relatives who are not married or in a relationship got their guest taking away.  Every wedding I have been invited to I was able to bring a guest, however, I have been in a relationship with my FI since I was 15.  Anyway, is it rude to invite someone and not allow them a guest??  I did this to the people who we are not close with and are not married or in a relationship.  Also, we only did it to the ones that will know someone at the wedding.  If they won't know anyone, I kept their guest on the invite.  I feel that I rather cut someone that I don't know (a friend's guest) than cut someone that I actually want there.  It took away about 10+ people.  I just don't know if it's rude to not allow your guest to bring someone?? Thank you ladies for your help!So now my two questions are: Is it rude to invite someone at the last minute?  Is it rude to not allow everyone to bring a guest?

tracy_k

It is not at all rude to invite people without guests... especially if they will know many other people at the wedding. I'm inviting a group of people from a singing group I've been in for nearly 10 years, a couple of them have long-term SOs and a couple do not. I'm not inviting everyone with a guest because I know they will know all the other people from the group.The B list invitations are a little awkward... anyone getting an invitation 4 weeks before a wedding will be pretty aware that they weren't on the A list. If you only want them there if other people can't come, it might be worth thinking seriously about whether or not you really want them there, period.We want to have no more than 125 guests, but we're inviting about 140. If all 140 people come, we might need to tweak our menu, but it won't significantly affect us one way or another.

JVeaux

I agree with your thinking on how you exclude the +guests.  For B list guests, the least rude way of doing this is to send regular invites out a little earlier than you would normally, and then send B list out a few weeks later after you have received some regrets.  I believe it would be rude to receive an invite and the rsvp date is in 2 days (or passed!)  

KellyColleen06

PP have good ideas.But I feel for you.  Just reading this made me shudder.  Oh the guest list and all the problems it causes from so many angles (who gets invited, who can you not invite, who gets how many people, how many can the venue hold, who gets the save the date)Ahh

unionbay7

We invited over our max but were confident in some people that wouldn't come... it actually ended up we barely met our minimum!  (Invited 185, had 125 show... 150 was the max). I would suggest not sending STD's to everyone.  Maybe just your immediate family and people who were on the original guest list.  That way you aren't locked in to an invite later.  STD's aren't really required anyway and if anyone says anything say they were only sent to immediate family and OOT guests that needed hotel reservations.  Good luck! The guest list is always a headache...

ajerome21

Thank you ladies! I thought the most stressful thing was finding a venue.... it's NOT!!! It's the guest list.  I think I am going to take the advice of not sending the save the dates to everyone for the time being  I am going to send them out to my def list and hold on to the others for a little longer.  It buys me some time with the guest list.  Again, thank you! Did anyone use magnetstreet for their STD's?  I found one that I really like and wanted to know the quality of their product.  It seems really small though.  I think it's 3.5 x 4. 

ajerome21

i just noticed sweetcfly posted a thread about STD's and it has some reviews of magnetstreet!!!

missnaptown

My magnets just came yesterday! I got the larger ones (I think 3.5x4) and they're perfect! We just did one picture and large print--too much small stuff probably wouldn't come out so well. I managed to find a coupon code so I know they're out there somewhere. Now I'm in the same position as you--who NOT to invite...

rands09

We just did our list and cut down this morning...and yes, similar issues came up! We wanted an intimate affair with immediate family, close friends and co-workers (DH is a police seargeant, and it is tradition in their squad that everyone always invite the whole team to weddings - with spouses, that accounted for about 20 spots, but we consider them friends)...Our guest list goal was 100-125. Once we started booking vendors, and got the venue, we both agreed that we would like to keep it closer to 100 than the 125. So, we whittled our list down to 116 who will be receiving invites. In agreement with pp, we decided that if a person didn't make the "A" list, then we would just leave them off. We do plan to send out announcements with a photo for those we just couldn't invite, but would have if we were loaded! lolSo, we figure with 116 invites going out, probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-12 will rsvp regrets, so I'm thinking we'll end up at either just under or just over 100, which would be great. And that's not including the few who will say yes, that will actually not make it...And I am also doing plus ones on a case by case basis. For the few people who may not know anyone, I'm allowing a guest. Also for live-in  and longtime known SO's...other than that, just the person that we know. I estimate that we should have no more than 4 or 5 people that we won't know there, and its important to me to be surrounded by those that I know and care for, and not a lot of strangers...GL!