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Kentucky

Need suggestions on dealing with the MIL

Let me start this post by saying I generally love my soon to be mother in law - BUT she is still wanting to add people to the guest list and we only have 8 weeks to go.  The some of the people she's wanting to add are family members of my fiance's step dad however when my fiance and I originally talked about these people he said not to invite them because he never goes to their family functions and hasn't seen them in 5 years.  We just saw these people at a family cook out two weekends ago and now he's all for adding them.  The other people are parent's of a friend of my fiance's sister.  The issue is not that I don't want these people at our wedding but that we're already at capacity for the church and over capacity for the reception venue.  The MIL and I originally had an agreement after the guest list was made that if she wanted to add people she had to take the same number of people off and that myself and my family would follow the same rule but she's now trying to go back on that.  Please give me suggestions on how to deal with this.  Thanks.

Re: Need suggestions on dealing with the MIL

  • edited December 2011
    There's really no tactful way of dealing with this situation because every MIL feels entitled to "show off" the day of her son's wedding, regardless of logistics, cost, etc.  Verbal invitations often are granted to the mailman, the lady who cuts her hair and her entire block without regard to how well these people know you and your FI. Now, taking into account that she is not a beast, the best thing is talk with your fiance and then have a polite, sympathetic conversation with the MIL.  A united front is key to this diplomatic effort.  This woman gave birth to your man, and may feel her umbilical cord is still attached.  Without the united front, he may bow to her wishes.  So be diligent about getting to him first and reminding him of reality.   Something on the lines of "We are so honored you are just as excited about the wedding as we are, but we can't add any more to the guest list..we are over capacity...and even if we could afford to add more people, we can't create more space at our reception venue...we want this to be a joyous AND comfortable experience for all..."Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I spoke to my FI this afternoon after posting the original message and he said he would take a look at who his mother was wanting to add and would let me know what he thinks.  HE has already vetoed this people once because he never sees them but because we just saw them a couple of weekends ago he's now ok with adding them.  This is the only time he's seen them since he graduated in 2004!  He keeps telling me he's not sure what I'm so stressed out about because it's not like the places are going to kick us out if we're over capacity.  His mother knows the number of people on our guest list as well as what both places will hold but keeps saying "Not everyone will come," like that makes it ok for her to add more people!  I don't want to be running into people every time I turn around because the venue is too full or have people standing during our wedding because there aren't enough seats for everyone.  I don't understand why I'm the only one that seems to see the issue with that! 
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, looks like you're screwed.If your husband can't stand up to his mom now...well, my sincerest best wishes for a happy marriage.
  • Tuneful_BrideTuneful_Bride member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Actually, the venues CAN kick people out if they're at capacity, and, in fact, they could be considered negligent for not doing so. There is a reason the fire marshal imposes limits on the number of people that can fit in a room, and it's a safety issue. In short, if you are over capacity, some of your guests may find themselves turned away at the door.
  • ladylumladylum member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If they are paying for anything, express your concerns about capacity but if she is not paying for anything, just say no.  No explanation needed since she is not the decision maker on YOUR and your FI's wedding.
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