I'm posting this on here because frankly, on the national boards, some people are really rude and I don't want people jumping down my throat.
I have a friend (We will call her Sally) from high school that I originally asked to be in my wedding. She said yes & almost immediately started complaining about things. She would ask me about 1x/week why another friend from HS was not in the wedding (it was a hard decision, but in the end, we haven't talked in a long time and our friendship is not what it used to be) & when I told her why, she would keep bugging me ("Just put her in it"). She also complained about other things in the wedding, such as the flowers the BM would carry ("I don't like those" Really? I don't care. It's MY wedding) & also asked if her family could come to look at BM dresses because "they would like that". She came in January to visit (she lives on the west coast & her family was present, but not with us) to try on BM dresses & things were fine.
Our STD's went out about 2 weeks later & a couple days later (on a sunday) Sally texted me and asked if her mom was invited. I said no, she asked again "No, you're not inviting my mom?" and I again said "No, I am not." Now, when her family was with us in January they did ask questions about the wedding but in no way, shape, or form did I ever indicate or hint they would be invited to the wedding. In fact, I was dreading being with her family. I absolutely cannot stand her mom and her mom in fact invited herself to our other friends wedding (my other BM) and then brought EIGHT people with her and gave a $20 gift. Now, I know gifts are "optional" but that is just downright rude. Sally does not know what really went down because our other friend does not have the heart to tell her how rude her mother was (I don't blame her).
Before I get into things, keep in mind that our wedding is in plymouth, mi, Sally's family lives in michigan (on the other side of the state, but still on the way), and no parents are invited to the wedding, nor are children. All STD's were addressed appropriately (Mr. & Mrs. John Doe). Also, her daughter is 1 1/2 yrs old.
Anyway, about 30 minutes after the text, she called me and was literally screaming at me because I wasn't going to invite her mom and was like "I need someone to watch my daughter, etc etc." I was so in shock by the way she was talking to me that I wasn't even really processing what she was saying. My fiance was sitting across the room & could hear her screaming. I was trying to calmly tell her that her mom is not invited and that we are not inviting anyone's parents. She kept saying I need her to watch my child & her husband *might* not be able to come because he's applying to internships (not accepted, but applying) and why can't her mom just take his place. I was so caught off guard that I didn't even get to say children were not invited. She finally ended with "well if you don't invite my mom, then I can't be in your wedding." I was so stunned that I just said that I couldn't speak to her right now. I hung up and literally cried the hardest I ever had in my life. My fiance said he had never ever seen me so upset (bless his little heart that bought me a massage for the next day).
Two days later she called me to talk. Again, it was much of the same stuff..."Someone needs to watch my kid", "why can't my mom come", "You're being insensistive", etc. I was offering suggestions "Fiance's sister has tons of great babysitters" (I don't want a stranger watching my kid), "Why don't you just leave baby with mom in hometown?" (I don't want to be away from her or I don't want to travel over there), Can baby stay home with husband if he doesn't come (I don't want to be away from her). I could go on and on with suggestions & excuses. At the beginning of the conversation that children were not invited & her response was how am i supposed to know that...invites havent gone out yet. I explained that the STD was addressed to the invitee's and she said "well then I guess I'm just ignorant for not understanding that kids aren't invited." The rest of the conversation was more of her yelling & me trying to stay calm (I am proud to say I did not yell back) & her being melodramatic. Finally I told her she needed to make a decision regarding if she can be involved in the wedding party.
Finally on Friday, Sally texted me and told me that she was not going to be in the wedding. No phone call, no trying to work something out, no nothing. All I could say was ok. I just couldn't fight her anymore. Since then, she has not called, emailed, texted, didn't wish me happy birthday, no correspondance whatsoever. I am so hurt by her actions and behavior. I would never expect this type of behavior from a friend of 15 yrs.
Our invites are supposed to go out in a couple weeks & right now I am feeling that I do not want her present for the wedding (neither does my fiance). I feel like if she was to get an invite & she would come, she would #1 bring her child, #2 bring her mom, #3 talk crap about me to our friends after a couple cocktails, and #4 her being there would not make my wedding any better...I would not care if she was there. I think my mind is set on not sending her an invite because I feel she has ruined and ended our friendship. I am curious about other people's opinions or thoughts on what you would do.
Thanks for reading all of this!!
