Last Name Debate Poll

boogerbearoriginal

Background: FI really wants me to change my last name and I'm not really digging it. I said its a stupid tradition and I feel like I'm giving up part of me. He disagrees and thinks we should have the same name. On to the poll:1) Are you changing/did you change your name?2) Either way, Why?3) Did you ever feel sad about it?4) Anything else you'd like to share?Thanks!

thecatsfancy

Yes, I'm changing my last name...and yes, I'm a bit sad about it.  I am considering hyphenating my last name or dropping my middle name.  BUT my middle name is my great-grandma's name so I would be sad to lose it.  No final decisions made yet...

mink492

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes 2) Either way, Why? I've never considered NOT changing it. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? A little bit. Esp in waves the last couple days. My current last name's days are numbered. 4) Anything else you'd like to share? Not really

jcrawford76

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes2) Either way, Why? I've always thought I would change my name, but now that the day is nearing, even though I'm still going to do it, I will miss my last name. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? I don't know if sad is the word, but bummed I will no longer share the name w/ my parents. And I'm going from a 'C' to an 'F'. F's are hard! 4) Anything else you'd like to share? I completely understand why some girls don't change their names or hyphenate their names. Boys just don't understand how big of a change it is. Everything is easy for them, you know?! But, it's a huge deal!

HiggyFan42

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes 2) Either way, Why? Because I feel if we are married, we should have the same name. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? Yes, I really do not like his last name... at all... but I never considered not changing it. 4) Anything else you'd like to share? No not really.

niprsnkity

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Still have not decided.2) Either way, Why? I struggle because I have a very unique last name now, I am known at work because of it. Whenever I introduce myself to someone new they are like OOOOH you're amy with that funny last name.3) Did you ever feel sad about it? Yes4) Anything else you'd like to share? I never thought I would ever question changing my last name. And now here I am wondering if I should. The only thing that worries me about not changing it is when we have kids, I always get so confused when parents have two last names...

jennic22

Are you changing/did you change your name? YepEither way, Why? Like other pp's said, I never considered not changing it.  I also think its important to have the same name as my children (and I'm not a fan of hyphens) and to have one last name for our new familyDid you ever feel sad about it? Never really sad... its just weird, but I'm getting used to itAnything else you'd like to share? Only that upper-case cursive S's are really hard, and I don't like it!

corinne2010

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes I will be changing my name2) Either way, Why? Ehh, I've always thought it was the right thing to do...we're getting married and should have the same last name!3) Did you ever feel sad about it? Yes! I love my last name. There's so much history and my family is very well-known. I'll miss it :(4) Anything else you'd like to share? I think that if you want to hyphenate your name or not change your last name at all, your FI should be behind you 100%. I have tried explaining this to Ben and he just doesn't get it!

boogerbearoriginal

Corinne2010 - he thinks I should be honored to be part of his family and that by not wanting to change my name I am not proud of our marriage or something. But I look at it as I'm proud of my family too.

catstoy73

1) Are you changing/did you change your name?  Yes2) Either way, Why?   My maiden name will always be me no matter what, but having DH's last name, makes me feel closer to him.  3) Did you ever feel sad about it?  A little.  I have had the same last name for a lot of years and it took a while for it to sink in, especially when signing my name on checks or anything else and I would get butterflies writing my new last name for months (I still do every now and then).4) Anything else you'd like to share?  For me it was a no brainer, but I truly believe that if a woman chooses to take her DH's last name then that is up to her.  If she wants to drop hers completely or hyphenate it, then that's her decision.  It doesn't change who you are if you change your last name or leave it.  Remember, he fell in love with you and not your last name.

minifalda

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes 2) Either way, Why? I think it makes me/us feel like more of a family. Plus, it will be easier when we have children. Also, I'm not into hyphenating and with our names it would have been a nightmare. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? No. Although for awhile, whenever I signed my new name it felt like a joke, or like I was forging something! 4) Anything else you'd like to share? For me, I didn't feel as if I was losing a part of myself or my identity. The way I look at it, it doesn't matter what it says on my driver's license, I'll always be a (maiden name). Besides, I have a brother and three guy cousins who will carry on the name. However, having said that, you don't HAVE to change your name. If you decide not to, your fiance should understand it has nothing to do with him and it doesn't mean you don't love him or want to be a part of his family. I think a lot of guys take pride in their wives taking their family name.

corinne2010

Booger-I completely understand! FI thinks I should be honored to have his last name as well. But I think I'm honored to have the same last name as some really great successful people in my family!

LISA R

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Eventually yes 2) Either way, Why? Because we'll be married3) Did you ever feel sad about it? No I'm excited 4) Anything else you'd like to share? FI thinks that its my choice if I choose to change my name. Changing my name does not mean that I'm giving away a part of me. As a matter of fact I think we are both giving something of overselves to a certain degree.

alarthame

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Yes 2) Either way, Why? I'm with Mink... I've never considered NOT changing it. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? I never thought I would, but these last couple days, everytime I sign something in my old last name, I think, "Wow, this could be the last time I ever sign my name this way." It's going to be so weird.  For awhile I'm sure... but I'll get used to it. 4) Anything else you'd like to share? I know that I will always be me, no matter what my name is. I feel like we're creating a family together and that it's important to stand united as a family together. That said, it IS your decision. Just as it's YOUR decision to do what you want with your life, it's YOUR decision to take his last name. Have you asked him how he would feel if you asked him to give up his name and switched it to yours? I have a friend who both took each others' last names. As in, they took her last name as a 2nd middle name and then his last name as the official middle name, because she was already established in her maiden name.

marcstaceywedding

I'm changing mine but I'm going to change my maiden name to be my new middle name (Stacey MaidenName MarriedName). My older sister did this and I think it's a really nice way of "keeping" my maiden name.

~ K

1) Yes2) Honestly, I never really thought about not changing it.  I like that FI and I will have a "family" name.  I never really considered hyphenating because a) I have a crazy Polish last name when combined with the rest of my name it's rather long and b) my first name is hyphenated, 2 hyphens in one name is just too much, lol.3) Overall, I am a little sad.  But a part of me is happy to be shortening my name as a whole.  (is that bad? lol)4) FI thinks I should do it just because his last name is "awesome" so I like to give him a hard time.  I keep suggesting he should take my name!  Or we should just invent a new last name using the letters from our current last names (Father of the Bride Part II, anyone?).  It usually quiets him down.

boogerbearoriginal

I had to laugh when he said only celebrities keep their names, so if I become famous in the next 8 months I get to keep my name. I think I will just add my maiden name as a second middle name and have four names. Luckily 3 of the four names are under 5 letters.

scarywife1026

1. No 2. I've had it for 35 years and I don't want to let go. I like my last name, it's part of who I am, and my heritage. His name isn't nearly as cool as mine is. haha 3. I felt a little guilty about not changing it, but DH doesn't care. 4. Nope. ; )

Bec&Jim

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? No probably not2) Either way, Why? Because my Daddy passed away oct 25, 2008 and he was the last male with our last name so I wanna keep it going on. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? I wish my FI would take my last name lol 4) Anything else you'd like to share? Umm, no Im good thanx for asking

anaeugalo

1) I added his name; I now have four and go by Ana Eugalo Traviano (not my real name) socially.  Professionally, though, I'm just Ana Eugalo.2) I compromised; I didn't want to, but it meant a lot to him. I just told him I wasn't letting go of Eugalo.3) Yes, very much so.  My maiden name is Basque and awesome.4) Talk about it. My husband became more understanding as the day approached. He never drops the Eugalo.

scarywife1026

I changed my mind on #4. I think it's really funny when people refer to DH as Mr. Mylastname. He just gives me a dirty look. hahaha

mandanyrdreams

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Hell Yes!lol2) Either way, Why? Because my name is my fathers last name and he is a douche,I havent talked to him since I was 12.I don't talk to any of that side of the family. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? Maybe for a split second because I am "Manda B" (What my friends and family call me) But now I can be "Manda Z" and it still works lol4) Anything else you'd like to share? I'm just going from easy to hard,people are going to misspell and misspronounce it.lol

ms nobody

LOL mo. I'mma do that do FI. 1) Are you changing/did you change your name? Nope. 2) Either way, Why? because it's my name. (in lots of cultures it's customary for neither party to change a name when married) 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? No. 4) Anything else you'd like to share? I think that no man should ever assume/push for his future wife to change their name unless they themselves give some real thought to taking their future wife's name. I think it's arrogant and selfish to want/expect someone else to do something you'd never dream of doing. (especially if the future wife is hesitant). This is a pretty interchangeable statement, you can switch the man and woman to woman then man, or man and man, or woman and woman, take out "name changing" and put in "bread winning" or "child rearing" or "oil changing" or "bathroom cleaning" or "grocery shopping" or "high-heel wearing" or "dog poop picker-upper." it's my basic life philosophy. walk a mile in another person's shoes... treat others how you want to be treated. you know all that stuff.

sbowersox

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? yes i changed my name2) Either way, Why? i know eventually we will be married for longer than the 28 years i've had my name and it will feel natural - plus i want my kids to have the same name as both of us3) Did you ever feel sad about it? ABSOLUTELY - i was pretty bummed the day i went to the secretary of state4) Anything else you'd like to share? i haven't officially changed my name at work.  i say my name about 55 times a day and told DH i am not changing it until my new name rolls comfortably off my tongue.  i figure it's a nice transition.  i can use my married name when i want to but i still have the comfort of using my maiden name at work.  it's getting easier to use my married name.  i think it just takes timesorry so long - this one hit close to home!

RachelCheetah

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? I haven't, I am still a tiny bit on the fence about it but leaning towards no2) Either way, Why? I don't know actually. I was excited about it at first but when it came down to it, it made me a little sad and now I just don't want to let it go. It's my family and was part of me for 33 years. I was thinking it's kind of a dumb tradition and also a big pain in the a** to change everything. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? Yeah, that's why it hasn't changed4) Anything else you'd like to share? Nah

cmkuno

1) No2) For several reasons.  First, I really like my last name, and don't really like his.  Second, I don't really like the custom of taking the man's last name.  Third, I'm just getting going in my career as a professional, and I think it will be easier to establish a reputation if my name is consistent.  3) He's not really happy about it, so it's been a source of some tension, but he seems to be warming up to the idea.  4) The biggest problem I see is if we have kids.  It doesn't bother me at all to have a different last name than my husband, but I would like my kids to have my name in there somewhere.  I really don't want the kids AND my husband to all have the same last name and mine is the only one that's different.  So we're considering hyphenating the kids' names if we end up having children.  I'm not sure how well this will work, but it's the best solution I see. 

ms nobody

cmkuno: that's what we're doing if kids come into the picture. none of my friends with hyphenated names ever had any more problems than i ever did with my name. (people call me patricia a lot...they think patrice is a nickname for patricia or something because it's one letter shorter??? so not my name lol)

AprilWed2010

1) Are you changing/did you change your name? I REALLY don't want to, but I will probably hyphenate it to make him happy. 2) Either way, Why? I've always gone by my last name; one of my best friends was confused when I put my first initial in our monogram because he was so used to calling me by my last name. 3) Did you ever feel sad about it? I will definitely miss my last name if I do change it. 4) Anything else you'd like to share? I have the best last name EVER! It's a natural ambigram and a palindrome. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than that. Boys just don't get it. My middle name is my mother's maiden name and my last name is (obviously) my dad's name so I feel like for me to change my last name would be me joining his family and leaving mine instead of two families coming together. I know, it's probably silly, but I can't help but feel that way!

boogerbearoriginal

Thanks for all the feedback ladies. I think its interesting to see the different viewpoints on things like these. FI is about following tradition, and feels that it would be odd if I didn't change my name. He isn't forcing me to do anything, but he does feel very strongly about it. He equates me taking his name with pride/excitement/etc in our marriage.Its been very beneficial for me, and hopefully others, to learn that I'm not alone in feeling like my name is a part of who I am and I'm not terribly eager to toss it aside like day old garbage. I still haven't decided what to do, and luckily I have time to mull it over.

liza0828

This poll comes up every once in a while... when I got married last summer I was pretty much a lone wolf on the name changing thing.  Interesting to see that a few more ladies are keeping their name...   I didn't change my name... I hemmed and hawed about it a little, and finally my husband (then-FI) said, "You really don't seem like you want to change it, so don't!"   I didn't, and don't regret it.  Haven't had any trouble with it so far (except MY dad gave me a hard time about it, oddly enough), but it's a lot more common in the DC area than in Michigan. When the baby is born, he/she will have my husband's last name though.

rootmel1

better late than never!   1) YEP2) FI and I talked about this the other night.  If I had a more ethnic las name (like my Mother's maiden name) I would totally keep my name.  But I don't have any real attachment to my name or that side of my family.  On the other hand FI is very much attached to his name and his hertiage.  So it wasn't a difficult choice.3) I do feel sad, more so now that the day is quickly approaching where I will have to change it.  When I was a kid I never thought I would change my name, how things change!4) nope