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Rejected by our church?

I sent in the first wedding information packet for our church (a non-denominational christian church) and received an email back with a note from the pastor:Today's culture and media view living together and sexual intimacy as natural and even necessary.  But God calls for a different (and ultimately healthier) choice in the Bible.  It's our experience and statistics show that sex before marriage is actually very damaging to the long-term health of the relationship.  Because of this, we ask you to join us in a "counter-cultural" movement to live separately and maintain a celibate lifestyle until you are married.  This can often be a divisive issue, so we recommend that you meet with us before making a final decision to partner with The River in your marriage.  That way, we can more thoroughly explain our reasons for this requirement.So it sounds to me like since we live together, they will not marry us. I'm going to contact the wedding coordinator and talk to her further about this. Anyone else have this issue?

Re: Rejected by our church?

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    edited December 2011
    Wow!! We are getting married in a Catholic church... which is usually known for being pretty strict about that type of thing but they know that we live together and they didn't seem to have that big of a problem with it!!Definitely talk to the coordinator and see whats up with that!!
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    edited December 2011
    We had the same problem,we are living in separate rooms and staying celibate,(kinda)lol We talked about living separate, but with a son together and owning our home we could not do it,so the pastor said we could do separate rooms if we thought it would be too hard on our son,I said yes it would.And that I would move in the other room. We did all that,and stayed celibate.After we got engaged we sent him an email telling him we are engaged now,living in separate rooms and staying celibate.2 weeks later he sends us an email saying that if we aren't ready to move forward than neither are they,What?!?! In their defense I think they see a ton of couples and he didnt remember we had a son.Or our conversation. So we said screw it,we will stay celibate,live in separate rooms,and find someone else who will marry us.And we did.
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    edited December 2011
    That was an interesting e-mail. I would definitely contact the coordinator. Find another church though, there's plenty of them out there and I know of a few in the Livonia/Plymouth area that allow you to bring in your own officiant.
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    edited December 2011
    Amanda - sometimes I wish I could have own room!!! hahaHow do you like living in separate rooms?
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    i'm a little surprised that they were that invasive with their questions. i actually attend the river, as do my inlaws, when we're back in michigan and we had contacted the lead pastor about marrying us & we didnt go through any of that. it ended up not working out in some way though, so maybe that's why? regardless, with being married by an actual pastor (rather than an ordained minister or something?) you will often run into this. i would probably look into other options if i were in the situation...
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    edited December 2011
    Love it!!lol at first it was lonely but I got overthat and I think he did too.lol I like to sleep across the bed so I sleep better, when I would sleep with him I couldn't fall asleep til he did. Sometimes we have to sleep together if we stay at my moms or his parents house,and its like aww man.lol I told him we need a king size bed when we move in the same room.
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    edited December 2011
    I found this to be the case with alot of churches...with the economy the way it is and more couples paying for their own weddings, I can understand from a christian aspect but that's the only way to really save money.....
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    GwenwhyfareGwenwhyfare member
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    edited December 2011
    We had a lot of issues with this as well. The Pastor that did the ceremony for FI's Mom's funeral even said no because we lived together (and I even knew him). We are still looking for someone to do the ceremony, but the Chapel we choose to have the ceremony at did not have a problem with us living together. The Chapel was once an active Church, but they expanded to a larger building and use the old Church for weddings, meetings and events. Definitely talk to the Wedding Coordinator to see what they say.
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    edited December 2011
    I never understand that stuff... I personally think that there are a lot more issues that they could advise couples on that are more important. Who cares how you celebrate your own love? Also who says living together is always unnecessary? FI and I would be living out of our cars if we didn't live together, that's just how our finances work.I dunno, if it were me I'd look into another place to get married. Especially if they are going to label the marriage as an imminent failure just because you live together.*steps down from my soapbox*
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    jodyk23jodyk23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We started attending the church this year and really enjoy the services on Sunday. They came to this conclustion based on the fact that we share the same address. We are getting married outdoors, so it's not like we are using their church or anything. FI and I are going to discuss this tonight also.
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    edited December 2011
    We were not going to be using the church either,just the pastor and wanted to do things through our church,didn't work out that way.We still attend our church but thank goodness my old youth pastor was cool about it and said he didn't mind doing it.If we hadent found him we would have just hired someone probably rec'd from here.
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    leeshab1982leeshab1982 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm always interested to see the "statistics" they speak of.  This kind of stuff really gets my mind going!  If it's really important to you to get married at this particular church, then you could call and talk with them about it.  Otherwise, you could look into finding another place.  Personally, I wouldn't like knowing that the person who's going to marry us basically thinks our marriage will be less "healthy" in the long run just because of our living situation and choice of bedroom activities.   
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    jujubee455jujubee455 member
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    edited December 2011
    wow! That is crazy!! We are getting married in a Catholic church, and my priest was all like it's not even a big deal about us living together. He understood that with rent, and living in DC, its near to impossible to live on your own. And I thought that Catholic churches were more strict about it, but I guess not. He didn't even recommend us living apart. Funny
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    ms nobodyms nobody member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto leeshab. like every word. Semantics: I'm pretty sure nothing that is an institutionalized well-known practice can be called "counter-cultural." i don't think the person that wrote it really knows what that means. lol
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