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Tell Us Tuesday

How do you split time between the holidays?  Will this change after you are married?

Re: Tell Us Tuesday

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    matuofmmatuofm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thankfully, Jeremy's family and mine have completely opposite Christmas schedules.  So we should be able to make everyone's events there (although I'm still feeling a little cranky about not having a minute of time to ourselves for three days straight). 

    One thing we ARE going to have issues with is the fact that his family gets together at 8 in the morning on Christmas morning, and he assumed that we were going to do that.  This irks me for two reasons.  (1) I am not going ANYWHERE until I am showered, coiffed and made up.  And getting up at 6 on Christmas so that I can be somewhere by 8 does not make this a joyful holiday for me.  (2) and more importantly, I always pictured us spending a leisurely Christmas morning around the tree (the first Christmas tree I'll ever have had as an adult), eating Christmas breakfast which I have painstakingly prepared for us, giving gifts to each other, and basking in the general importance of OUR OWN little family and the fact that this is our first holiday together.  Making our own traditions.  Now I'm told that the family expectation is basically that we will get up, haul *ss to my in-laws, and watch the one grandchild of the family open presents for three hours.  We haven't truly delved into this conversation yet, but it's one of very few topics that I'm temped to stomp my foot about.
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    sheshedukeshesheduke member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Since DH and I have been together forever. We have master the holidays. We are going to his parents first for thanksgiving dinner and then to my family. His family does it really big on Christmas eve with Santa and the whole family (we got engaged on Christmas Eve :)) and then His mom cooks Christmas dinner but it is not a big deal if the whole family doesn't come so we stop by for a second and then go to my Family.

    Its a lot but we get to spend time with both families and we also get alone time.
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    Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Christmas works fairly easily -- Christmas Eve with his, Christmas Day with mine. Thanksgiving is a bit trickier. Typically FI's sister hosts something, so I go there early afternoon, and then go to my parents after and he meets up with me a bit later in the evening.

    The funny thing is that with all this wedding hulabaloo (and it really is hulabaloo), my mom and I were having a recent conversation and she decided to throw out her displeasure in the way we divide up holidays. Not so much these major ones, but the little ones like Mother's Day, 4th of July, etc. Totally caught me off guard so FI and I have started talking about how to re-approach a few things so my parents feel like they're getting equal time year-round.
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    acaponi87acaponi87 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    For right now we have a happy mix up staying separate and trying to make each other's stuff when we can.

    On Thanksgiving both of our families host something so we go our separate ways. His tends to get done pretty early so he will come over to my parents and party with us post-dinner.

    Christmas schedule changes a bit per year. He'll come to our huge Christmas party on my dad's side which is on the 23rd this year.  Christmas Eve we both have our own things going on so we stay separate. Christmas Day, is samesies, though I usually meet up with him toward the end of the night.

    After we get married, we'll see. My mother has made is abundantely clear that we (well at least me) WILL be at her house on Christmas morning. She has even said "Jeff's family can have every other holidayas long as I get Christmas". The first couple of years I'm sure will be different than when we start having kids. 
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    Thumper1148Thumper1148 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We've been doing the same thing for quiet a few years.  One family gets Thanksgiving and one get Christmas and then we switch the next year.  Since FI's familoy is out of town (near Cleveland), it doesn't make it possible to share holidays.

    Although we do see them during the season, we just schedule an additional weekend to celebrate whatever holiday.  Makes for a lot of weekends devoted to family during the holidays.

    I doubt it will change once we are married.  We aren't having kids, so people will assume that we can just travel to see them.
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    sparkles776sparkles776 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    Since this is our first holiday season engaged, things are going to be a bit trickier this year. In the past we usually go our seperate ways and meet up at either his parents or my parents after dinner. He really wants us to be together from now on since we are engaged so we are trying to work everything out. He has to work on Thanksgiving, which means I get to go to my family and then Friday we are doing dinner with his family. Christmas eve is his family and christmas day apparently we have to go to my mother's in the morning, his parents in the afternoon, and then my extended family for dinner. It is definitely a difficult thing to do, and i can imagine it will get worse when we have kids!

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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_tell-tuesday-114?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:230341f9-96e8-42d1-82a3-322939321f3cPost:30d4f711-72be-4bcc-aac0-744ef8b00530">Re: Tell Us Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thankfully, Jeremy's family and mine have completely opposite Christmas schedules.  So we should be able to make everyone's events there (although I'm still feeling a little cranky about not having a minute of time to ourselves for three days straight).  One thing we ARE going to have issues with is the fact that his family gets together at 8 in the morning on Christmas morning, and he assumed that we were going to do that.  This irks me for two reasons.  (1) I am not going ANYWHERE until I am showered, coiffed and made up.  And getting up at 6 on Christmas so that I can be somewhere by 8 does not make this a joyful holiday for me.  (2) and more importantly, I always pictured us spending a leisurely Christmas morning around the tree (the first Christmas tree I'll ever have had as an adult), eating Christmas breakfast which I have painstakingly prepared for us, giving gifts to each other, and basking in the general importance of OUR OWN little family and the fact that this is our first holiday together.  Making our own traditions.  Now I'm told that the family expectation is basically that we will get up, haul *ss to my in-laws, and watch the one grandchild of the family open presents for three hours.  We haven't truly delved into this conversation yet, but it's one of very few topics that I'm temped to stomp my foot about.
    Posted by matuofm[/QUOTE]

    Yes you should put your foot down.  If you don't do it this year, you will be doing the 8am ritual from now until the end of time.  It's a perfect opportunity since it's your first holiday as a married couple.  DO IT.


    In the past, I would go to DH's family for Thanksgiving and I would go home for Christmas and he would go to his house for Christmas.  We have been together for 7 years and we have never spent Christmas together.

    Now that we're married, we are splitting the holidays.  One family gets Thanksgiving, the other gets Christmas.  Then we'll switch the next year.  MIL was not happy when we told her about our plan <em>last year</em> (so she could get used to the idea).  She's accepted it but she's still trying to finagle a way for my family to come to Michigan "so we can all celebrate together!"  I told her if she wants to celebrate all together next year she is more than welcome to come to Minnesota.

    I'm irritated with DH's extended family about planning the "family" Christmas get together but that's a vent for another day.  I always wanted a big family but man alive can it be difficult planning.  It really makes me appreciate my teeny tiny family :)
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    vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Holidays are always a pain in the butt for us. My family is so huge and we have a hard enough time seeing everyone already. Easter and Christmas Day is spent with my mom's side, Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with my dad's. Well my FI's family is so small they just get together for every holiday. It is frustrating to me (and selfish of me to feel this way) that every holiday is spent with the exact same people on FI's side.

    It is especially hard when the holiday takes place at my house (parents house). With such a large family my parents need my help preparing everything, from cooking, cleaning, setting up the table etc. We will be hosting 25-50 people and either way I feel like a jerk if I leave. I feel like I am just venting now, ugh, sorry!

    But this year FI has a job where he works 3-11pm. So he will be working on all of the holidays so I have NO clue what will happen. I cannot wait until we have our own house and people can come to us so we don't have to rush around!
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    edited December 2011
    Luckily for us our families live very close, so we are able to go back and forth quite easily.

    On Thanksgiving my family usually starts dinner around 3pm and FI usually starts around 5pm. So we go to mine first for about 3 hours and arrive and FI's about an hour late. Then, my family goes out Black Friday shopping together, so I leave FI at about 9 to go shopping and he hangs out with his family for the evening. That way we are each getting abotu the same amount of time with the families together and separate. As of right now, I don't see this changing too much once we get married.

    Christmas is a little different. We each celebrate with our own families opening presents in the morning. Then I normally head over to FI around 11 or 12 to open presents and then back to my families for an early dinner and then back to FI for a late dinner! lol It's a lot of back and forth. I think the only thing that would change is Christmas morning. I know FMIL will still want us to come over in the morning, but I want to celebrate in the mornings by ourselves!

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    edited December 2011
    FI's dad passed away last year and his mom lives in AZ, but comes in for Christmas every year. FI's sister and mom spend the night Christmas Eve, we do gifts with them, around 10ish, head to my parents, then around 3ish, head to his Grandpas for extended family Christmas.

    Thanksgiving is with my parents- since his mom is away. Eventually, she'll want us to come to AZ for Christmas. She said after grandpa is gone, she wont come for Christmas anymore but i dont foresee it when we have kids- it would be so much more work!

    So within the next few years, an AZ Christmas will be in my future- could be fun?!
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    carpediem27carpediem27 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We have it fairly easy for the holidays, mostly because despite FI having a huge family, none of them are close at all. There are no big holiday parties to worry about. For both Thanksgiving and Christmas, his mom usually makes dinner, but it is in the evening after anything my family does, in the past we have just gone to collect leftovers for the day after. This year they may not do anything at all, as FI's sister and nephew have moved out of state and will probably not be coming home.

    This works out great because my family is smaller, but super close, so we dont have to skip anything they do. Thanksgiving is at my mom's, Christmas Eve is at my Grandpa's with my mom's family, Christmas morning we have time to do our own thing at home, then we go to my mom's with my siblings and their kids, followed by Christmas day with my dad's family. Phew, ha!
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    MMRoberts11MMRoberts11 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We spend Thanksgiving dinner with my FI's side and dessert with my side.

    A random day in December we get together with my mom's side, Christmas eve with my parents and then my dad's side, and Christmas day with his side.


    When we get married it will probably be thanksgiving with one side and christmas with another.  However, that really all depends on if we stay in state or not.  If we move out of state it really depends where.  I don't think we'd realistically come back if we were in Washington state for example.
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