B-party money issues

Melgor78

I was talking with one of my bm last weekend about my B-party.  She was asking what I wanted to do and such.  She asked me to have my moh/sister call her so they can start working on it.  Well  after talking with my moh about things we'd like to do I didn't even think about the $$ aspect.  My moh is a single mother working two jobs so I know she doesn't have a lot of extra $$.  Her plans were totally different than I was thinking also hers were less $$.  I know my moh won't say anything about the $$ issue to my other bm's, since she doesn't know them and I don't want her to feel she has to spend more than she can afford.  Would it be wrong of me to mention the $$ issue to my other bm's and let them know she on a tight budget.  Don't want to embarrass her but I don't want to feel bad that she can't afford as much as they other can.  I'm just thinking that if they know her budget they can plan better.  I've never plan a B-party so I'm not sure how the cost are divided.  I offered to help my moh with the $$ but I know that she would feel even worse if I was paying for my B-party.  Any thought or suggestions?

Sue-n-Kevin

It's very kind of you to think that way (that's coming from a single mom, me).

Since the other BM (not MOH) brought it up, I'd probably inform her. Explain the dilemma, and that the MOH is probably sensitive to her financial situation. A bridal party is supposed to be a bunch of girlfriends getting together to celebrate the "last hurrah" of the bride..... they are not popularity contests or meant to be extravagant. (IMO). Give that BM some places you like to go to "let your hair down", bars or things like that, and make sure you have designated drivers if you don't want the expense of a limo.

Instead of a bar, maybe someone has a family member or friend with a cabin or cottage that could be used for a weekend, and everyone could bring a bunch of munchies, their favorite cocktail mixes or frozen drink ingredients and you could just hang out and have girl chat instead of a public thing. Depending on your ages and comfort with public displays of partying, this might be something they'd prefer. It's also a lot less expensive than $10 drinks and a limo

Good luck.

Julz629

I am trying to be very conscious about the costs for my BMs.  3 of them are from out-of-state and will be flying in for the wedding.  In addition, 2 have chosen to come in for a weekend for the b-party and shower.  I am trying to be aware of costs for them all around...including picking a dress from J Crew for $80, offering my house if they need a place to stay, rides to/from airport, etc.

For the b-party, we are hanging out at one girls house for the early part of the night.  We have asked everyone to bring an appetizer to pass and my sister (matron of honor) will supply the booze.  We will have plenty of food and after everyone has had a few drinks, we will hit up the bars.  We are asking the moms to drop us off at the bars on our way out (lol) and we will cram into a cab to get back home. 

Hopefully this will keep the costs at a minimum for all.  Plus, I will probably have more fun hanging out and being low-ley with my girlfriends.

boogerbearoriginal

I think its very kind of you to be conscientious of people's finances, especially a single mother. Your post is rather vague as to what the plans are and the differences in cost would be however, would you MOH agree to do/pay for things she truly couldn't afford?

Money is a very touchy subject and if it were me I personally would be a bit offended if you mentioned something to the bridesmaids about possibly having financial issues with the plans. I assume they are all talking about the plans and if it gets to a point that she's not comfortable with the cost she should speak up. IMO its not your place to determine what she can/cannot afford even if you do have her best interests at heart.

I agree with Sue & Julie that a bachelorette does not need to be an extravagant affair with limo rides and martinis and a full day at the spa. An evening at someone's house can be a lot more fun if you're surrounded by good friends.

Unless they ask for your input on the plans, at which point you could steer them into a less expensive option without mentioning anyone's finances, I think you should let them figure it all out amongst themselves since they are planning the party.