Introduction and advice

michgirl8

Hi everyone!

I've been a lurker for awhile, but now that the engagement is official (yay!) and we're getting into the actual planning (overwhelming!) I thought I should introduce myself and go directly to the experts for some advice. 

FI and I have set the date for January 5, 2013, so I have some time, but not a lot of time, to pull everything together. FI is wonderful and very involved in the planning process.  We're both committed to not blowing the bank on our wedding.  Perhaps one of the best advantages to being a slightly older couple (in our later 30s - that's all I'm saying) is that we're pretty practical about this wedding planning process.  That being said, because of the size of our respective families, we're looking at an invite list of 250 with an expected confirmed list of 200.  Not exactly a small wedding!   This is a first wedding for both of us, and our parents are *so excited*!

So here's where I really need your advice.  We have our church reserved - it's in Birmingham.  And we have pretty much nailed down our venue - in St. Clair Shores.  (He's an east-sider and I'm a west sider).  Most of the people that will be coming from my side will be from out of town and won't know the area so I'm already a litle concerned about the distance between venues.  But even setting that aside, what do I do with everyone between the ceremony and the reception????  We want to have some time to take pictures and there is also the actual drive to the venue.  We can't really afford to extend the time at the hall for a longer cocktail hour.  FI really does not want to be rushed over pictures so he wants a two hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the reception.  Thoughts?  Advice?  I feel like that's a long time to make people sit around before the party gets started, but maybe I'm worrying too much.  I don't go to that many weddings anymore, because most of my friends and family were married years ago or I was in the weddings so I wasn't really paying attention to that part of the day.  I really don't want to be inconsiderate to our guests just so we can take a lot of pictures.  I want this to be a party for them - I really don't take the position that the day is all about us.  

Sorry for the length of this post and thanks in advance for any advice you might have.  I'm totally new at this bride stuff and flying a bit blind!

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome michgirl8, and congrats on your engagement!

We were a much older couple when we married last August, 50's, so don't worry about age, LOL.

I have been to recent weddings, and one was actually like you described, we were the out of towners along with others (the wedding was in the Grand Rapids area and all the bride's family was near Detroit). There was about 2 hrs between events, and the events were roughly 20 miles from each other.

When the ceremony was over, we went back to our hotel to wait it out.

Here are the issues I see with your situation:

- Where do you plan to take the pictures? At the church? It will be January, so I'm assuming you are not planning on anything outdoors, or at least not a whole lot of outdoor pictures like a summer or fall bride.

- Where is the hotel you will be booking for the guests? That makes a difference, not a large one, but something to consider. It should probably be near the church or banquet hall, or somewhere in between.

If you can't add time to the start of the reception for a cocktail hour, then your guests will face a somewhat longer wait. We were the out of towners in the scenario I mentioned, and weren't that upset. People generally understand it's about the two of you and deal with it.

An alternative that might work for you depending on the time the church is available is a "first look" which we did. Our ceremony and reception venues were actually at the same place, but due to the timing we didn't want our guests to have to wait for us. We arranged to meet on the grounds of the venue in the garden area, separately meet each other for a "first look", just the two of us and the photographer, then the rest of the family met us for more posed pics, which were then done except for a couple after the ceremony in the chapel.

If you wanted to do this, you'd need to know where you want those posed pictures taken. You didn't say where you were planning on taking pictures. If it's in the chapel and they can have it ready about 2 hrs before your ceremony you could do it there. If you were thinking of driving around and taking pics in the area, the immediate families and wedding party would need to be ready about 2 hrs earlier to accomplish that. A smaller number of people are therefore "inconvenienced", you get your pictures accomplished, and your guests don't wait.

If you don't want to do that it's understandable. It's just another option to consider. Most people don't mind and understand.

 Otherwise the choice of your hotel becomes important to provide your guests a place to go in between the two events. Birmingham hotels are expensive, you could look in Troy on Big Beaver Rd or off of I-75, Sterling Hts/Warren (there are a ton near the GM Tech Center on Van Dyke, reasonably priced)..........not sure about St Clair Shores.

Good luck. Looking forward to all your planning.

MMRoberts11

First off welcome to the board and congrats!

I was going to offer the same advice Sue gave.  She's great at giving advice.

Meegles4

I had about a 2 hour gap between my ceremony ending and the cocktail hour beginning, and our reception was only about 7 miles away from the ceremony site. I've also been to many "gap" weddings.

Are many of your guests going to be OOT? If so, I agree with Sue on finding a hotel that is close to the ceremony or reception so if people wanted, they could go back there and relax for a bit. I'd probably choose something closer to the reception, b/c then it's closer at the end of the night.

The way I look at gaps is like this: our friends could figure out what to do. Most likely, they went to a bar or another friend's house nearby and waited it out. They were all familiar with the area and know how to entertain themselves. The people we were most worried about were our OOT family and the few older guests we had (grandparents in their 80s).

Our solution was that my mom and dad had an informal gathering at the hotel bar where the OOTs were staying. They didn't host it as far as paying for everyone's drinks, but just kind of spread through word of mouth that they'd be hanging out there after the ceremony. So, if people wanted, they could go, grab a drink, have some munchies, or just hang out and chat with everyone else. This gave my parents an opportunity to catch up with "their" guests so to speak before the hustle and bustle of the reception.

I obviously wasn't there, but I think it worked out well and lots of people took advantage of the option. For our grandparents, I know my H's grandfather was taken home during the gap. He wasn't going to be able to be at the reception (well past his bedtime), so H's family used that gap time to get him home and settled and then get back down to the reception in time.

ETA: I should also add that the bar my parents used was kid-friendly since it was during the day. We also gave them a heads up ahead of time that there'd be a group, but we didn't do a formal reservation. We knew that it'd be fairly empty that time of day and we didn't know how many people would join my parents, so we just gave the manager a heads up and he planned to have an extra staffer come in a little early that day. I think it all worked out well and we avoided paying any kind of rental fee or something like that for the bar/room.

sparkles776

I was just at a wedding this weekend with a 3 hour gap, and the two venues were literally 1 mile from eachother. We found stuff to do, we just went out for drinks. Honestly, it is natural to worry, but a lot of people expect the gap, I wouldnt really worry too much about it.

mlynn1223

Welcome and congratulations!!  I agree with the previous posts.  In general, two hours is not that big of a deal.  It's when you start having 5 or 6 hours that it is a little more to worry about.  I do not feel two hours will bother your guests.  Happy Plannings!!  

KBLDC2012

I wouldn't worry about the gap like the other ladies mentioned. It's pretty normal and it will help just in case weather is bad to give the guests extra time to drive slow from the ceremony to the reception. If you have a lot of out of town guests then I think it's a good idea to give them some sort of handout either right after the ceremony or when they check into their hotel with ideas of things to do locally whether it's actual events or just good bars and restaraunts to head to to kill time. I got married in Feb and had a 2.5 hr gap for photos. We had no snow and did photos outside and I actually feel like I would have made it a 3 hour break. things just go so quickly during that time of your day. I don't know of a lot of places near st clair shores for hotels but one nice thing is that SCS is close to detroit where there are lots of places to stop for entertainment.

ermjdecember2015

Welcome and congrats! I know people whine and cry about these "gaps" sometimes, but really, sometimes theres nothing you can do. I myself will have a 2 hour gap, it is what it is. So people can go back to their hotel, grab lunch and a few drinks, check out the area, or go home and take a nap! lol. I wouldnt worry too much, for out of town guests we're going to make them a map with activities they can do in the mean time. Ive never really had a problem with all the "gap" weddings Ive been to, still enjoyed the day just fine!

michgirl8

Okay, first of all, I kind of want to give all of a you a big hug!  I was having a serious breakdown this afternoon over wedding planning, and your comments/suggestions totally calmed me down.  So THANK YOU!! 

We are planning to hold the reception at Lakeland Manor (on Harper in SCS), and they have some deal worked out with the nearby Hampton Inn (on Gratiot) where they will offer a shuttle to/from the hall as long as something like 10 rooms are booked there.  I don't foresee that being an issue.  So hopefully during the gap, those who want to can just return to the hotel and then take a shuttle over later - or at least have a shuttle home if they don't want to drive after the reception.   

I love the idea of having an informal sponsored gathering at the hotel between the ceremony and reception.  I think my parents would love to do that, especially since it's basically all my side that will be coming from out of town.   None of them are big drinkers but they are big talkers and they like to snack, so that should make everyone happy.  My FI suggested that we could also point them to the Henry Ford house (never been there myself) as a place for them to explore while waiting around.  

@Sue, I suggested the idea of a first look to the FI and he was adamently opposed.  I loved the idea but he is a major traditionalist, and I'm already killing him with my "bridesman" and getting married in a Lutheran church (he's Catholic).  I'm picking my battles. :-)

Anyway, thank you all again so much!  You gave me some great ideas and advice!  

--Greta