Rant about Cousin/BM

TheFutureMrsB81

I called my cousin who is also a BM today to find out when she'd like to go check out dresses (since we're at the 4m 2 w mark) and we chit chatted first for a while before I decided to ask her. She's had a busy December with moving and what not and I didn't want to be an annoyance. Before I brought up wedding stuff she asked me "Is your dad retired yet?" I told her not till Feb 2012. She then asked if I was throwing him a retirement party. I told her no and she said "Well don't you think you should elope instead and have a retirement party for him??" Uh?? What? I'm pretty sure my dad would want me to have a wedding since we're paying for it and he is more than geeked to walk me down the aisle and have our first dance. 

I just said ... no. I don't think he'd be ok with that. And then I got off the phone and have been crying ever since (about 3 hours now). I don't even want her at my wedding now because I'm tired of everyone being jerks to me about this wedding. I should be happy about planning this and everyone is making it more and more difficult.

emarston1

Oh hun, I think you need to just take a step back from wedding planning.  You seem extremely stressed out.  I agree that it was a weird comment and while I don't know the tone, it seems pretty harmless.  If she's close enough to you to be in your wedding party, I highly doubt there was any malicious intent behind her statement.

Just take a couple deep breaths and it will all be ok.  You're extremely stressed out and it's only making you miserable.  I know it's much easier said than done but you really just need to let those comments roll off your back.

:::hugs:::

Sue-n-Kevin

ITA with Liz. Take a step back. Put on hold any wedding planning for at least a week (if you can), relax, enjoy some quiet time away from the Knot, your emails, etc, and just chillax.

It sounds like you interpreted her comments as a criticism. I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. Sometimes the person we are talking to have other things on their minds and say things that they would not ordinarily say (if they knew how hurtful it sounded).

Generally retirement parties are thrown by the employer (if they even exist anymore in this world, LOL). If not, then you and your Mom or others can take him and close family members out to dinner after you find out what the company may be doing (my guess is nothing, but that's pretty negative and sarcastic)

I'm sure he wants nothing else but to be there for YOU on your day. It's a day most dads look forward to. My dad was 84 when he walked me down the aisle FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

Don't trouble yourself with her comments. Forget them and move on.

Good luck.

TheFutureMrsB81

I am very stressed out, but putting things on hold really won't help anything. I start school in 3 days and I just want things to go smoothly, and they're not. She was serious in what she said because when I mentioned it to my mom, the same thing was said to my mother by her. She thinks it's stupid I'm spending money on a wedding for me when I could be spending it on my dads retirement party.

She says things to hurt peoples feelings and doesn't even care. This isn't the first time she's said something hurtful and meant it to me. It's been a huge problem in our family in the past where she can't keep her snotty, unwanted comments to herself and therefore causing family issues. She wants people to do what she wants. She eloped, therefore she thinks everyone else should too.... except her sister. Who got married in Germany and was all for it because in her words "She finally gets to travel out of this hell hole and doesn't care about a stupid wedding".

But, I will be stepping back from wedding planning because as of right now, we're thinking about getting our deposits back and heading to Florida to get married with the people that WANT to celebrate with us.

Meegles4

There is a certain amount of "let it roll off your back" that needs to happen with this chick it sounds like, but I know how awful I am at doing that, so I know it's hard.

Tell her your father doesn't want a retirement party so why would you plan something he doesn't want? Bam. Issue deflated. I'd also have half a mind to tell her that if she really feels you should be eloping and doesn't agree with the wedding, perhaps she shouldn't be a part of it. But, in reality I probably don't have the cajones to say that. If you do, more power to you :-)

Klyn1983

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_rant-cousinbm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:4411cfcc-428b-448d-a8bc-9dc0e561884aPost:b619867a-1cf4-438a-a617-378c849fab13">Re: Rant about Cousin/BM</a>:
[QUOTE]I But, I will be stepping back from wedding planning because as of right now, we're thinking about getting our deposits back and heading to Florida to get married with the people that WANT to celebrate with us.
Posted by TheFutureMrsB81[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't give up your dream wedding because of a snotty unwanted comment from <strong>anyone</strong>. It's *your* day, you can have whoever you want there. And if she is causing you stress and anxiety, then uninvite her! </div><div>
</div><div>IMO, if you cancel everything and elope then she's going to think it's because of her words and she's going to just continue being nasty. Just take a deep breath, ask others for help with whatever is being difficult and have faith that it'll all work out in the end and fall into place. </div>

niobesmum

ok...maybe its just me....BUT somebody sounds a lil bit jealous that she actually didnt go thru all the planning of a wedding and just eloped. Oh well that was her choice. You stick to doing what you wanna do and if she cant be happy (i.e. keep her smart mouth to herself) then the hell with her.

Dont give up having a wedding because people want to act difficult. very easy to just squeeze them out and keep it moving. Stay positive!!!