No Children Invited

mlynn1223

Ok ladies, please give me your opinion.  We are having a no children wedding.  We specifically addressed the invitations and spread word of mouth that no children are invited.  I knew it would happen and sure enough we received our first RSVP which included a child.  Now, I would be more then happy to call them up and explain that no children are invited.  FI wants his mother to do it since it is her niece who is wanting to bring the child.  I also understand that The Knot suggests that we say "due to budget constraints" but that is lying and I do not feel comfortable with it.  We have the money.  We do not want children there.  Have any of you ladies had similar situations?  If yes, what did you do?  If you are thinking you might run into something similar what is your plan?  I was thinking I would let FMIL deal with it since I have never met these people but then I feel like I am running away from the problem.  Opinions please!

Sue-n-Kevin

I agree, it is up to the family member closest to the invited guest to make the call informing them that their child was not invited, unfortunately.

I'm also the type of person who thinks small white lies are ok...........but then, you have the guest who says "but I'LL pay for my kid", which deflates the balloon about budget.

The most common responses I've seen with the little white lie are "the reception venue has fire code issues/max capacity", and the budget issue is normally #2.

To keep things smooth with family members and friends, little white lies can help. If you feel totally against that and have to be honest, then the person (your mom, his mom, or you or him) who is closest needs to call that invited parent and inform them in a nice way: "I guess we thought the invitations were pretty clear, addressed to you Mr & Ms X, but forgive us if we were not really clear. The invitation was just to the two of you (or you). We hope you will understand. " Period. No need to elaborate. If the family member making the call feels the need to elaborate, then in the interest of family peace, I say let them. But under NO uncertain terms can they "buckle" under the pressure and say it's OK.

Good luck.

PS: for those of you who are newbies, there was a bride a couple of years ago who had RSVP issues coming out of her butt. She actually scanned and posted the responses where people wrote multiple ADULT'S names in, as well as kids. It was a real stitch every day getting on here when she was getting her RSVP's and reading the newest faux pas from her guests.

emarston1

I agree with Sue that I'd totally choose a little white lie rather than telling a parent, sorry we just don't want your brat at the wedding.  We didn't have this issue but I absolutely would have blamed maximum capacity of the venue. 

Do you trust your FMIL to lay down the law (in a nice way of course) and not bend to her friend?  Knowing my MIL, she probably would have given in so that wouldn't have been an option.

Klyn1983

Our response is going to be almost exactly like what Sue said: "I'm sorry you have misunderstood the invitation however <insert child(s) name here> is not invited to the festivities. This is an adult-only reception. We hope you can still join us in our celebration, however if you can't-you will be missed."

If people can get a babysitter to go out drinking or to the movies, they can get one to go to a wedding. 

sopraffina

You might also have FMIL mention that there won't be any other kids there, so "it wouldn't be appropriate" to make a child sit through that. She will probably protest that, but more ammunition never hurts.

I don't think it's necessary to lie about it. Just make sure she says it's an adult reception in general, nothing personal against her kid. She could also say, "If we allow one child, there are ten others who would be offended. To be fair to everyone, we're not allowing ANY children."

amandahugnkiss13

We did a no kids wedding - We designed our RSVP cards where they said "we have reserved ___ seats for you to join us for dinner and we pre-wrote the people's names who the seats were reserved for on the RSVP card so they could not add anyone. Not one person gave us any crap.