need advice on guest list

zulamay

Here's the rundown:

1. We have a space that seats up to 180 people.

2. We have 200 people on the guest list.

3. Most people are coming from out of town, but I'm guessing most of them will show up and can't count on distance as a barrier.

4. I work in a large office, and thought that only inviting my boss and my two direct co-workers would be enough.  They are included in the 200 on the list.

Here's the problem:  The office secretaries.  My personal admin assistant and I are not close and barely talk unless I need one.  It seems silly to invite her. I sat between two admin all of this year, and we have become friends. One is now retired, the other still works here.  Both are really excited about the wedding, and sorta have invited themselves.  If I invite one admin, I have to invite all of them - that means 6 more people to the guest list (including their spouses).  They all socialize outside of work and it will get around who is invited or who is not.

I wasn't planning on inviting any of them but since they keep asking about every single detail I don't know what to do.  I accidentally let it slip that I wasn't planning on inviting them and now I've hurt their feelings.  I don't know what to do.  

None of the save the dates or invites have gone out yet, so I still have time to actually invite them if I want to.   But I'm not sure what to do since the guest list is already 20 people over room capacity!

emarston1

Have you been actively discussing the wedding with them?  If yes, I would say invite them.  By talking about wedding stuff, people tend to assume they are invited because one shouldn't really discuss party stuff with people who aren't invited to the party (you know what I mean?)

That being said, if you haven't discussed the wedding with everyone, only invite the people you are closest with.  You are under no obligation to invite everyone from the office because a few are invited.

Is there anyone else you could cut?  Guests for single people, 4th cousins who you never see, anyone?

zulamay

We discuss EVERYTHING because ever since I stepped foot in the office with a ring all they do is ask about the wedding.  I stopped bringing it up, but they've asked to see photos of the dress, they've asked what my favors are, what the save the date is, etc. They ask these very specific questions so it's not something I can squirm out of with a vague answer.  The other thing they do is when I make calls to set up vendor appointments they start conversations with me about that....it's nuts. 

As far as other cuts...there are a few extended family members who won't show, but I'm already counting on that to cut the list. I already asked the parents to remove some extended family members who I can't put a face to a name, but I got the veto and they are paying.  

emarston1

ooh you are in a sticky spot.  I would just do what you are doing then, stop talking wedding stuff and hopefully in the next 6 months, it will die down.  I would try to stop making vendor calls (if at all possible) while they are around so that they can't strike up a conversation about it.  Remove the stimulus and they won't respond.

zulamay

It's really funny because as I read this they stopped by again and I was just sitting here minding my own business!  I think you're right, it will hopefully die down between now and September.  Work is exceptionally slow and everyone is bored.  It will pick back up second quarter and I will be out of the office half the time traveling for work.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Melgor78

It's hard sometimes when ppl ask questions and not to answer them.  I would stop offering any other info to them when they ask.  Maybe just say we haven't decided yet or I'm not sure and leave it at that.   Sometimes if someone who wasn't invited was around when ppl were asking questions I would say that we were having a small wedding or were trying to keep the guest list to a min and we can only invite so many ppl or we have such a big family.  don't make it a point  to tell them but if our can squeeze it in.  But don't feel obligated to invite anyone especially if you haven't given them any reason to believe the've been invited.  Feelings might be hurt but there'll get over it.  Also don't talk about any other pre wedding parties, like showers or bachlorette around them

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_need-advice-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:4879b339-ae36-4c64-990e-730d07c52075Post:702a2a74-5cee-4f5f-a40d-581a59ada68a">Re: need advice on guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>We discuss EVERYTHING because ever since I stepped foot in the office with a ring all they do is ask about the wedding.</strong>  I stopped bringing it up, but they've asked to see photos of the dress, they've asked what my favors are, what the save the date is, etc. They ask these very specific questions so it's not something I can squirm out of with a vague answer.  The other thing they do is when I make calls to set up vendor appointments they start conversations with me about that....it's nuts.  As far as other cuts...there are a few extended family members who won't show, but I'm already counting on that to cut the list. I already asked the parents to remove some extended family members who I can't put a face to a name, but I got the veto and they are paying.  
Posted by zulamay[/QUOTE]


FYI: Just because they ask about wedding stuff doesn't mean the assume theyre invited.  I talk about wedding stuff with engaged co-workers and professional contacts all  the time.  I do not assume I'm invited becaue they share their wedding plans with me.  I would hope the would not assume I'm trying to invite myself by showing an interest in their wedding plans either.  I think you will be OK not inviting them, and if they ask just tell them you're on a budget and you'd love to host everyone but it's just not possible.