Guest List Drama

maryannaltawil

Here's some background - My Fiance's aunt/Godmother has been a total wench to him INTENTIONALLY.  The most recent incident was Christmas when she made it a point to give EVERYONE but him a gift and made sure to do it when he was present.  She is still close to his ex-wife and tries to pry information about us out of anyone that she can so that she can share it with the ex.

My Fiance does not want to invite his aunt, but his mother is pressuring him because she says that her mother (Grandma) will be upset and "it will kill her."  Obviously, we know that the latter is not true, but WHAT DO WE DO????

I completely agree with him and I don't want someone to come around only to gather information for a psychotic ex-wife.

Lakerchic7272

Its your wedding. Don't invite her.

Knottie1435582995

Ditto.

It's your wedding.  It's your day to celebrate with those YOU love.  If you don't want someone there then don't invite them.  Any if anyone asks why, tell them the truth.  That's what I'd so at least.

emily1004

This is going to sound harsh...sorry.

Plain and Simple.... DO NOT INVITE HER! This is your day, and nothing should rune it.  You and your FI obviously don't want her there. Your FI needs to have a talk with his mother and grandmother, and tell them his reason for not inviting his aunt. 

I had a simialer incident with my FIs uncle. My FI tried everything to make things right with him, but he insisted it was his way or the highway. The final straw came when he said some pretty unkind things about me. (BTW, The man has only met me a few times) Guess what? We sent him packing. He is not invited to the wedding and if he dares to show up, he will be escorted out by security. 

Kelki

She sounds like a real meanie! I'd just drop the subject with the family and not invite her.  My FI's cousin had a very similar problem with her wedding, and Gma didn't die.  In fact she is alive and well and still complaining about it

Julz629

Who is paying?  If you're paying, cut her, no questions asked.  If FIL's parents are paying, you may want to consider inviting her, but perhaps giving FMIL a heads up about what's been going on.  As horrible as she has been, I doubt she'll be able to do anything to ruin your big day and you probably won't even notice her.

Knottie1435582995

It sounds to me like it might be less about the day of and more about the drama that will occur between FI and the ex-wife after the wedding.

My FI's baby's momma was not invited for the exact same reason.  We did not want to deal with the drama that would later occur because of what did and did not happen and who was invited, and how we paid for this/that, etc.  Maybe I'm wrong

boogerbearoriginal

If you and FI don't want her invited then don't invite her.

scarywife1026

You could invite her & shove it in her face how happy the two of you are & how amazing the wedding is. That'll give her something to tell the ex & shove it up her @$$. Apparently I've got some anger issues today....lol

aprillm730

If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, his mom gets no say.  She's a big girl, she'll get over it.

If she's paying.... I'd sit her down and have a chit chat about what exactly is happening and take it from there.

boogerbearoriginal

IMO whether or not she's paying doesn't mean she gets to dictate the details of the wedding. My Mom bought my wedding dress but she didn't TELL me I had to buy a dress I didn't like.

Granted - if she's paying that typically comes with strings, ie she gets to voice her opinions. However, its still the wedding ceremony between you & FI. Therefore I don't see why FI should be FORCED to invite a person who is out-an-out rude to him and he doesn't want there.

Keep in mind some parents feel that if they pay then they DO dictate the details down to the guest list. IF that's the case, you and FI need to decide if those strings are something you can accept.

Francesvm

Family or not, I think your wedding is about surrounding yourself with people that LOVE you two and SUPPORT you two. So, if she is unable to be an adult and respect his life decisions, then I don't see why it would be necessary to invite her. We support you ~ Show your FMIL all of our posts so she can see what objective people think :-) Good Luck!!!

SonaliPop

It is your wedding. Not anyone elses. Do not let it become a miserable day. You want to look out and see the people that support you. Granted you'll probably be so happy and so excited that you won't notice but a part of you may feel uncomfortable that she may be there for the wrong reasons. Do not invite this woman and explain it to the people who may be hurt as a result.

maryannaltawil

Wow.  Thank you all so much for your input. 

We are actually paying for the wedding ourselves, which is exactly why I don't think my fiance's mother should have a say-so in the situation, but my fiance is the type of person who will do anything just to keep the peace...except for this situation, and that's why I know it really bothers him.

I'm giving the save the dates to my future mother-in-law to mail to her side of the family.  Is this dangerous, considering she may mail one to the unwanted guest???  Ugh, we should've eloped!

Julz629

In Response to <a href="http://detroit.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_guest-list-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:5172023c-c772-4fd3-9659-1a3aed8e169bPost:c50b547c-0840-499d-9544-c33a14ea1eaf">Re: Guest List Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm giving the save the dates to my future mother-in-law to mail to her side of the family.  Is this dangerous, considering she may mail one to the unwanted guest???  Ugh, we should've eloped!
Posted by maryannaltawil[/QUOTE]

I would ask her for the addresses and mail them yourself.  Just in case.