Wedding Theme and Culture Shock? :(

HanayomeToBe

Hi all!!

I am a young bride-to-be. My wedding is currently planned to be for 2012. My
family is very excited about my engagement to my fiance and the wedding that is
coming up. I am also excited and I have already decided on the "theme" of my
dream wedding. If there were three words to describe my wedding it would be
these:

1. Classy
2. Elegant
3. Japan

I have had a love for Japanese culture (traditional and contemporary) since I
was twelve-years-old. I would love to incorporate these beautiful elements of
culture into my wedding without going over the top. My fiance is for the idea
but there are some problems that I am afraid I will run into sooner or later.
They involve my family and this theme. We are not of any Asian descent. We are
African-American. I am afraid that my family will try to dissuade me from what I
want to try and make themselves more comfortable. While I am okay with
conforming to my family's needs, I would love to have the wedding of my dreams.
I do not know what to expect with telling them about my Japanese fantasy.

If they understand where I am coming from and they seem alright with it. I would
be happy. But how do I properly handle hesitation or opposition from family
members who may disagree with my ideas?

Also, this question is slightly off the topic but sort of on too...what colors
do you suggest that we use for such a wedding? Please keep in mind that bright
pink and purple are out. My fiance seems to think that they are too feminine.

Thank you so much for your advice!

Knottie1435582995

I didn't vote because none of those options seem to apply, but I was wondering if you could incorporate the Japanese theme without your family really realizing it?

A friend of mine got married 2 years ago, and her husband is very much like you.  He loves everything Japan and wanted to incorporate the culture into the wedding.  So, they decided to incorporate Japanese elements.  For example, they used Japanese cherry blossoms as accents to the decor.  The cherry blossoms were on their invitations as well as the cake.  They also tried to use Japanese flowers, or flowers that looked very similar (as some of the authentic flowers were very expensive).  Her husband even gave all of his groomsmen authentic Japanese samurai swords for their gifts.  Oh and for the record, their colors were green & brown.

mybestfriendsfuturemrs

All that matters is that you and FI agree on the theme. No matter what your backgrounds are.

Kelki

I'm with melhunny, just don't tell them your theme is inspired by Japanese culture. While I agree with the sentiment that it is your day, family members don't always adhere to that idea and everyone has an opinion. If you think they will not like it, the less they know the better.

kkbrown7023

There are unique things that we all have to deal with... and some families will think one thing and we may be thinking another!  I would just know what you want, how you want to acknowledge your family/cultural customs and then as soon as plans are announced, announce your expectations.  I.e.  Mom- we're having a japanese themed wedding and we want for you and other family members to enjoy this process with us and not stress out :-)  I started looking at a few japanese themed weddings and besides the decor (which is beautiful by the way)  it surely won't take away from any traditions your family may be concerned about :-)   Im including a few pics of what I found.

My family has only had county court house weddings & they truly cannot understand why I am having what they consider to be an all out grand wedding.........

kristinandbill

I agree with previous posters - I think you can incorporate these decorations without really coming out and saying that it's Japanese inspired. 

It's a different situation but for example, when decorating my living room I shopped around and pulled things together.  There is a lot of orange in the room.  I found paper lanterns and different decorations that I liked.  Once I got them all in the room I realized the room had a slight Japanese feeling to it - but that wasn't my intent - I just bought things that I liked.  What if your wedding was similar? 

Francesvm

OMG! I was so excited when I read your POST! I'm living in Japan and theres one other knottie here as well who lived in Japan for a time as well.

As for dealing with your family and the rest of the world for that matter...everyone is going to have opinions...even people you didn't think would. People get excited about weddings and want to share their knowledge & opinions with you. If someone tries to suggest for you to go in another direction with different ideas just kindle say you hadn't thought about X idea and you would keep it in mind. Stick with what makes you happy...really, this day is for you and your fiance.

Colors for Japan....I think of pink & brown but I see he doesn't like pink...maybe you could do red, black and gold or just red and black. 

I agree the Sakura which is the Japanese cherry blossom would be a great element to incorporate. Vistaprint has invites with a cherry blossom type feel to them and you shouldn't have any trouble finding centerpieces using branches and cherry blossoms. You could do chopsticks as favors which might be cute if you liked it. I also just saw a post on intimateweddings.com which showed non-traditional items for bridesmaids to carry down the isle instead of flowers...one of which were fans. You could get beautiful Japanese fans made of lace in the colors of your choosing for your girls to have and/or carry. May be cheaper than flowers. Parasols are also extremely popular here in the summer. Most I've seen here have lace and pretty details & are a little more intricate than your typical parasol in whatever color....good luck! 

Let us know what you come up with!!!

Julz629

This post made me dizzy to read...

But in response to your concerns, I agree with PPs.  You don't have to come out and say "our theme is JAPAN" but you can incorporate it in other ways.

Julz629

I didn't vote, but if I did, I would have selected 2 or 3 (since they're the same).

emarston1

I didn't vote either because I don't feel like any of the options really pertained to my opinion.

Who is paying?  If family members are contributing, they get a say.  "He who pays, says."  So if you and your fiance are footing the bill yourselves, do whatever your little hearts desire.  However, if your families are helping, they do get an opinion.

ETA:  I just have to say it makes me laugh when brides describe their wedding as "classy" or "elegant."  Not that there's anything wrong with doing so but it makes me wonder if they think people won't think it's classy or elegant unless they specifically mention that it will be.

"Oh I'm glad you told me it was a classy wedding otherwise I thought it would be a redneck wedding.  Thanks for the clarification!"  Just makes me chuckle to myself.

cmkuno

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-theme-culture-shock?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:60b7d41d-8680-4ccc-b878-60475ee56163Post:087e8ee7-cdd4-40d7-b573-b67cf5f36880">Re: Wedding Theme and Culture Shock? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't vote because none of those options seem to apply, but I was wondering if you could incorporate the Japanese theme without your family really realizing it?
Posted by melhunny[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is EXACTLY what I was thinking before I even read the responses.  </div><div>
</div><div>There are a lot of subtle ways to bring in those Asian influences you love without declaring your wedding to be a "Japanese" theme.  Pick out the colors you love, the styles you love...you don't need to explain yourself to anyone!  It is your wedding after all. :)</div><div>
</div><div>Now if your family or FI's family are helping you pay for the wedding, you do owe it to them to compromise on some things - that's only fair.  Even if they're not paying for much, I think it's good practice to be respectful of their feelings.  But this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and it should be what you and your FI want.  

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