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Confessions/Vents

Re: Confessions/Vents

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    edited December 2011
    I am SO excited to marry my fiance...like, beyond excited.  But it also bothers me a lot that we're spending so much money on one day!  Although the majority was a gift from our parents, it still bugs me that we're spending their money like this.  So I told him last night at dinner that I wish we could have just eloped (I've actually told him this since we met, that I didn't want a big wedding bc I'd rather spend the money on traveling the world with him) and he FLIPPED and said that I am selfish and that this was about bringing our families together and how I don't want to meet his family.  But I do want to meet his family!  I love his family and I want to meet everyone, but I wish we could get married privately with just our parents and then come home and have an inexpensive BBQ.  This was totally unacceptable to him, and now he's just giving me a guilt trip about how I'm selfish.  I feel like this is supposed to be OUR day, yet we have to plan this party and pay for it and make sure that everyone else has a great time while I'm stressing for a year thinking about it.  Also, I have said to both his mother and my mother that I don't want a wedding shower bc I feel uncomfortable being the center of attention, and that if I had to have a shower, I'd rather no games because I have never enjoyed those bridal games.  Well, his mother is now throwing me TWO showers WITH games and my mom is doing the same and told me to "suck it up and do it for the guests."  Again, I thought this was OUR day??

    I'm just so frustrated because it's not like I'm doing the opposite and demanding a huge expensive wedding and all of these showers and gifts and games.  I just want to marry my best friend, and I wish we could just do it quietly.  We already rented the reception site, got the dj, and the church so there is no turning back now, but I wish he would understand a little bit of my frustration.  We're getting married, aren't you supposed to be able to vent to your husband when you're upset?
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    edited December 2011
    I hate my job!!!

    I have worked at my job for over 10 years. I really am grateful for it and have always loved my job. However, with in the past three month I have grown to hate it. In these past months we have gotten two new people who have completely changed the dynamic of our office. There is always some sort of drama going on and it is just always unpleasant. The girl that I share an office with and I have always been semi close and chatty. Now she is super close with one of the new girls and barely speaks to me. I can't take the petty drama anymore.

    I really wanted to look for a new job but they have talked about moving FI for his job in the next year and a half. I don't want to start a new job right before the wedding and then also have to leave it because of his job.
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    edited December 2011
    Aloisk -- I'm right there with you! I think it's ridiculous how much money is being spent on our wedding. And while I'm excited... there are just some moments that you're supposed to experience (or so I thought) as a bride and I just don't see myself experiencing them. For example - the whole "beautiful princess" thing. I think I'm somewhat good looking - but I also think that society has a warped image of beauty and brides are supposed to lose weight, tan their skin, color their hair, and whiten their teeth for their big day. WHY? If I don't look like that normally, why do I want pictures of the day I looked so fake? 

    I'm pretty outgoing - and I love to laugh and have a good time - but when it comes to me and my life... I prefer to be personal. I don't share my feelings often because that's just how I am. I love FI and don't mind expressing that but I would prefer to just go elope. (Sidenote: I get really annoyed with people declaring their love MULTIPLE TIMES on FB statuses. Once every now and then... fine... you're in a good mood. All the time? STOP IT.) I just don't think I deserve the PPD with all the bells and whistles. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, that's just how I feel about life. (I'm smiling while typing this, I promise!) 

    Oh... and speaking of the "PPD" and whatnot. I watched 4 Weddings for the first time yesterday and I was disappointed. The girl that spent the most money and had the stereotypical wedding won the honeymoon. I mean, I guess that's what the crowd likes but I was bummed out. 

    Sorry that was kinda long - I promise I'm EXCITED to get married and just yesterday I was reading over the day-of timeline and felt tears of joy about to come out, but I KNOW that nobody cares as much about my wedding as I DO and therefore part of me doesn't see the point to pay for these people to get drunk and party. FWIW - I sometimes feel like this at Christmas time when people are "missing the real reason of Christmas". People like to party, I get that. I just have different priorities. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_confessionsvents-62?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:77a36c10-b2f0-4d54-9066-d00070c4f1d1Post:3c5d9165-bb7b-4681-9c98-445a8a1a2845">Re: Confessions/Vents</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh... and speaking of the "PPD" and whatnot. I watched 4 Weddings for the first time yesterday and I was disappointed. The girl that spent the most money and had the stereotypical wedding won the honeymoon. I mean, I guess that's what the crowd likes but I was bummed out.  Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

    I watch this show sometimes and I can not get over how mean the girls are to each other. You couldn't pay me money to go on there!!!
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    acaponi87acaponi87 member
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    edited December 2011
    Confession: I didn't work today because I started my P today and I wanted to sleep in. Plus I've got a ton of domestic and wedding tasks that need to get done. HAHA I win! It feels greatttttttt
    June 16, 2012
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    Meegles4Meegles4 member
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    edited December 2011
    aloisk -- welcome to the wonderful world of wedding planning! My FI and I joke that the day is most decidedly NOT our day. Sure, at first I wanted the big wedding and fancy dinner but now that I see the budget, I freak out at every turn about how much is being spent on just that day. My FI doesn't totally understand where I'm coming from -- in his mind this is one of the most important days of our lives and that makes it OK to spend the money. We're not going into debt, so as long as we can afford it, who cares?

    Unfortunately, weddings are about bringing families and personalities together and for all the good that it does, it can also be tremendously stressful because you're merging different personalities. It's a lot of compromise and a lot of sucking it up and biting your tongue to avoid a family feud or hurt feelings. You're not alone, and your feelings likely won't go away until the wedding has come and gone.

    I'd talk to your mom about your feelings and see if she can temper some of the crazy-ness on that side of the family. As for the FMIL, if you can get your FI to see your side of things, have him talk to her. Otherwise, just smile and be grateful and remember that after it's all over, you'll be married. Focus on that instead of all the lead-up.

    And plan a kick-a$$ honeymoon to give you something else to look forward to -- and a much needed break from all the crazy family!
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    MMRoberts11MMRoberts11 member
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    edited December 2011
    Confession:  I've been feeling really lazy lately and just tired.  I think I'm pushing myself too hard again and need to back off but I don't think I have enough time to take a day off and do nothing. 
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    edited December 2011

    confession: i didnt relaize how fast the wedding was coming up, i havent even asked my bridesmaids yet. when did you ladies ask them?

    vent: i am so sick of people not wanting to pay there bills at work it gets a little annoying so i usually save collections for friday so i can go drink afterwards :)

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_confessionsvents-62?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:77a36c10-b2f0-4d54-9066-d00070c4f1d1Post:212ea168-843a-47f9-9720-af703bc8d7c5">Re: Confessions/Vents</a>:
    [QUOTE]confession: i didnt relaize how fast the wedding was coming up, i havent even asked my bridesmaids yet. when did you ladies ask them? vent: i am so sick of people not wanting to pay there bills at work it gets a little annoying so i usually save collections for friday so i can go drink afterwards :)
    Posted by lesley909[/QUOTE]

    You're not that far behind.  It actually is recommended that you ask them between 6 and 9 months because relationships change, just hang out on the Etiquette and Wedding Party boards for a couple hours, people constantly ask how to kick out a bridesmaid because they just aren't as close as they were before.  With that being said, I asked at 10 months, right after I got engaged.  Luckily it strengthened all 3 relationships and I would still pick the exact same people if I got engaged today.
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    edited December 2011
    Confession:  I am more excited about moving back to Grand Haven in less than 2 weeks than I am about the wedding. It makes me feel terrible, but oh well.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_confessionsvents-62?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:77a36c10-b2f0-4d54-9066-d00070c4f1d1Post:b2d0b98a-5347-478a-9bab-7baaa533dffd">Re: Confessions/Vents</a>:
    [QUOTE]Confession:  I am more excited about moving back to Grand Haven in less than 2 weeks than I am about the wedding. It makes me feel terrible, but oh well.
    Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]

    We're moving to the Grand Rapids area at the end of next month/begining of December. I totally understand how you feel. We put an offer in on a house last week and will hopefully know where we stand by Friday. I've been so wrapped up in being excited about moving that wedding planning has taken a backseat for now. :)

    Confession: Like a few others before me, I also HATE my job. I have less than a month left, which I thought would make the everday pettiness and drama more tolerable, but I've found it's harder and harder to go with each day that passes. Right now I'm on my last day off before tackling 5 days on in a row and I'm so not looking forward to it. I've seriously considered asking FI if I can just be done now!! We could swing it financially but it wouldn't be optimal. *SIGH* Let the mental pep talks begin...it's going to be a long 5 days. COME ON NEXT TUESDAY!!!
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    Meegles4Meegles4 member
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    edited December 2011
    Confession: I'm totally jealous of all you ladies who are moving. FI and I are trying to move and are only hoping to move a few blocks -- or even in his current building. And we're really struggling to find a place that's a) available and b) in our budget.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_confessionsvents-62?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:77a36c10-b2f0-4d54-9066-d00070c4f1d1Post:6faf7e5a-a7a6-41f1-b02e-4748e6e84a44">Re: Confessions/Vents</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions/Vents : We're moving to the Grand Rapids area at the end of next month/begining of December. I totally understand how you feel. We put an offer in on a house last week and will hopefully know where we stand by Friday. I've been so wrapped up in being excited about moving that wedding planning has taken a backseat for now. :) Confession: Like a few others before me, I also HATE my job. I have less than a month left, which I thought would make the everday pettiness and drama more tolerable, but I've found it's harder and harder to go with each day that passes. Right now I'm on my last day off before tackling 5 days on in a row and I'm so not looking forward to it. I've seriously considered asking FI if I can just be done now!! We could swing it financially but it wouldn't be optimal. *SIGH* Let the mental pep talks begin...it's going to be a long 5 days. COME ON NEXT TUESDAY!!!
    Posted by amyl9[/QUOTE]

    Yay! I'm glad your move worked out too! I know you've been talking about it for a bit because it always made me jealous :)  I lived in Grand Rapids for a bit too, and love both GR and GH.  My job is also more annoying because I know I only have 5 1/2 shifts left.  I truly considered telling them I was not coming back after the wedding, but that would cost me a few hundred in bonus money I've already earned if I don't work a single day in November.  So, I'm going back for a few days next week.
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    edited December 2011
    Allycat--Thank you!!! Actually, we got a call from our realtor tonite and "unofficially" we are getting the house we put an offer on!!! The house is actually in Middleville, which is about 40 mins SE of downtown GR. Our good friend lives over in Grand Haven though...we liked the area but surprisingly we couldn't find any houses over that way. :( Yay for the west side!!!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_confessionsvents-62?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:77a36c10-b2f0-4d54-9066-d00070c4f1d1Post:ab1a7b1d-8d7d-4d37-9b2a-7d0474b85d8b">Re: Confessions/Vents</a>:
    [QUOTE]Allycat--Thank you!!! Actually, we got a call from our realtor tonite and "unofficially" we are getting the house we put an offer on!!! The house is actually in Middleville, which is about 40 mins SE of downtown GR. Our good friend lives over in Grand Haven though...we liked the area but surprisingly we couldn't find any houses over that way. :( Yay for the west side!!!
    Posted by amyl9[/QUOTE]

    Congratulations on the house!!! There are actually not many houses for sale in Grand Haven right now, we will be renting for another year or two and hopefully then we will find a good house out there.
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