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To add or not to add a bridesmaid? kind of long!

Hello! I have been a long time lurker and always wanted to post but have not until now.  I added my info to the new here. Quick run down my name is Katie, I am getting married 10/12/12!! So, I picked my sister as my MOH and my long time friend as my other BM pretty much right away last year when we were engaged (we were engaged Sept 2010 and his parents asked us to wait so they could help pay).  Over the last year, I have become super close to one of my friends. She married my FH bestfriend about 18 months ago.  Before they were married we werent so close but lately she is almost like my best friend.  I did not stand up in her wedding since we were not close at the time. However, her husband is standing up for my FH.  I have had guilt about her standing up in my wedding lately. Then when we were out Friday night she brought it up, she wishes we were closer when she got married because she would have wanted me to be in her wedding. So, I started to feel even more guilty.  I talked to my Mom about it and she is like it is to late to ask (even though we have a year to go).  Also, she is trying to get pregnant and my Mom is worried that will be in issue. Lastly, she said oh yea she will understand if she does not stand up. However, I still feel super guilty.  My FH would know of someone else to ask to match up.  I just dont know what to do?? Do I talk to her about it since she kind of brought it up? Or just let it go because she understands like my Mom says?? Thanks for the help!! Ps. I am super excited that I finally posted instead of always lurking!
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Re: To add or not to add a bridesmaid? kind of long!

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    mcmeghan311mcmeghan311 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'd say that the pregnancy would be the deciding factor for me.  If they do get pregnant, they will be very busy with their own lives at the time of your wedding.  She may not have the time, energy or motivation to be a bridesmaid if shes late in her pregnancy or has an infant at the time of your wedding.  Don't mistake what I'm saying, I have NO problem with pregnant bridesmaids like some people do, I'm just concerned that she won't be as eager to stand up if shes preggers or just had a baby.  Since she's not yet pregnant, it would also be difficult to get her a dress since you don't know if or how far pregnant she'll be at the time of your big day.  It really is ultimately up to you, but the pregnancy issue is the only real concern I see with the whole thing.  If your wedding is almost a year away, it's not "too late" to ask.
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    acaponi87acaponi87 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hmm I don't think the pregnancy thing is a big issue.
    However I don't think you said once in that post that you WANT her to be a bridesmaid, just that you feel guilty like you should.

    If you want her to be next to you when you get married go for it! If not, like you said, she understands, no biggie! :)
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_add-not-add-bridesmaid-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:93137b40-b833-43f4-9971-6cc0276ac9fePost:2ce6c691-3f76-4c9f-b4b9-2cc724f8d7f0">Re: To add or not to add a bridesmaid? kind of long!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd say that the pregnancy would be the deciding factor for me.  If they do get pregnant, they will be very busy with their own lives at the time of your wedding.  She may not have the time, energy or motivation to be a bridesmaid if shes late in her pregnancy or has an infant at the time of your wedding.  Don't mistake what I'm saying, I have NO problem with pregnant bridesmaids like some people do, I'm just concerned that she won't be as eager to stand up if shes preggers or just had a baby.  Since she's not yet pregnant, it would also be difficult to get her a dress since you don't know if or how far pregnant she'll be at the time of your big day.  It really is ultimately up to you, but the pregnancy issue is the only real concern I see with the whole thing.  If your wedding is almost a year away, it's not "too late" to ask.
    Posted by mcmeghan311[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with this completely.  The only "time, energy, or motivation" needed to be a bridesmaid is to show up at the wedding in a dress.  There are no other commitments.  And if she can't make the wedding because she has the baby too close to it, that's no big deal. She'll just be listed in the program, and everyone will understand.

    Back to OP's point...I'm normally against asking people much later than you asked everyone else.  However, since it sounds like the relationship has changed a lot since you asked your other bridesmaids (and also, you asked your other bridesmaids earlier than people on here would recommend - for this reason, exactly), I think asking her is ok if you want to.  As far as adding the groomsman - be careful about that.  There's no need for sizes to be "even," and asking him so much later (if the relationship isn't a relatively new one, like with this bridesmaid), you risk making him feel "second tier" (since he is).

    ETA: Also, WELCOME.  AND CONGRATS.
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    missmelanie81missmelanie81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dont think the pregnancy is an issue...or for me at least it wouldnt be. One of my bridesmaids (who is married to the best man) is trying to get pregnant right now. It doesnt bother me at all. If you feel like you would want her to be in the wedding then go for it....but like someone else said, in your post you never mentioned you WANTED her...just that you fekt guilty.
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    kolsen737kolsen737 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for the help! I like how it was mentioned that I felt guilty and I never said I wanted her. It got me thinking a lot. I would def. want her to stand up but how I subconsciously never mentioned it was a good pick up.  It is something that I need to do some thinking more about, and appreciate your help!
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