NWR: I'm having a HORRIBLE morning...

someone tell me something *really* funny to cheer me up.

Re: NWR: I'm having a HORRIBLE morning...

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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have a few issues with FBIL's GF...namely that she cried when we got engaged and has been obviously bitter towards our wedding as a result of the fact that she wishes she was the one getting married.  My mom and sister have heard numerous stories and wanted a face to put to the stories -- I finally got a picture of her so I sent it to them and my mom's reply was, "Oh my … different than I expected (and not for the better)."  I laughed out loud.  I am so going to hell.
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    edited December 2011
    I've gotcha covered. Smile

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm as these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there..

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
    the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney? 
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people..

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
    the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
    law somewhere.
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    weddingcourtweddingcourt member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't know if this is REALLY Funny but it made me laugh :)

    I was in a wedding this weekend. The brides colors were green and brown and the BM dresses were a deep chocolate brown. I have known the bride since 8th and we have been told we look a lot alike. She even used my older sister's ID before she was 21. Anyway, she has some pretty out of control relatives which made for an interesting night. At the reception her great aunt who was wearing a bright blue sequence homecoming type dress grabbed and kissed me and told me she was looking for me all night. I was completely confused so I just smiled and went with it, I didn't want to hurt her feelings :) So she brings me back to her family where they all politely tell her I am not the bride that she has been pursuing all night and that she can find her in the big white dress! She just smiled, kissed me, patted me on the butt, then walked away to the dance floor in her dancing glory. I just smiled at her table and walked away...it was so bizarre! I then told the bride she should really go visit her aunt :)
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    edited December 2011
    LMAO, thanks girls.  That definitely helped.  I'm still smiling :)

    Julie -- don't you love when that happens?  I think I love your mom already!

    Carolyn -- there's our lawyering minds again.  I almost peed my pants at the "Did you actually pass the bar exam?" one. 

    Courtney -- that's priceless.  I'm assuming the mix-up and needing to be reminded of the "big white dress" was due to intoxication?
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think my funny story tops those...I'm seriously LOL at my desk right now.  But here's another one:

    I was walking my 18month old puppy (who is beginning to mature and is constantly "excited" if you know what I mean) in the park the other day and some little girls came up to pet him.  As they were petting him one girl goes, "OHHH I think he has to poop, I see a little red thing starting to come out!"  I had no idea how to answer that one, I didnt really think it was appropriate for me to explain what was really going on!!
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