Trouble from just about everyone

sbehn123

Hi I have waited for my day for 8years now and I thought it was suposed to be a happy time. My mother who offered to help pay cannot my father who payed for everything in my sister wedding 3 years ago has only helped with maybe a deposit of 1/4 of the hall of the cost. PLus to top it all off my bridesmaids (well only 3 of them I have 5) seem like they do not need to be bother but they all have time to plan a bachorlette party I do not want.  That's not even the half of it. My mom does not like the hall, the church, my dress plus my soon to be mother in law has been at every appointment to make plans I have asked my mom and she never wants to come. My wedding is March 26, 2011 the major issues are tken care. I am completey stressed.  I want this day to go by smoothly should I just start not asking for everyone help or ideas and just ask the ones who are willing to help? Please tell me what to do ?

corinne2010

1) you should only be booking what you and your FI can afford. Did your dad say he would help you or did you assume he would because he paid for your sisters? Three years ago, things were just getting bad. Maybe he was more financially stable then. I don't think you can really complain about that. Be thankful he paid for a deposit, if that's all he can pay for.

2) so what if your mom doesn't like some of the stuff you chose. It's not her wedding, its YOUR and FI's wedding.

3) the only person that is going to be excited about your wedding is you and FI. Your BM don't necessarily have to be involved. While it is nice, they don't have to do anything except for show up on the day of the wedding.

4) why don't you want a bachelorette party? I would say be gracious and accept the fact that they want to throw this party for you!

5) if you're looking for ideas or help, you've come to the right place. The Knot is a great resource to use. I love my mom and my BM, but there's just some things they don't get excited about so I come on here to talk about it. And that's ok with me.

I wouldn't get stressed. It's too early for that! Take one day at a time and work on one thing if that helps.

cmkuno

Your situation is more common than you think.  I've been on these boards for a long time, and there are many brides out there (including me!) going through exactly what you are!  Relax, take a deep breath -- your wedding is still a long ways out, people may come around before then.   

I also didn't have anyone helping me plan the wedding (besides FI, when I made him).  And you CAN do this on your own!  While it would be great to have a mother and bridesmaids involved, there's no rule that says they have to be.  Get your fiance involved, plan the wedding that makes the two of you happy, and just hope everyone else shows up on wedding day.  That's all you can do!

japow1984

It's SO much easier to do things on your own, in my opinion. Too many cooks in the kitchen ends up being a bad thing. It's your wedding you should know what you want. Run things by your FI, mine ended up being pretty into all of this wedding stuff.  When I first started planning I hoped my bridesmaids would be involved. Now I really don't care if they help(ed) me.  All they need to do is show up on the day of the wedding in their dresses. Everything else is optional. Expect the bare minimum and if they do more, cool.  The previous posters are right, come to these boards. You get so many great ideas. I mostly just lurk, but you learn so much. Plus, your wedding is far enough away that you can do everything yourself. Do some research and make a list of things you want to do yourself, and just start knocking out projects. You can do it. Don't let the bridesmaid thing get you down. Everyone has their own life.

As for your family, they end up coming around. My original wedding date was New Years Eve and my mom and grandma had a fit. By the time we decided to bump the wedding up to October, they were sad that we wern't doing it on New Years Eve. So just give your mom a little time. Everything will work out. The less you obsess and stress about what is going to happen. The better this time in your life will be. Just go with the flow.

Gwenwhyfare

Ditto PP. Your wedding should be how you want it and if others want to make suggestions, listen, but you don't have to do everything everyone else says. Our original wedding date was 10/2/2010, but FI's Uncle made a big stink about not being able to come if our wedding is in October. So, we changed our date, colors, etc. Turns out, said Uncle will probably not even come.

Try not to stress out too much. You have time to figure this out and we're here to help.

stebbe81

Ditto what everyone said.   At the end of the day you need to make yourself happy with what your wedding is.  Do you like all the things that your mom doesn't?  As long as you and your FI like it that's what matters.  

Also just like other posters said my mom criticized everything I planned but in retrospect she was telling me yesterday she loved everything and wouldn't have changed a thing.  Take a small vacation from planning it will help you relax a little.  Good luck! 

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_trouble-just-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:ac1fa690-c9b4-4bc8-a6ef-74f8283f10e3Post:3007116c-9786-4223-a3ab-3da301fc403e">Re: Trouble from just about everyone</a>:
[QUOTE]1) you should only be booking what you and your FI can afford. Did your dad say he would help you or did you assume he would because he paid for your sisters? Three years ago, things were just getting bad. Maybe he was more financially stable then. I don't think you can really complain about that. Be thankful he paid for a deposit, if that's all he can pay for. 2) so what if your mom doesn't like some of the stuff you chose. It's not her wedding, its YOUR and FI's wedding. 3) the only person that is going to be excited about your wedding is you and FI. Your BM don't necessarily have to be involved. While it is nice, they don't have to do anything except for show up on the day of the wedding. 4) why don't you want a bachelorette party? I would say be gracious and accept the fact that they want to throw this party for you! 5) if you're looking for ideas or help, you've come to the right place. The Knot is a great resource to use. I love my mom and my BM, but there's just some things they don't get excited about so I come on here to talk about it. And that's ok with me. I wouldn't get stressed. It's too early for that! Take one day at a time and work on one thing if that helps.
Posted by corinne2010[/QUOTE]

Co-signed by Liz.  I couldn't have put it better myself.