MOH Rant

hoangie

Where to begin? I possibly have the world's worst MOH! So my MOH is my sister, my one and only sibling, you would think she would be happy that her younger sister is about to get married right? WRONG!

Granted my sister and I have never truly gotten along. But, I had hoped that by making her my MOH, it would bring us closer together and possibly start a new, friendly, relationship for us. Boy was I wrong. From day one, all she wanted to know was "who is paying for this?" When we picked out dresses for my bridesmaids, she threw a hissy fit (yes my thirty something year old big sis threw a hissy fit) about paying for her dress so I ended up paying for it.

She asked what MOH's duties were since she has never been one, and I told her plan the shower, bachelorette party & help me out with odds and ends. She then asked how she would plan all of this, and I said you can Google whatever you want & research it. 

Long story short, she hasn't planned a thing!!! Luckily one of my bridesmaids offered to plan my bachelorette party for me. But it's now less than a month away and I have no shower planned because of course my MOH wants to know who's going to pay for the shower? Apparently it won't be her!!! She still hasn't given me any ideas, themes, or asked me anything about my shower besides who's going to pay? So I'm going to somehow plan my own shower... KILL ME!!!!!!!

I want to tell her what I think of her, but my parents would probably kill me. 

rardito

Really, the MOH doesn't have to do anything except get the dress and show up.

If no one offers to throw parties, you do without.  You don't plan your own shower.  Also, you shouldn't have expected her to change...if you weren't close to her, why did you ask her to be your MOH?

That's just what I've learned on the etiquette board.

cgyvhu

at this point, I wouldnt bother with a shower.  And no, you can't pay for/host your own shower, it's rude (in case you were wondering).

my sister and I arent so close, so I chose a really good friend to be my MOH instead.  It was a really good decision for me...

cgielow

sorry that you are dealing w/ a lot of resistance on her part. but agree w/ PP's - throwing your own shower would be generally considered rude and come across as asking for gifts from an etiquette standpoint.

em01092

Yeah, I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you, but I thnk you had too high of expectations. MOHs don't have to do all of that stuff. The wedding industry wants you/them to think that so they'll spend money. 

It was great though that one of your BMs offered to host your B-party. Really they can be thrown by anyone, not the MOH exclusively. Customarily and typically, attendants do plan showers/parties, but not always. Sometimes it's just not feasible. In your case, I think your sister just is not into weddings. Not all women are. 

And definitely DO NOT host/plan your own shower. That is VERY rude and tacky. If someone offers and they ask for your input or preferences, different story. You can host a get to gether or cookout, but don't call it a shower. 

So yeah, I would just be thankful you're getting a bachelorette party. Not all brides do (me). Same with showers. A lot of brides do not get any, while some have one (me), some have 2 or 3 +. Just try to look at these events as extras and bonuses, not requirements. Plus, if you don't have a shower, people will still probably bring you gifts, just to the wedding. 

rlavach

Agree with all of the PP. My former MOH didn't plan any parties for me & since she lives OOT, she didnt help with any of the 'odds and ends.' My mom and friend planned my shower. I'm 99% sure I'm not having a bachelorette & then my MOH dropped out of my wedding 3 weeks ago because of very selfish reasons. OP, be glad that you have what you have.

cdbishop

Agree with PP's, no sense on repeating everything above.

inhisname2010

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this...while I aggree with some of the PP, I think it brings the "getting married" feeling alive having these symbolic things that most brides get to have. I know I would be hurt if a shower wasn't planned for me so I know your hurt, especiall beasue your MOH is your sister and you would want her to care enough, as my MOH's are my sisters also. Sorry for the hurt this is causing you. I hope you have a great time at your bachelorette party!!

futuremrsdavies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_moh-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:752e81bc-abbe-41cf-9d53-6afe165609c8Post:e7bdcf64-5d73-4824-837d-1488832a7b1a">Re: MOH Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you're dealing with this...while I aggree with some of the PP, I think it brings the "getting married" feeling alive having these symbolic things that most brides get to have. I know I would be hurt if a shower wasn't planned for me so I know your hurt, especiall beasue your MOH is your sister and you would want her to care enough, as my MOH's are my sisters also. Sorry for the hurt this is causing you. I hope you have a great time at your bachelorette party!!
Posted by inhisname2010[/QUOTE]

this exactly.  I say F ettiquette.  I'd be heartbroken.  Its not about getting gifts.  Its about having the full experience and not feeling cheated.  Call me a selfish brat, but I would feel cheated.  I'm sorry you're experiencing that.  Enjoy your B-party and really relish your wedding.  Although these things are part of the experience to me also, the big day is really the one that matters.

hedgehogmadhatter

Just know you are NOT alone in this. My MOH keeps meeting and breaking up with guys (2-3 week relationships) then mooping around devistated and is hugely depressed over anything wedding related. She's driving me NUTS! She was normal when this process started but now she's a mess. I've held her hand through most of it and we just picked up our party bus and are moving on without her. It's all you can do. It's a shame your sister didn't step up to the occassion.