Alone

jesslovesjon

Am I the only Bride-to-Be that feels completely alone? My Dad doesn't care to help and actually made the comment to a friend that he has no idea why I sent him a picture of my wedding dress. I was trying to include my family but I'm really starting to wish that I would have just eloped. I'm planning and paying for all of the parties, decorations, centerpieces, exc. with the help of noone. I take that back...my friend who actually introduced my fiance and I is helping push me to get these things done but other than that I'm pretty much alone. Not to mention I'm scrambling to figure out the bachelorette party details. This is all way too much for one woman. I completely understand why people hire wedding planners now, unfortunely that is completely out of our budget. I always imagined this being so much easier and people volunteering to help plan the parties, exc.....I don't know what to do. Is it just me?

queenfm85

I understand. My FI and I are the only ones really paying for the wedding. Well, his mom is contributing 1000 so that is amazing. We are planning an out-of-state wedding in MI because we're in CA now. It is SUPER hard planning when I cant see the stuff in person. My MOH has been helping a lot but she has her own life too so she can't do everything at once.

I definitely feel ya on this and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here!

mordacious

No, it's not just you. I have done everything and neither of my parents are horribly excited about it. FI's parents are pretty much just showing up, if that. I have a few BMs that are helpful but I've done so much on my own that I won't need any help until the week of.

It is kind of a lonely feeling and if I could go back I probably would have saved us 15K and had a very small wedding. Too late now and I know I'll love it. It's just hard to get super excited when it seems like you are the only one.

cmkuno

Don't be afraid to delegate tasks to your FI!  Like most men, my FI didn't seem interested at all in helping plan the wedding at first.  He was just like, "go ahead and do whatever you want honey," which I think he thought was a nice thing to say, but it made me feel completely overwhelmed with all the decision making.  No one else is helping me out either, and like you, I was also disappointed to see how uninterested my mom, FMIL and sisters were in even hearing about the details of my wedding.  But then one night I kind of had a break down and told FI I needed his help or we should just call off the wedding and elope, because it was just too much for me to do on my own.  Since then, he has been amazingly helpful, and I'm really impressed with how well he's done on the tasks I've asked him to do.  I'm still the one in charge of the big-picture planning, because I just don't think he has it in him to oversee the wedding in its entirety.  But when I asked him to find us a band, he did it!  I tell him to call this list of hotels and ask this list of questions, and it gets done!  

And don't be afraid to ask the wonderful ladies on this board for advice, or just to vent when you get overwhelmed.  You are certainly not alone in planning your wedding -- you have us!  

Sue-n-Kevin

No, you are not alone, but here is what we are doing:

1) We chose a date far in the future, to allow time for the planning & budgeting we needed. I"ve set up a separate bank account for wedding savings. So far, I'm the only one that has contributed, my fiance is supposed to close an account out of state from his Air Force days and deposit it. So far, hasn't happened.
2) I break up the work in "chunks" of time. I google & look at online sites when I can; I buy stuff for the wedding on sale when I see it; I'm doing DIY projects over time;
3) I ask my fiance for input when I want it, before making contractual obligations. If I asked for help, I'm sure he would be more than willing, but so far I haven't needed it.

My parents are 83 & 79. My Mom gave me $1000 toward the venue, and that's all I'm getting, and I consider that a lot because they are retirees. Depending on your age, and theirs, it's possible this is not that important to them until it happens. I share stuff with my Mom, but she's a laid back person, so if her response seems underwhelming, I just chalk it up to the person she is, not a statement on her excitement level.

Planning a wedding is hard. But I've looked forward to this for so long that I personally do not find it a chore. If you need help, you probably have to ask for it. Maybe more than one time, and over and over. If you have a timeline, it can help.

Good luck.

Knottie1435582995

I agree with Sue 100% on point #2.  While many people think it's unorthodox or completely crazy, FI and I will have been engaged for nearly 3 1/2 years by the time we tie the knot in 12 days (ahh!).  By spacing out all of my planning over 3 years I managed to never get burnt out because I could take a break whenever I wanted to.  Also, nothing was ever "do or die" because I had plenty of time to interview all of the vendors my little heart desired.

I know a lot of people don't want to wait that long, but it's what worked out best for us.  We had to finish school, take the bar exam, get jobs, buy a house/move, renovate said house, etc.

Also, tell your FI you NEED help.  I'm sure he'll be more than willing once you tell him that.  Men love to "save the day." 

corinne2010

I would definitely bring this up to your FI. Ask him to help out a little with the process. Afterall, it is his wedding too and she should have an opinion.

As far as the parties go, what kind of parties are you planning? It is absolutely not necessary to have a shower or a bachelorette party. Besides, you shouldn't even be planning or paying for those. If someone doesn't offer to throw one for you, then just move on to the next thing. You don't need to do everything by yourself.

While I realize you're so excited about wedding planning, I've learned one thing: no one is going to be as excited as you are about the details. Seriously. It's not a bad thing. But the good news is that's what this board is here for. You can talk all wedding planning and we are genuinely excited for you! I tried to show my dad a picture of my dress and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. And he's a guy, he's obviously not interested, but he also wants it to be a surprise.

Take things slow and plan a wedding far enough out in advance where you won't feel so overwhelmed. One thing at a time. Don't stress!