Can't sleep..

Rie1023

Why are men so thoughtless sometimes?!

I am a part time waitress and tend to work nights because those shifts make the most money. Since I usually get home late, FI and I have a routine - we talk while I'm driving to work, text randomly throughtout the night when I have time, and he lets me know when hes going to bed if I am working really late. If I don't get a good night text I always call as soon as I get out. 

Well tonight was all sorts of messed up with our routine. No phone call and no texts. Well no responses from him anyway. It was pretty busy and I was at work way later than normal. Usually when this happens he texts me or calls me to see how things are going. Still no texts.So when I got off work I called. 

No answer. 

So I called again. No answer. I figured he had fallen asleep on the couch, but usually he answers the phone after two times because it wakes him up.

Nothing.

After about 18 more phone calls, I officially entered crazed and paniced woman mode. My mind started going through all the possible scenarios of what could be keeping him from answering or calling me back. And so many things pointed to the fact that something was wrong - no texts or replys ALL night. 

I live about 25 mins from my work and let me tell you - LONGEST CAR RIDE EVER.

I pulled into the driveway and his car was there so I rushed to the front door and saw him on the couch. He woke up to my histeria and I immediately started crying. I was so relieved and so mad and I was shaking with mascara and snot all over my face. He had falled asleep on the couch with his phone still on silent from work.

UGH.

We have had this conversation before - you must be able to hear your phone at night while I work!! I drive through a bad area on my way home and we are pretty far away from both of our parents and most of our friends so he is my only option if something happens. 

I am so thankful that everything is fine but I am crazy wound up and too anxious to be able to sleep. 

Has your FI ever done anything like this??

Am I crazy for being so worried?

Oops - sorry for the long post!!

emarston1

I can certainly understand being concerned if this was your normal routine and he deviated from it.  I'm the posterchild for routine and if anything deviates from it, it causes me great anxiety and I get stressed and crabby.

That being said, I always operate under the "no news is good news, bad news will always find you" mentality.  My dad was a police officer and the one thing he always told me was, if something bad happens, you will find out about it.  So whenever I can't get a hold of DH, I always assume something like he turned his phone off or something along those lines.

More for your own sanity, I think you should never reach that panic mode.  It doesn't help any situation (even if something had happened.)  Plus driving 25 minutes when you are that emotional and stressed is not a good situation to be in.  You are much more likely to get in an accident because you aren't completely focuses on driving.  I know it's easier said than done but I would really try to calm yourself if you feel panic setting on because you can't get a hold of your fiance.  Because 99.99% of the time, it's going to be something completely benign.

Milsey32

Liz gave wonderful advice about trying to avoid panic mode. 

But you're not alone! I probably play the death-scenarios through my head much more often than normal people when I cannot get ahold of DH or someone else... It sucks. ]:

Hope you got to sleep!

PhoneCardLady

I really, really hate it when my mom (mostly) leaves on the tv at night and sometime in the middle of the night it starts to get REALLY LOUD and wakes me up!

This happened again this morning.  I was sound asleep and at 2:13am I was awakened by Tim Allen's blaring voice (The Santa Claus).  I couldn't find the remote (she was probably laying on it) so I turned the tv off manually.  Turned off one light and went back to bed but it took me another two hours before I could go back to sleep, then I was having bad dreams. 

Of course, FI had to send a text @ 6:10am to tell me to wake up!

kd1986

My fiance is a police officer, and I panic just like you ALL the time.  If I see ANY sort of violent act on the news and I can't get ahold of my fiance, I automatically assume the worst.  I sometimes have the most awful thoughts, and I wish more than anything I could get them out of my head, but sometimes you just can't help it

I'm so happy everything worked out perfectly fine for you, though I do feel your pain!

carpediem27

My fiance has sleep apnea and didnt have a breathing cpap machine when we first started dating... he is also a very deep sleeper, so whenever I couldnt get ahold of him i would panic  that he had stopped breathing in his sleep and there were a few times I drove over to his house to check on him! So i definitely hear you on the panic thing! glad everything was ok!

sparkles776

My FI is a police officer who works nights. We also have a routine and we always talk before I go to bed. If he gets tied up and can't talk to me, he always texts me and let's me know. If I don't hear from him I freak out. It also does not help that we live in the city where he works so if I hear any sirens and I haven't heard from him I really freak out!

Sue-n-Kevin

I understand your concerns. Just wait til you have kids WHO ARE DRIVING ALONE!!!!

My daughter can now drive by herself, and so far I've been adamant about not allowing her to go to the mall at any time without a friend, especially after dark. So many horror stories.

Just wait til you have parents in their 80's, one of whom is deaf (my dad), and no one answers their phone for several hours. I've got their next door neighbor programmed into my phone so I can always call her and have her check on them.

I have no advice, but just wanted you to know it does get worse, LOL.

acaponi87

Oh geeze I typically enter panic mode WAYY earlier than you..good for you for not freaking out earlier!

It's better now that FI and I live together..before we were 5 hours apart and I worried quite a bit. I had "that feeling" once and I was dead-on so it was really bad after I had actually been right once.

Don't be too hard on FI though..I forget to turn my phone off silent too :-/

Rie1023

Oh my goodness Sue - funny story! After I calmed down I told FI that this must be how my mom felt that one time when I was 9 or 10 and I went down the street to a friends. She came to get me for dinner and we weren't there - we had gone across the street to play with someones super awesome toy in their basement. She was SO mad at me! 

Milsey - I have a crazy over-active imagination and let me tell you I had some crazy death/murder scenarios going through my mind! 

kd/Sparkles - I would do the same thing!! I don't think I could handle dating a police officer/fire fighter/ army type person - I would stress out way too much all the time!!

I'm not mad at FI anymore I just strongly urged him to set an alarm on his phone to go off on the nights that I work that will remind him to turn his phone to the ringer!