Michigan-Detroit

Thoughts...

So I am probably going to sound really wenchy here, sorry in advance. And sorry if it's long winded.
I may have vented about this before...but I am not a fan of FI's best man.  I debated asking FI to not have him in the wedding but decided against it because they have been best friends since they were 8. 
BM lives in Grand Haven, where FI grew up and where we were living when we started dating (3 hour drive for those of you who don't know).  So, we really can't see him much.  But at this point we have not seen him since September (before we were even engaged).  We have visited GH a few times and he was never available when we said we wanted to hang out, we have also extended numerous invitations for him to come visit us but he always says he does not have time (honestly I know he does, I just think he doesn't want to).  Well, I just found out that he was in Detroit for a few days and did not even call us.  Honestly, if you haven't seen your best friend in 8 months and you were within 30 miinutes from him, wouldn't you at least call him?!?!? Even if he was busy, we would have loved to meet up for a drink or two.

For months, the 3 of us spent a lot of time together, like minimum 2-3 days a week and often more.  Until BM and I got into a fight last summer. FI was at work, and he was hanging out with me and my then 16 year old bro and 18 year old sis.  He started insulting FI, and making rude remarks towards me.  Finally, I left because I was not going to sit around and take the insults like that.  So BM, who is trying to get a job as a cop, thought it would be a good idea to have my bro (no license yet), drive his drunk ass to get more beer. Luckily, they didn't get pulled over...but I was fuming because that would get both of them in trouble and I would lose all respect from my bro's parents if something happened.  Since that situation things have never quite been the same.

So I guess my questions are, how would you handle this?  Would you talk to FI about being upset that BM didn't even care to see us?  Do you discuss making sure that this is really the person he wants right there next to him and signing the marriage license?  Or, just let it go...it's in the past and will work itself out?

I guess it's more than a vent than anything, thanks for listening :)
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Re: Thoughts...

  • bltatabltata member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would maybe vent your frustrations tastefully, but in the end, if he still wants him as his best man, that's his choice.  You could always say "I'm so surprised that he knows he's your best man and doesn't even call" if you want to be subtle, but if he already asked him I definitely wouldn't push the issue. 

    The BM could definitely be sore about you after the little fight last year.  If your FI already knows about it, just let it go.  Bringing it up will make it sound like you are just trying to hold a grudge.  If you are honestly trying to encourage your FI to see this guy, all it does is make the friend look like a jerk if he's the one constantly trying to get out of it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Alright sounds good, I was leaning towards just keeping my mouth shut.  I truly want to resolve things with the friend but it's like he won't put the effort in. 
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  • edited December 2011
      I wouldn't bring it up. Either FI knows and is overlooking it (FI may already feel bad about his decision and it would feel like being kicked when he's already down if you bring it to his attention), or he is oblivious to BM's actions (and ignorance is bliss). Either way, I think it would be opening a can of worms if you said anything. If FI brings it up, I would voice my concerns as gently and diplomatically as possible. But that's just my 2 cents and you know your FI and your relationship better than I.
  • larzhopelarzhope member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    yep I agree... sounds like you're more bothered by the fact that he didn't call then Fi is, and it's really his place to be upset.  I understand wanting to work things out with BM, but if he's not interested, he's not interested.  It sucks, but it doesn't mean that his friendship w/ FI is any less valid b/c they don't see each other as much.
  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't say anything.  It's not your relationship to salvage, it's your FI's.  And it's definitely going to kill the relationship if he is removed from the SP.
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