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Help me please issues issues isses

I have a question I am a little scared to ask because I know how horrible this will sound. I am having isses with three of my BMs Let me start by sibling issues now I am not tring to sound like poor me but my sister and I have never gotton along, I try but it's almost like am not good enough to be around her. It has been like this since I can remember. I was not going to put her in the wedding but my parents decided that I should. So I asked to stand and she saids "Sara,I love you i JUST DON'T LIKE YOU BUT, OF COURSE I'LL BE IN THE WEDDING." Since this we have only had three issues one, she did not want to put out the money for her dress not a problem I took care of it. (The dresses were being discountined so we had to get Aasp) Cuz I know it early. The show, does not want to put money out for this yet she wants to have a b-party Which I said let's save some money and not do this. So you see where Iam going from here with her.
The Second one my MOH doesn't have positive thing to say how are you going to do this, and you are so not seeing the picture and basicly I feel like she belittles me in a way that is nice so you really do not get it until you get home.
The third one, is willing to help but never has time offers all the time, I should say but then never has the time. Is a better way to put it and is now fighting with my MOH because she feels she doesnot need to pay her back for her dress which( again being discontined had to have for standing in the wedding) which at the time did not have the money to buy hers so my MOH bought her dress and said pay me a somthing each month. Not a dime has been paid for in 2months. So yes they are now fighting and putting more stress on me than I need right now.


So here what do I do I really not sure.

Re: Help me please issues issues isses

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    edited December 2011
    It sounds to me like you need to sit down with the girls, and probably individual, to see where their heads are at and to try and figure out exactly what you hope they can contribute and what they are actually willing to contribute.  It is your wedding, and they don't have to be involved in really ANY of the planning at all.  

    It seems that with your sister and MOH being not incredibly positive, I would leave it up to you and FI to make the major decisions and then simply let them know what YOU have planned.  With the dress situation, since one bought the dress for the other, I would think that they should figure out payment plans amongst themselves.  (If it were me and it was coming down to a few weeks until the wedding, I would probably just pay back my MOH for the dress)

    I guess what I just described is what I would do in your situation, but I hope that helped at least a little!
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    edited December 2011

    I think 99% of this should not even involve you. You have nothing to do with how one BM is going to pay another back for a dress. That only adds stress to you and everything you have going on. Like pp said, the BM are not required to be involved in any wedding planning. In fact, they just simply need to show up the day of the wedding. I would let things be as hard as that sounds. With your sister, don't let her get to you. If you didn't want her in your wedding, you shouldn't have asked her and explained that to your mom. It's not her wedding, it's yours and FI's wedding.

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    GwenwhyfareGwenwhyfare member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're having issues. But, the big decisions need to be made by you and your Fiance. No one is going to care about your wedding as much as you do. The most you can do is ask for help, not expect it.

    My MOH is also one of my sisters whom I am really not that close with. I love her, but we just don't have a buddy-buddy relationship like I do with my youngest sister. She helped decide on the dress she and my other sister will wear, but that's it. She has not been involved in any other decision making.

    As far as the money issue with your girls, I agree with PP that your MOH needs to sort this out with your girls.
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    edited December 2011
    1. The Sister - what she said was crappy but there's not OBLIGATION for her to throw you a shower or bachelorette party. Furthermore, YOU should have no say in who is throwing you a party/shower. Let the hostesses figure those details out. That was very nice that you paid for her dress, but it still doesn't mean she HAS to throw you a shower. 

    2. The MOH - I'm not sure what you mean so all I can say is if she's not being positive maybe its best to not share every detail of the wedidng plans. OR another thought - maybe she genuinely has concerns about something you're planning?

    3. The last BM - What was agreed between her and MOH over payment for a dress is between them. STAY OUT OF IT! Seriously. It will only make things worse to have a third person in the mix and it will end up bad for everyone involved. With helping - its nice that she offers but stinks that she can't follow through. Since you know this just take of things on your own and if she ends up showing up its just a bonus.

    Bottom line. Stay less involved in things that can be handled by others and you'll be happier.
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    emarston1emarston1 member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto to everything Erin says.  Erin is very wise.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_please-issues-issues-isses-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:fbeb1057-f6b6-4b1b-8eb2-bd87a2f60113Post:b028b1a9-47dc-4198-8e85-7bee4c5b2cd1">Re: Help me please issues issues isses</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto to everything Erin says.  Erin is very wise.
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]
    Before I went crazy....I probably negated all the value in my advice by my insanity this afternoon.
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    edited December 2011
    Erin is also slightly crazy.  But I love her.
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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_please-issues-issues-isses-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:fbeb1057-f6b6-4b1b-8eb2-bd87a2f60113Post:cfa1a320-b8e8-4458-8172-3a6b3528d758">Re: Help me please issues issues isses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help me please issues issues isses : Before I went crazy....I probably negated all the value in my advice by my insanity this afternoon.
    Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, you might have some damage control to do if you think we're ever taking you seriously again.
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    edited December 2011
    The Sister - what she said was crappy but there's not OBLIGATION for her to throw you a shower or bachelorette - i never asked her I told her I did ot want her to throw me a bachelorette party. So advice did not help. Any other ideas I had no choice with her being in my wedding. unless I wanted to runaway to  get married.
    MOH I tried to talk to her no luck!!!
    The last BM advice helped So thank you
    I just want things to go smoothly with no issues maybe I am asking for too much
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    edited December 2011
    I get that her being family means obligation to have her in the wedding. It really stinks that she said she doesn't like you. That's just a hurtful thing to say to you.

    But your OP was kind of confusing as to what the problem was with her. My understanding from your OP was that you were upset she didn't want to contribute to the shower and instead wanted to do the bachelorette. If you don't want a bachelorette its fine to decline it. Hopefully she'll respect your wishes.

    With the MOH I'd just ignore it - try to keep the wedding talk around her to a minimum. I'm glad the last bit helped!

    Weddings can bring out the worst in people sometimes - emotions run high and its easy to get hurt feelings. It will never go perfectly but try to enjoy this time and in the end you'll be married!
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