New York-Hudson Valley

Major Doubting Meltdown

Hey All,

I am having a MAJOR meltdown. It's midnight and for the past hour and a half I've been thinking about what a fool I've been about my wedding! It started while I was on Groupon and Living Social scoping out deals in general and saw all the stuff for vacations and getaways. I started fantasizing about going on vacation and realizing how much I want to get away.

We are not having a honeymoon because we decided to invest in buying a house. But even though I'm thrilled about that, I'm having panic attacks about that as well, wondering if I'm making the right choice in buying a house now and if I'm ready and if I can handle it. I'm 26 so it's not like I'm older but I'm also not super young...

I feel like everything I've been doing with the wedding just isn't me. I originally, before I even got engaged, entertained the idea of going away on a vacation with just our parents for a week somewhere and getting married, like in Italy, in some small church with a dinner after. Then my FI and I could go for another week to another country as our honeymoon. My FI's father offered us quite a bit of money to elope, whether he was joking or not, I'll never know. My mother talked about having an intimate wedding. I'm kicking myself for not listening to them right now! I'm legit having a panic attack and can't sleep thinking about this. I'm doubting whether I'm doing the right thing in having this elaborate wedding that's going to cost thousands and thousands of dollars (over 15K but below 40K) for just one day.... ONE DAY!! I'm spending that much money in one dam day!?!? I could take that money, reimburse some people for their expenses like bridesmaid dresses and suits and stuff, spend maybe a total of 2k for that stuff and then take 6gs and go on a wonderful vacation and still have money left over to put into the down payment for the house or into the house itself to make improvements... why am I doing this? Why am I making this extravagant wedding (and in reality, I've kept stuff very simple for my wedding, its not that crazy, my dress is under 2k for goodness sakes) and spending all this money?? WHY?

It's gotten to a point where I'm legit thinking of excuses to get back my deposits from different people. I still have just around 2 months... no one's gotten us presents yet, not even half the RSVP's have come... nothing's super done. People can still cancel reservations to the hotel and not get penalized... it could work to cancel all this. I could even book a last minute vacation to still get married, in August, a little earlier even. Ugh why was I so stupid in planning all this forj ust one day!?!?

Sorry about the rant... there's no place and no one I felt I could turn to at this hour...
-Paola- Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Major Doubting Meltdown

  • Oh no!!!! Take a deep breath!! I'm a wedding planner and I think the most important thing is for your wedding to be special to you. If you are having all these feelings talk to your fiance and your family and make a group decision. Talk to all your wedding professionals and see what they can refund if anything. Most important do what is right for you and your future husband. Good Luck with everything and keep your head up!!
  • Thanks everydetail, I appreciate it... I started doing that this morning and started freaking out less but it's still all jumbled.  I think I just need to keep talking it out with people. 
    -Paola- Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • :( hope it gets better! I went through planning a big wedding and the stress on both of us just made it so much worse. Now we're planning to just elope down in NC next summer. Just do whats best for you and FI, don't let anyone convince you otherwise!
  • I agree with weddingdetail.  sorry you are going thru this and hope it gets so much better. :)
    abc
  • Here's a question for you.  Do you anticipate that you'll receive lots of money gifts for your wedding?   You could take that money and put it toward a house. 

    Look, I already had my wedding several months ago, so speaking from some experience I can agree that you have those days where you just can't believe you're spending that much money on one day.  But that one day is your wedding day, and hopefully it will be fabulous. 

    If you feel right now like the wedding doesn't seem like it reflects who you and your fi are, there is still time to fix that.  Take some time to brainstorm.  You don't have to change the whole thing.  Is there one signature element you could add that would make it seem more like your day?

    My husband and I are big Steelers fans, and we had Terrible Towels at our wedding.  People had a blast with those towels, dancing with them and wearing them on their heads (and those were the GIANTS fans....!) 

    The point is, relax and have fun.  A wedding should not seem like a test or an ordeal.  It's a celebration and one you'll always remember.  Take a deep breath!  You'll be fine!


  • edited August 2012
    I know how you feel, we saved for a year and a half and spent over 20k for our wedding. There were moments I freaked out and thought what the hell are we doing?!?! That day was AMAZING! We joked if it wasn't so darn expensive we'd do it every day. Since then I've lost my father and my grandmothers. I thank god I have the memory of that day, my dad walking me down the aisle ( with my mom), my Gram having fun seeing her granddaughter get married, celebrating with all her kids and grand kids. I look through the photos from the wedding and the photo booth and it brings a smile to my heart every single time. Could we have spent the money elsewhere?Sure. Would I do it the same way if I had to do it again? Absolutely. Also because we had sick family members, and I myself got I'll, we didn't do a honeymoon. I still don't regret that day, it was a blast. I loved marrying my best friend with all our friends and family there to celebrate. In the end we probably got back about half of what we put in gift wise, we had generous friends and family, and about 115 total guests in the end. It's easy to get overwhelmed during the process. What made you go for the bigger wedding? Maybe remembering what made you do it will help? For instance I love weddings, they are so much fun, which is part of the reason I wanted one :) also, I knew my gram was dying to go to one of her grand kids weddings! You'll have a great day and wonderful memories!
  • You poor thing. Mayeb bring in a planner who can help give you a little perspective so you're not so stressed out?  Someone wise and tasteful.
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