I just became a two-dress bride. I feel so greedy and gluttonous right now... But there's a story behind all of this. A long story, for which I apologize in advance.
See, my father and I didn't talk for almost 10 years. Shortly after I moved out of his house and went into the Army, he moved too. And never bothered to tell me where he was going. So one day when I tried to call him, I just got this message about the number having been disconnected and that no forwarding information had been provided. He never bothered to write, he never bothered to call. Nothing. Granted, I moved around a fair amount myself, but there are certain numbers that remained the same (e.g., my grandparents'). He could have called them and asked how to reach me, but he didn't. So, he missed damn near all of my 20s because of that. And no, he didn't just one day magically turn into a d*ckhead, there was drama for pretty much my whole life before that which I won't bore you with. But suffice it to say, things were less than good between us for the majority of my lifetime. I eventually got to the point where I was like, "screw him, he's dead to me." But complicating all of this is the fact that I have a younger half-sister.
Said sister has never done anything bad to me and I wanted a chance to get to know her, so on a lark one day I decided to look up my stepbrother (my dad's current wife's son) on Facebook. And lo and behold, he was on there. So after mulling it over for a few days, I decided to reach out to him in hopes that I could forge a relationship with my sister (whom I hadn't seen since she was five - she's 12 years younger than I am). Of course, my dad decided he wanted to swoop in as well, all apologies, etc. So I decided to talk to him again, hoping that perhaps he had learned from his mistakes, knowing that the anger I was feeling toward him wasn't hurting anyone but me - and I'd been hurt enough. So I decided to let it go and try allowing him back into my life. And (shockingly enough) it's been mostly okay. We've been talking periodically for a couple of years now, but I still haven't seen him (or my sister). When he found out I was getting married, he decided that he wanted to buy my dress for me. That was nice, of course, but it came wth a price about which I wasn't informed until after the purchase had been made - I have to let him walk me down the aisle. Not psyched about that (especially the manipulation factor), but I'm dealing. I'm trying to take steps in the right direction with him, and I think he's trying to take steps in the right direction with me too. He stumbles back into old selfish habits from time to time, but I do have to give him credit - he's a better person now that he was 12 years ago.
Anyway, at the time when he bought my dress for me, my plan had been to get married in a park called the Valley of Fire outside of Las Vegas, with only immediate family present. The VoF is a cool place, all red rocks and such, but my fiance and I decided to do that because we didn't want all of the pop and circumstance and stress and expense of a "normal" wedding. As you might figure, the Las Vegas area is very hot in the fall, so I elected to get a short dress due to that fact. However, after my dress had been ordered, my fiance and I learned that if we got married out in Nevada, my grandfather would not be able to attend. He is 79 and on dialysis, so his body just won't allow him to take a major trip like that. And given that he was more of a father to me than my actual father ever was, it's very important to me that he attend my wedding. So, my fiance and I scrapped the VoF plan and decided to go ahead with a "real" wedding closer to where my grandfather lives.
I was unhappy with the idea of wearing a short dress to a more traditional event, but I tried to keep that a secret. My short dress is a beautiful Priscilla of Boston piece, so it's not like it was a cheap piece of junk, but it just didn't feel right to me anymore. Honestly, it never really did - it was pretty and well-made, of course, but I always felt more "cute" in it than "bridal." But being the utilitarian that I am, I thought it was the dress that best suited the VoF location and that trumped the aesthetics for me at the time. For the past couple of months since our plans changed, though, my mom, my grandmother, and my future mother-in-law have all kept saying how big a shame it was that I was "stuck" with a short dress, that they wished they could see me in something "more bridal" (i.e., longer), etc. I told them all that while it would be nce to have a longer dress now that I was having a more traditional wedding, my short dress was beautiful and I was okay with it. The dress is beautiful, yes, but I was not truthfully okay with it. I was hoping that if I said it enough, however, I would eventually start to feel that way for real. But despite my best efforts, I guess I didn't convince anyone because my future mother-in-law went to the length of offering to buy me another dress - but I told her there was no sense in that when I already had a very nice (and expensive) dress to wear. I said I just couldn't see any sense in spending the extra money when it wasn't necessary - especially since our wedding is already going to cost about $20k more than we'd originally planned on spending with our VoF plan. That stuff is all, of course, true. I told her that her offer was very kind, but that if she wanted to help then at this point her money would be put to better use by helping us to pay for flowers or a photographer. It broke my heart a little, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. I was talking on the phone with my stepmother about wedding stuff. I was feeling bold, so I mentioned what had happened with my FMIL - I said that perhaps I could get an inexpensive long dress for the ceremony and then wear the short dress to the reception (so that their money wouldn't be totally wasted), but my stepmom said that she thought my dad would be heartbroken if he couldn't walk me down the aisle in the dress he bought for me. I could see her point, and he did go to the trouble of spending a lot of money on my wedding ensemble, so I put even the vaguest notion of another dress out of my head and moved on to other things. Interestingly enough, my stepmom sent me some pictures of longer dresses a week or two later and asked me to find them to try them on. I was a little confused as to why she would do that, given what she said about my dad's feelings, so I did ask her "What about my other dress?" She never answered that question, but it quickly became a moot point - all of the dress styles she picked were so new that none of my local shops had them yet, so we just kind of stopped discussing the matter. My stepmom and I began trying to figure out the invitations instead, and I gave up on any glimmer of hope for a different dress.
Until today, that is. My mother called me up, fretting again over the short dress thing, and she asked me to go through the David's Bridal website with her over the phone. We found a few things we liked, and she said "I talked to [your stepfather], and we can afford to spend up to $1000 on getting you another dress. I know it won't be a fancy name like your other dress, but just humor me and look around a little - maybe we can find a good deal somewhere. This is your day, you only get to do it once, and I want you to be happy. I want you to feel beautiful, and I know that other dress isn't going to cut it." I was floored by her offer, because she and my stepfather have been having major financial difficulties lately and an offer like this was the last thing I expected. However, she assured me that the troubles were recently resolved, which is why they could afford to do it now. I told her that the brand name didn't matter at all to me, it was the look that was important, and admitted that she was right about everything she said. She replied "Well, then why are you still sitting there? Get out there and start lookingI" So I said "what the hell" and headed over to David's to try a few things on. Couldn't hurt, right? And what were the chances I'd actually FIND something on the spur of the moment like that anyway?
Chances were great, I guess, because I found a dress I loved. And being that David's was running a special, my mom could afford not only the dress, but a bra, petticoat, shoes, and blusher veil to go with it. And the veil and tiara I'd gotten to go with my first dress looked great with the new dress too! It seemed written in the stars - I found a dress that made me "feel like a bride," it and all of the necessary accoutrements were affordable, it coordinated very nicely with the items I already had, I could wear a blusher veil with it (which my fiance really wants me to wear, but which one looked silly with my other dress), AND it would allow me to wear a necklace that my great grandmother gave to me right before she died as my "something old"! I could not wear that necklace with my other dress because it has a high neckline, and that broke my heart - ever since she gave me the necklace 10 years ago I knew I wanted to wear it in on my wedding day, and I was very sad when I realized I couldn't. But with the new dress, I can again. How could I say no to all that? I couldn't. So I let my mom buy me the new dress. And now I am dreading telling my father and stepmother.
What the hell do I say to them that won't hurt their feelings and damage this new relationship we are trying to forge? Have I made a giant mistake? I love my new dress, love love LOVE it, but I am scared.
Please help!!!
(And god bless you if you actually read this whole thing, lol!)