To all the new MRS.... a bit long but need your POV

MYLOVE315

Ok Ladiies - I need a picture painted for me because I'm at a crossroads right now. Its in regards to your wedding day.

In terms of making sure everything was being followed through -- were you the "go to" person for your wedding.? If so how much would you say that whomever had to check in w/ you if something wasn't going right, wrong or otherwise? Did you rely heavily on your MOH? Did you rely heavily on the Manager of your reception? Do you feel for the most part everything went as planned?

The reason I'm asking...and while I know I'm very capable of handling my own wedding I'm considering on hiring a corrdinator for the day of. However, my Fiance is in disagreement. He feels our money could be better spent elsewhere. He feels its the manager's responsibility to take care of the reception. He feels because everything is happening at the same place (ceremony, cocktails & reception)  he doesn't see the need for a coordinator. My sisters are in agreement with him <harumph /> my one sister who is not in the wedding party said whatever I find wrong or need to be taken care I should go to her. BUT what I'm trying to do avoid is that even happening.

I'd like to hand over all that I would normally handle to the coordinator and let her make sure it all goes as planned. I told my Fiance bottom line - anything that crops up - their always going to come to me. Or at least that is my thinking is? Did that happen to you or were you both approached? I would like to remain as calm as possible <which is no easy feat for me haha />  I don't want to be overwhelmed w/ questions etc. I guess I'm preparing for the worst as I saw what happened w/ my own sister's wedding & I helped with it all.  Am I being an alarmist? Do weddings these days pretty much take care of themselves once you've lined everything up?

I guess what I'm really trying to find out is....What was your experience? Please give me any deets you think would be helpful. You've just been through this so I figured it was best to ask you.

Thanks in advance for your input. I really appreciate it.

-Lee

psichick

i had a DOC. some of the best money we spent. i didn't hear ANYTHING about anything the day of, and neither did anyone else. i did not want my MOH or anyone else not being able to enjoy themselves because they were dealing with whatever issues might come up. so the DOC and the manager at the venue delt with everything and we all just enjoyed ourselves. i would spend the money again if given the choice. def worth it imo.

your FI is right that yes, it's the manager's responsibility. but when decisions need to be made, that person is going to come to you to make them. that's where the DOC comes in. they make the decision for you and you hopefully don't even know that there ever was a problem. much less stress.

Bat937

I did not have a DOC.  I saw no need for one.  The reception hall took care of everything.  Everything was perfect when we walked in the room for the preview and went long great all night. 

I had a friend help out with the ceremony. We had to make sure anything we brought into the chapel was removed so he took care of that. He got there about an hour before the ceremony to set up the unity candle and move some chairs and then removed everything after.  (We got married at a College Chapel so there was no one at the church who handled any of this)

If I were getting married some place where I was bringing in decorators, dance floor and other vendors I would want a DOC but since we had the reception at a hotel that does these things all the time, we didn't need one.

Bat937

I just read PSICHICK's response, 

I'm just curious, did you DOC have a lot of questions to answer that day?  If so, I'm intersted to know which ones and why they didn't cover them ahead of time, or what kind of things come up that day that maybe I'm not thinking of.

I seriously had one question the entire night and that was from the DJ about a certain song someone wanted to have played.  That was.  There wasn't a single question or issue all night.

Midgette

No DOC, for me.

No Questions.

Nothing wrong! LOL

O wait one thing, they werent sure how I wanted my cake topper positioned on the cake. Didnt bother me a bit to be asked...Took all of 3 seconds.

As far as the ceremony, the deacons wife took the unity candle and my brother took the aisle runner, and my friends daughter who was handing out the programs and poppers took those baskets. 

Best money NOT spent  

peonypinkbride

Honestly, I would never not consider hiring one. We are having our ceremony and reception at the same place and while I'm sure management can take care of things, there are certain things that I would just rather have a DOC handle. Bottom line is the venue only cares about the venue. They aren't going to confirm my vendors ahead of time, set up certain things I want, ensure certain things I want get set up, etc. I think a DOC brings peace of mine and there's nothing I want more than that!!! 

Jenni83

I didnt have one and i really didnt need one,the venue took care of everything,plus we didnt have any problems except the florist put the flowers in the cake instead of around it,i didnt notice till my mom said something and i ended up LOVING the way it looked anyways.

kristinanddan

I saw no need for one, and I'm glad that we didn't bother. I didn't need someone else confirming our appointments/set up ahead of time, as I would rather do that myself. On the day of, I trusted our vendors to act on our contracts accordingly. The coordinator at the reception hall was there to oversee things, and everything went fine. There were zero issues. 

TerriandJoe

Like pp's said - if you are working with professionals - at a catering hall (or other venue that routinely handles weddings) there isn't a need to have one.

You should be dealing with a banquet hall manager (and maitre d') who on that day, the only concern of theirs should be if you are happy. If you let them know ahead of time what you want, they should be able to make it happen.

Yes, it helps if someone can be the go0-to on the day of. But there isn't any reason, that you need to hire someone for this. My venue asked for all the vendors names and phone numbers ahead of time, but I was the one to contact them to confirm in the days leading up to the big day.

If there is an issue of what to feed the dj - know what - they'll ask the dj. Or something like that. Like Midgette said the question about how she wanted her cake topper positioned, they asked her.  In a similar case they might check with your MOH, and if she doesn't know, then yeas, they will probably ask you.

But everything else, your professional venue and vendors will figure out. And know what, something will go wrong. My centerpieces were not the quantity they should have been. I told them when I noticed it and it was corrected as best it could be before my guests saw. But if it never got corrected, no one would know.


Leave detailed instructions. If you want your favors to the left of the place cards, and they put then to the right of the place cards - it's not going to make a difference in the grand scheme,e of things.

Save the money. When you have your final meeting with your venue, go over the things that you have in mind. When the day of happens, your professional vendors and venue want you to be the happiest bride out there.

They aren't going to bother you all night long about the tiniest of issues. (If we run out of potatoes, do we give rice or rice pilaf? ) They will figure it out themselves. And if they think rice was your second choice, and it was really rice pilaf and the guests at table 14 got rice instead of the pilaf - it's not going to be a tragedy.

The professionals that you hired are not going to interrupt your wedding day over trivial things.

If something major happened, they would probably check with someone in the wedding party first, before bothering you.

And for all the general issues - what kind of flowers, what meal choices, who is allergic, etc, they will probably go over them with you in the week before your wedding day.

Good luck!

Now, if however, you are doing a do-it-yourself wedding at a place that you need to set up , break down, etc, then in that type of case, a DOC might make sense.

Good luck!



 

smatuza

didnt have one and my maitre'd, bridal attendant, and banquet manager handled all problems at the wedding without bringing anything to my attention (like forgetting a while table!).  they were the best and everything was perfect.

the church i had family members have jobs and everything came back like it was supposed to

MYLOVE315

Thank you all so very much. This helped me tremendously. I just love this board!
You guys are fantastic! I so appreciated all the in depth POV's.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-hudson-valley_new-mrs-bit-long-but-need-pov?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:113Discussion:803680fa-732f-404f-9ac1-da4b248645fePost:238416de-7a10-4238-b42f-f129343c4116">Re: To all the new MRS.... a bit long but need your POV</a>:
[QUOTE]Like pp's said - if you are working with professionals - at a catering hall (or other venue that routinely handles weddings) there isn't a need to have one. You should be dealing with a banquet hall manager (and maitre d') who on that day, the only concern of theirs should be if you are happy. If you let them know ahead of time what you want, they should be able to make it happen. Yes, it helps if someone can be the go0-to on the day of. But there isn't any reason, that you need to hire someone for this. My venue asked for all the vendors names and phone numbers ahead of time, but I was the one to contact them to confirm in the days leading up to the big day. If there is an issue of what to feed the dj - know what - they'll ask the dj. Or something like that. Like Midgette said the question about how she wanted her cake topper positioned, they asked her.  In a similar case they might check with your MOH, and if she doesn't know, then yeas, they will probably ask you. But everything else, your professional venue and vendors will figure out. And know what, something will go wrong. My centerpieces were not the quantity they should have been. I told them when I noticed it and it was corrected as best it could be before my guests saw. But if it never got corrected, no one would know. Leave detailed instructions. If you want your favors to the left of the place cards, and they put then to the right of the place cards - it's not going to make a difference in the grand scheme,e of things. Save the money. When you have your final meeting with your venue, go over the things that you have in mind. When the day of happens, your professional vendors and venue want you to be the happiest bride out there. They aren't going to bother you all night long about the tiniest of issues. (If we run out of potatoes, do we give rice or rice pilaf? ) They will figure it out themselves. And if they think rice was your second choice, and it was really rice pilaf and the guests at table 14 got rice instead of the pilaf - it's not going to be a tragedy. The professionals that you hired are not going to interrupt your wedding day over trivial things. If something major happened, they would probably check with someone in the wedding party first, before bothering you. And for all the general issues - what kind of flowers, what meal choices, who is allergic, etc, they will probably go over them with you in the week before your wedding day. Good luck! Now, if however, you are doing a do-it-yourself wedding at a place that you need to set up , break down, etc, then in that type of case, a DOC might make sense. Good luck!  
Posted by TerriandJoe[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with everything Terri said - she took the time to write everything I wanted to say but didn't have time to write at work.

ssage

I didn't feel the need for one.  Our BM did stuff I didnt even know happened (in a good way...all of it) and only at the end of the night did the maitre'd call my hubby and I into the office to discuss something....of which she ended up misunderstanding but in any event, my MOH came in and said "this is her wedding and it is almost over.  Get the F out on the dance floor and you can deal with this later"...we ended up going back the next day as we told the maitre d that we would go back and talk to the manager and we did and it was all ok and I honestly think the maitre d misunderstood what she was told.