Help!....Advice greatly appreciated!!

cmmckinney19

My FI and I have been together 4 years, and have been engaged for a year. Here recently, after some conflict with my father, we have decided we want to get married before the inital date (August 10, 2013) not to go against what my father wants, but because we both have realized we are ready to be married and do not want to wait any longer. My FH's uncle is officially ordained to marry us, so I would love to have a short initmate ceremony at our house here in the next few weeks. My FI on the other hand is on board with this idea, but he wants to have a ceremony on our original date which is next August. He originally told me if we did this he wanted it to be a secret, but after I told him I don't want our marriage to be a secret and we discussed it he decided he got where I was coming from and agreed. Now though..he wants to have another ceremony where his uncle "marrys" us again, but everybody will already know and all I want is to have the reception with the white dress, cake, toasts and all of that. Is it wierd to have two ceremonies when everybody will already know? I suggested writing our own vows the first time (here in a few weeks if we deicde this is what we want) and renew our vows next summer. He said we have to talk about how we are going to do the vows but that he is on board with this. I just wonder if it seems wierd to have two ceremonies? I don't want one, but we are both willing to compromise on this issue. Any advice is greatly appreciated in advance!!

MrsGandthebeag

Well, the first ceremony, you will be married.  The second go around would be a vow renewal.  Usually people do vow renewals on big anniversaries like 20 years. Most people would probably find it very odd to know you are married and attend a vow renewal a year later where you want to wear your PPD dress, etc.  If you do a vow renewal later the reception should be very laid back in the sense of no puffy dress, no WP, no first dances, etc.

RebeccaB88

I think you need to make a decision and own it.  Do you just want to be married and get on with life, or do you want the whole 'wedding day' thing with the dress, ceremony, reception, etc?  Honestly, which do YOU (meaning your and your FI) want?  Do that.  Don't try to have both.

And although you aren't just getting married now to spite your father, I'd be very careful with your timing because it very well may come across to people that way.  You can say what you want about it, but you can't make people believe you.  You don't want to do something that will permanently damage your relationship with your father.  Only you know what that would be.

HobokensFury

You only get 1 wedding day. It's in your living room in a couple weeks or a big party in August. You can't have your cake and eat it to.

Viczaesar

I can't stand this trend of 'we want the benefit of being married now AND the pretty princess day in a year!!!'  Pick one and own it.  That's how adults make decisions.  You can either get married in a couple of weeks or next year.  You cannot get married twice to the same person without having a divorce in between, and vow renewals after less than a year of marriage are an obvious attempt to have your cake and eat it too.

itzMS

My advice would be to take a deep breath and wait, since it appears that a wedding dress & wedding events are important to you.


The time between now and August will just fly. Take your time, save the money & get planning to have the wedding you and FI desire.