Jack and Jill Question

Krystalynne21

We were invited to a a Jack and Jill and there is a $10 per ticket "donation".  Should we also bring a gift? Its for a long time friend, but not one I am super close with, and quite honestly I am clueless about Jack and Jills.  My friends had one a few years back, but there was no donation to get in, and we brought gifts just like a co-ed baby shower. I am definitely leaning towards bringing a gift.  I don't want to be the only person NOT bringing a gift, but on the other hand I don't want to be the only person that shows up with one either!

foolforfood

Is the couple registered?  If they are, then you are expected to bring a gift.  If I were you, I'd ignore the ticket donation.  I know the economy is rough, but that doesn't excuse the hosts from acting like jerk offs.

EKobrenski

Jack and Jills where you pay to get in are beyond tacky.  I would pay the ticket and bring a nice card.  You obviously would have spent more than $10 on a gift, so let them lose out for charging you to get in. I'm usually pretty moderate on the wedding rules, but charging guests to go to a party, just...no.

EKobrenski

and, as always, well said by foolforfood! 

foolforfood

Ekobs, I agree with your sentiment, but if the couple is not hosting, then I think it's unfair to screw them out of a gift.  Maybe the couple is unaware of the hosts' douchebaggery.

Beantown Mama

I agree. Asking for donations? They're not a charity...Having a nice big wedding is a luxury. I would pay for the ticket and that's it. Bring a nice card or something. Maybe then they will see that they should've just had a normal shower and they probably would have received more.

EKobrenski

Unfortunately, I've been invited to these before three times (ugh) and it's usually the couple's idea (2x) or the couple knows about it (1x).  If they don't know, I feel terrible for them!  Imagine going to your shower and finding out everyone paid to be there.  IDK this makes my skin crawl.

EKobrenski

Oh, the ones I went to, the money goes to the couple, not the host, so the idea is not to bring a gift.

foolforfood

Ekobs, that's so wrong!!!  I can't believe ppl sometimes!

LyssaBella

A "donation" to get in??? That is BEYOND tacky! I agree with everyone, pay the $10 and dont bring a gift. Or just bring a gift then refuse to pay the $10 bucks. Imagine if they REFUSE you entry if you dont make the "donation"Tacky, tacky, tacky...Oh and if I may ask, where is this luxurious event taking place? [url=http://www.weddingcountdown.com][img]http://img.weddingcountdown.com/ticker/oajmop5.png[/img][/url]

EKobrenski

Yeah unfortunately it's done in some circles, esp in the Merrimack Valley.  The worst was when my aunt got remarried, her FI's side of the family insisted on doing that instead of a regular shower.  My aunt was all for it but the rest of my family was apalled.  Also, she knew my FI's (boyfriend at the time) parents from church and invited them. I seriously wanted to die.  She also ended up getting a "tea" where everyone brought gifts.  Ugh.

desistol

I have gone to two of these as well- $20 each!  AND not everyone invited to the Jack and Jill was invited to the wedding. <---shakes head Afterwards the bride was complaining about rude guests.... ummmm...

LucyD1029

I hate these.  Fortunately, I've never been invited to one.  If they're asking for a donation, then I wouldn't give a gift.  Just give one for the wedding. 

lnarey

I've also been to one where I had to pay to get in. Then I got 10 tickets (yup, like raffle tickets) which you could put into jars to win "door prizes". Apparently, immediate family and friends put together baskets that you could win. I understand things are tight for people- Every extra cent I have is going into the wedding account... BUT I would be mortified to have such an event in my "honor". It felt like a charity event! AND yes, the bride had a normal bridal shower brunch to boot!

sboston06

I would pay for the ticket and not bring a gift.  My sister had one of these hosted by her IL's and while she knew about it (and agreed that it was tacky) she wasn't really able to get out of it without being rude.  I think it's common in different social circles, so try not to be too judgemental of the hosts or the bride and groom, and just offer your best wishes to them.

EKobrenski

Ha, i actually like the idea of bringing a gift (a $20 one, so its twice as much haha) and then trying to substitute that for the ticket. I think this is one case where it's ok to be judgemental.  If my in laws tried to do that to me, I would refuse to go!

L-Bride

This is tacky but I would pay for the ticket and bring a gift (something inexpensive on their registry) just bc I would feel uncomfortable not bringing one. Or, if they are registered decline goign to the shower but send them a gift on their registry to their house.

clbartnicki

I just wouldnt go. Send the couple a gift card or something off their registry instead.

LyssaBella

I agree with Ekobs 100% I think it's ok to be judgemental about this. I really don't understand the whole charging people to get in thing...though I have never attended a Jack and Jill. I just thought they called it that because men were also invited to the party, unlike a shower when it's usually just the women (and the groom).  Sorry but it is ridiculously tacky to expect people to pay 10 dollars at the door for nothing, even if its a "raffle ticket" and then also expect a gift from the registry as well. The event isnt a charity fundraiser. Like Ekobs I would refuse to go, I would be totally embarassed to know people paid to attend my shower, because in actuality that's what its intended to be.

Krystalynne21

As always, I get great advice from you girls!! Its actually being thrown by their bridal party, and I don't think they know about it.  I checked to see if they are registered, but they aren't.  The invite said that all the $$ is going to them, so I guess its okay to skip out on a gift.  Thanks girls

foolforfood

Krysta, I find it hard to believe that they don't know about the ticket donation.  Someone's throwing them a shower, but yet they aren't registered.  This doesn't equate. Do they expect guests to come with nothing, no gifts or checks? 

EKobrenski

make sure to eat and drink a lot so you get the $10 worth hehe.

OctBride1010

I agree with pp I would not bring a gift.  But, maybe I would bring a nice engagement card?  At least that way if everyone else brings a gift at least you aren't empty handed.. lol

desistol

In fairness- I don't think all Jack and Jills are pay for entry.  My Aunt had a Jack and Jill and it was just a normal brunch at a restaurant with men and food- no entry fee!

foolforfood

I've organized a Jack and Jill party before and it was a lot of fun.  The couple didn't have guy friends or girl friends exclusively, so it worked out really well.  I like Jack and Jills.

bharnett

Uh -- I just wonder who actually agrees to go to it! That's ridiculous!

Krystalynne21

Fool, I am really not sure whether they know or not. They might!  I checked gifts.com for their registry and couldn't find one, and I know they cover pretty much everywhere so I am assuming they didn't register.  But I guess if the point is for them to make money, they may have intentionally done it.  I definitely think its tacky-totally not my taste, but not my wedding yet! We aren't even sure yet that we are going.....but now I am leaning toward no gift

mrs.rescue4

Thinking that the majority of people here have never been to a J&J.  Quite common in some areas, actually.  And, most popular in the late 80s through early '00s.  For younger couples especially.  You're rarely "invited" to a J&J...it's usually word of mouth or a small ad in a local paper announcing the J&J with contact information for one to buy tickets.  Open to all...at that point, it's unknown whether all who attend will even receive invites to the J&J.  Ticket prices are usually low (between $10-$30 pp or pc) and go towards paying the hall rental/food/decor.  Any other raffles and such held during the J&J would go to the couple.  People do not bring gifts to a tradtional J&J...it's just a gathering of people who know the B&G and wedding party.  All that said, I haven't been to one since '96 but some people still have them and I wouldn't be so quick to judge how tacky they are if I didn't know ehat they were all about.