NWR: So Upset- VENT

Beantown Mama

So it looks like 2 weeks from today we will be living back in Boston. You'd think I would be thrilled but I am not. I'll have to live with my mom and Fi will have to live with his and it makes me so sad to even think about being separated from him. We've lived together since 3 months after we started dating. It kills me to think of breaking up our little family even if it is only for a few months. He is just so miserable here and can't handle his job anymore. He is being mistreated and lied to and I understand why he wants to get out of here, I just wish it wasn't at such a great expense to our family. I have been up crying all night. My mom's house is TEENY and there is certainly not enough room for me and Anthony there. I hate to take away this big house from him where both of his parents are together with him everyday. Fi doesn't have a job back home and neither do I and I think to up and move in 2 weeks is so irresponsible. His family doesn't see it that way and they want him home ASAP. They have never liked me and don't really care what happens to me in this whole mess. Fi keeps telling me this is the best thing for our family in the long run and by Jan/Feb we will be in our own place again and happy. I also think this is the absolute worst time to be planning a wedding now, but my parents have dumped so much money into already that they don't really have, and Fi convinces me that everything will be fine to get married in May. I'm still not so sure... Well thanks for reading this for those of you that did, sorry it was so long, I just feel like no one is listening to me in my real life and I want to scream!

EKobrenski

Aw, I don't have any advice, but just wanted to send a hug. Is there anyway you can talk him into waiting until he finds a job up here? Will your mom let him move into her house too? I know you probably already thought of that stuff. I'll be sending good vibes your way! It must be tough that his family isn't supportive. Maybe a silver lining is that Anthony will get to be around your parents more?

AlwaysABridesmaid...

That's really aweful and I am so sorry. The time will fly by though, i'm sure. What type of job is your FI looking for, naybe we can keep our eyes out for him. DOn't worry about the wedding plans. Once you are back here and settled, I'm sure you will be fine. It's just the uprooting that is difficult. Will the two of you be close distance wise?

Beantown Mama

He is an orthotic technician but will be studying and taking the test to become a certified orthotic fitter as well. So he will just be looking for any random job in the meantime to keep our family afloat until he can get a job as a certified fitter after he takes the test in February. I appreciate you guys keeping an eye open. Yes, we've exhausted all of our options. I can't live with his parents, we can't stick it out here. It's all pretty dire. I'll be in Arlington and he'll be in Andover. About 30-40 minutes. Not AWFUL, but far enough to make me really sad because I def won't be able to see him everyday. And now I have to take care of a toddler and pack this huge house in 2 weeks?! I am going to freakin lose it!!

BETHLUISE

I don't have to much advice, but stay positive things will work out.  Sending good vibes your way!  As AAB said, what type of job is FI looking for?

AlwaysABridesmaid...

Wish we could be there to help you pack! But seriously, if you ever need help while you are down here or just need to get out of the house, I'll be available. I work 8-5 M-F but I can always make time. When you do decide to move out of the parent's houses you should consider outside of the Boston area. I live in Worcester county and I live in a country ish town and I pay $500 for a large 1 bedroom. There are jobs around here and I feel like there is less competition then in Boston.

baystateapple

*HUGS* I've been living with FI for six months and I can't imagine having to go back to being separated.  Although when we lived apart, he lived in Lawrence, MA, and I lived in Middletown, CT.  So we only saw each other on weekends. At least it's only temporary.  Keep that in mind.  It's just for now.  *HUGS* again.

sunshine1084

*HUUUUUUUUGS* I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I know it can't be easy but don't forget to breathe and know that we're all here for you.

Shazzie116

Hang in there sweetie. I couldn't imagine being in your situation, but it will turn out for the best. It may be a blessing in disguise to have your mom closer for wedding purposes so you and FI can focus on finding him a job. It might not be ideal for a little while, but it'll be worth it in the long run. *hugs*

chest173

That's so terrible! Is there any way he can live with you and your mom? It may not end up being as long as you think either, and time will fly, especially with the baby and planning! I think you should try to convice him that to move in 2 weeks is a little crazy and if you have a little longer to do all that it will be less stressful!

richkatm

This sucks! I'm so sorry! I can't immagine FI and I going through that after living together for so long. Have a little faith that it will work out and I'm sure you guys will be fine. At least your not having to live hours from each other not that 40 minutes is the best but it could be worse. Also I agree with pp that when you do look for places definitely look outside of Boston...much cheeper! Good luck!

kebmtm071605

I can understand why you are upset.  That's a LOT to throw at you with 2 weeks notice.  Do you want to move back to Massachusetts? It sucks that your Fi hates his job, but when you have a child, there's more to consider than your own feelings.  Sometimes you just have to suck things up and deal because it is what is best for you, your wife, and your child. If my husband tried to do this, I'd be putting my foot down.  I would not stand for him quitting a job without another already lined up.  The job market is awful right now, and he has obligations to support his family.  And living separately because he decided to quit a job just wouldn't fly with me.  Kids need both of their parents.  To uproot your son from his environment and then not even be living with you and your son in the new environment all b/c he doesn't like his job...and without a new job seems so beyond immature and selfish. I'm sorry you are going through this.  I would be beyond livid if I were you.  Have you talked to your Fi to try to work out a compromise??  Maybe have him keep his current job and look for a new job down there, and if it doesn't work out within X number of months, then you re-discuss moving to Boston?  I don't know how he magically thinks you guys are magically going to find jobs up here and save enough $$ for a deposit on an apartment in only a few short months...that seems rather unrealistic to me.  It sounds like he hasn't thought this through at all, and he's just listening to whatever his parents are telling him. Good luck with this situation!

erilouboston

M - So sorry to hear this Huge hug in you & little Ant's direction. My friend's family owns an orthotic/prosthetic company - do you want me to check with him to see if they have anything open right now? I could connect you two on FB. It's out in western MA (Springfield area I think). Let me know - here to help if you need anything!

Knottie6cd98948dcce890b

Bean - I work in a rehab facility. Let me know if this is where your FI needs to find work doing orthotics, maybe I can start looking for you?

LucyD1029

I have to agree with keb.  This wouldn't fly with me either.  I'd also be looking for a job of my own.  Why do your FI's parents want him "home" so badly?  Isn't home with you? 

evseidl

Aww, I'm sorry sweety   I wish we could help you pack.  Honestly, I think it's all going to work out-- it's a step in a new direction, and I always believe those are signs for something good. Good luck, hun!  ps: what part of NC are you coming from?  It's where I'm from, and i'll be back there next week!  Packing buddy? ha!

Future Mrs. Pase

I'm so sorry to hear this.  In time I'm sure you will look back on this transition in your life and see how strong you and FI are for getting through it together.  On a positivie note Anthony will be able to see his grandparents more and it will probably be not only easier but also nice to be in the same state as your wedding venue!  Sending hugs your way

cazzysmith

so sorry, beantown!  I feel for you, I used to live 45 minutes from FI and we've been living together for 2 years and I could never go back to just seeing him on weekends!I wish you the best of luck if this transition is really the only answer.  It's too bad your in-laws are helping keep you and him apart!  Why are in-laws always evil?My grandma lives in Arlington so when you move up, let me know if I can help, I can visit you the same day I visit my grandma!

L-Bride

Holy mother of everything that is crazy. You poor thing! I couldn't agree more with Kebmtm and LucyD. Home IS with you and moving back in with parents (seperately) should not be an option for either of you. Ever. I just feel like him moving back with his parents, who don't even like you, is not in the best interest of your family.If FI listened to his parents opinions before mine there would be problems. I hope you work this out =(

LucyD1029

If FI listened to his parents opinions before mine there would be problems. Ditto.

choppinbroccoli22

When is he taking the test??

choppinbroccoli22

Regardless. We have had turnover and my boss would be interested in seeing his resume, at the very least. Email me at moldue79 at yahoo dot com :-)

foolforfood

Sorry to hear about this!  Hopefully one of you will find a job soon and be able to afford a place of your own.  I tend to believe that things always work out in the end.  It may be a struggle to get there, but eventually it'll be ok.

jwatts23

Such a hard situation but you seem so strong and it will get you through.  Hopefully your FI will return back to the person he was.  Stress can do a number on you so hopefully the move will help that.  I'm sure things will fall into place...one day at a time.  Let us know if we can do anything else and vent all you can, it makes it a little easier!

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry to hear about the whole situation as well.  Think positive and stay strong for your FI and family! I work in NH, but we use a P&O company called Surgi-Care based out of MA for all of our orthopedic bracing needs.  They don't have a career page online (that I can find), but they are great people and might be worth FI's time to contact when he's ready for a position.Good luck to you (& the fam!).  -YB

Mrkyrain

This is a very difficult situation but you sound like a strong and positive person. I always think that from your posts. You will get through this. You may have to make some tough choices for your family and especially your son. However, I have faith that you wil rise to the occasion and come out the other side. You will definitely be in all our thougts. Keep us posted.

tastefulpatty

I live in Arlington, too...let me know if there's anything I can do to help out once you get up here. I'm sure everything will work out for the best, but I can imagine how hard it is having to uproot yourselves so quickly. Good luck!

Wishin986

That really stinks that you are going through all of this - especially with wedding planning.  There weren't any other jobs in Greenville he could have looked into and applied to?  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so hopefully something even better will come along in Boston!

JBs_Bride

No advice, just hugs!!! I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this. (