No Gift Given, Thanks for Coming?

angelaboston650

There were around 11 parties (around 20 people) who came to our wedding but did not leave a card or gift.Our card box looked similar to a gift and there were a few people who mentioned that they didn't know where the card box was, my brother included (I think everyone who asked about that has already mailed their gift though).I'm wondering if some guests may have left cards on the gift table that never made it to us (my sister's gift was missing and that's how we began looking at this issue).  It was chaotic after the reception and many people helped move gifts from the reception to our suite upstairs.  We're missing lanterns, candelabras, etc. and other decorations so I'm not 100% confident in the hotel staff.Should I follow-up with those who didn't leave a card and say that some gifts may be missing?  It seems rude, but I also don't want to NOT thank someone who gave a gift.My plan right now is to just send a "thanks for attending" note.  I'm sure this has happened to others- what did you do??

BostonBride919

We have a similar situation and I'm just sending a "thanks for attending" card to everyone we didnt get a gift/card from... That way if they did get us one they will recognize that we didnt thank them for it. Otherwise, if they dont plan to get a gift, I do still want to thank them for making the trip to celebrate with us!

GardenBryd

Yeah, I think I'm going to as well. I am also a bit concerned that gifts were lost (the coordinator for the night was sick, and so many people were asking me where to put them, and there wasn't a well defined space).

futuremrstoddo

I went back and forth on this, but ultimately decided not to send a thanks for coming note to those who didn't bring a gift to the wedding or send one ahead of time. My mother thought it looked like fishing for a gift. I didn't necessarily think so, but I went with her advice since she is very etiquette conscious. Since then (wedding was a year ago), we have gotten gifts from a few people and I sent them a prompt thank you for the gift and attending.

angelaboston650

Garden- glad to hear I'm not the only one with gift table confusion.  Re: gift fishing, I'm more worried about NOT thanking someone who BROUGHT a gift.  I would be mortified.  I'll look around but it you happen to read this post, a word of advice from mom would be welcome!Thanks for the thoughts on this, we have a few more days before pro-picts are out.  Seems like it could go either way...

richkatm

This happened to us actually and we decided to go ahead and let our parents know so they could spread the word that we might be missing some cards. That way people know we may not have gotten their gift.

GardenBryd

Angela, that is my concern exactly. On the other hand, I don't want to look like I'm gift fishing either.

angelaboston650

Hey Garden- I think we'll probably send the thanks for coming notes, also because we want for everyone to get a photo and link to the "candids" website.I think I commented on your pics when you first posted, but they were great.  The color of the BM dresses was lovely, you looked amazing.  I'm so eager to get mine too!Thanks for the feedback and let me know how you make out...

GardenBryd

Thanks for the kind words! I've been waiting to see your photo--love the one under your siggy.  

DharmaChick

We definitely had this issue.  It is so awkward.  In some cases it was particularly strange, like the person had hinted previously about getting something in particular, or they were someone that we are really close to.  I really hope that there aren't missing gifts.

angelaboston650

Dharma- EXACTLY.  One of the folks we're missing is a work colleague who is so nice, RSVP'd immediately. It's completely out of character for her, she would have at least sent a card (with or without gift).  She's given me a card for my birthday, for my gradfather's death.  Just an incredibly thoughtful person.  I wish there was an easier way to figure it out.  If I advise future brides it would be to clearly mark your gift table and gift box AND only have a small group (BMs) touch gifts at all.I think the confusion happened in moving all the gifts upstairs.